Well, I think I made 3.5 years and learned just about how crazy life had to get before I could be tempted to drink again. Life has been utterly crazy for the last 2 years - my peace and tranquility completely upended by my sonās Bipolar diagnosis, and generally losing control of my life because of it. I am actually surprised I was able to hold it together as long as I have, but things really went south starting this past October. My sanity, my health, my entire life turned upside down. Big changes all of which I made, none of which were easy, put me over the edge. So I am here, with a hangover after having 8, 7% ABV beers last night, AND DRIVING, like a fucking moron, and barely remembering any of it. I have been socially drinking since maybe January, on and off, here and there. But the hangover and the driving thing has snapped me out of my rationalized excuse laden fantasy.
Pfft. I just told my daughter, who holds me accountable, about this and that I am quitting again.
Wish me luck, yāall. Drinking definitely isnāt going to make my life any better, so I might as well pull the reigns back in before it makes it any worse.
You do deserve better. As do yours. Welcome back. Wishing you all success -no luck needed- in your sober journey. Glad youāre here, glad thereās someone you can be accountable to IRL too. The more the better. Letās do this!
Iām not going to add to your self chastising. You have expressed regret and an understanding of where you took a wrong turn off of the sobriety path. You also clearly understand that your lifeās turmoil explains much, but excuses nothing.
Iām just glad you found your way back here. Home is a place where no matter how long youāve been gone, or the circumstances of your return, someone is happy youāre back.
I hate meetings. I hate Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a Program. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.
Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction. Cunning, Baffling, and Powerful - Thatās me. I have killed millions, and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I was given you comfort, have I not? Wasnāt I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didnāt you call me? I was there. I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you so numb, you neither hurt nor cry. You canāt feel anything at all. This is true glory. I will give you instant gratification, and all I ask of you is long-term suffering. Iāve been there for you always. When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didnāt deserve these good things, and I was only one who would agree with you. Together, we were able to destroy all the good things in your life.
People donāt take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously. Fools that they are, they donāt know that without my help these things would not be made possible.
More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12-step Program. Your Program, your meetings, your Higher Power. All weaken me and I canāt function in the manner I am am accustomed to.
Now I must lie here quietly. You donāt see me, but I am growing. Bigger than ever. When you only exist, I may live. When you live, I only exist. But I AM hereā¦and until we meet again, IF we meet again - I wish you death and suffering.
Welcome back! My panic at realizing I drove home blackout drunk on my last night out is a great self check when I get the urge to have a drink. Keep marking those sober days and you donāt have to ever regret a drunken night again.
I am having excruciating anxiety today. I donāt know why lol I think I just scared myself? My body still feels gross and itās day 2 - everything feels inflamed. I did not miss this at all!
Hey, welcome back!
Iām back too In my case it was this whole Covid situation and the loss of my best friend who turned into something like a Q Anon believer.
We can do this! Weāre stronger than that AND we deserve it!
All the best to you
Wow, this daily journaling feature is awesome. I would never find the time to pick up a pen and paper but doing it here while I am checking in makes all the difference. Bravo Sobertime! And thank you all for being the awesome people you are.
Welcome back. You arenāt alone. Many of us are in the same boat.
My dumb ass fell into the āmoderationā hole in November and took me until 25 days ago to pull my head out and get serious about taking control of my life again.
Proud of ya for recognising youāve gotta stop again