Doubting myself

I have 3 months and 4 days sober, but the only reason for that is because I went to jail for 80 days… I got the Vivitrol shot while in jail to help me stay sober when I got out, which is a step in the right direction right? But I feel that if I didn’t go to jail I would never be where I am today. I didn’t want it for myself you know? And I’m so, sooooo depressed. I have suicidal thoughts every day and night. I have no motivation for anything, nothing makes me happy. I have to stay with my mom for a bit while I get my license and my car back, and she is a major trigger for me. She drives me insane and makes me want to use. I’m trapped in her house. I just feel like I’m suffocating and I’m gonna lose control again… I’m happy I’m sober but then again I’m not… I just want to feel more confident and happy. :disappointed:

Welcome and congrats @Shibbs, please get some help for the suicidal thoughts. Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. I can not imagine how you are feeling right now. It must be horrible to feel that way. Please know that it can and will get better if you can get the right help. Have you spoken to your Dr about how you are feeling? There may be medicine or therapy to help you work through your struggles. Perhaps a halfway house or other housing plan would be a better fit for you. I’m so glad you reached out for help and proud of you, both for staying sober as well as reaching out for support. Keep coming here, lots of great advice in these threads.

I’m on vivitrol too so I try to be fairly knowledge about it. Unfortunately depression is a common side effect. Contact your doctor ASAP and let them know what’s up. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. And if the nudge from the judge got you started on your path to recovery that’s pretty normal too. A lot of old timers consider their judge or PO to be their first sponsor.

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That’s what I heard too just recently, that it causes a severe dopamine depletion. And I’m almost a month into it so it’s prolly at the max right now… Does it ever get better?

Thank you all so much, it means alot! I can already tell this place is going to help me immensely. I am making an appointment to see a psychiatrist tommorow, I’ve been putting it off for a long time but I just can’t take it anymore. Thanks for all the support :purple_heart::purple_heart::purple_heart:

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Yeah it does get better. It doesn’t deplete your dopamine. It binds over the extra receptors that your brain created when you were using. So sometimes it covers to many and your body doesn’t have enough receptors

Doesn’t matter how ya did it…all that matters is that u did, you’ve done better than me already I didnt learn my lesson in jail, I wish I had…it took a couple stays in the hospital to finally drive the point home to my hard headed ass lol. Here’s a little inspiration, this guy gets it…

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Yes! Seeing a therapist has been seriously important in my sobriety. It is a great idea to have someone to talk to .

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I couldn’t agree with you more about your Mom being a trigger because it’s the same with mine are relationship is beyond toxic and she makes me feel some type of way that no one could ever understand !!