I’ve decided to start a dream diary. Please add yours if you wish.
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Great idea, I was close to doing this myself. zzzzz.
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Tuesday 21st January 2020
Last night I had a dream, i can break it down into two parts. The first involved my ex partner who left me when I was in recovery. I had used drugs and alcohol around her the three toxic years we were together. I suppose the basis of the dream was that she had gone down hill and picked up a substance abuse addiction, she had stolen the bonnet off my vehicle… as I tried to do the right thing and get it back I just came up against resistance, she got worse and more people got involved, which eventually lead to me getting hurt in some way… I don’t really know what this part of the dream meant…
The other part of the dream I think I can understand better… I was working in a restaurant, there was a hustle and bustle but I was barely involved, simply observing. When it came time to leave I suppose there was a moment when I was able to show some of my creativity, but no one really noticed. Getting back to my house came with a sense of sadness and I started drinking (I’ve had a few relapse dreams), I thought to myself about how weak I was or just how cunning alcoholism was and i thought I was dishonest because I had been telling people I was sober when I had a drink in my hand, invalidating my love for recovery and leaving me empty inside. I made it in the big empty house I resided and instantly all I felt was fear, I had to search all the empty rooms of the house to make sure I was really alone, and when it came to being in my room the fear was still there and the loneliness inspired no joy for life. End of dream. I think this feeling of fear and loneliness is very real for me I spent a long time living alone and definitely experienced this kind of fear most of my younger life… glad for another day sober…
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Mine was weird and what did it mean. I was on a boardwalk and I needed to get to my kids because there was going to be a tidal wave. It was going to happen every half hour because it was being controlled by the government. They were doing it to make the world population less. I woke up before I could reach them
Last night I dreamt that I lost two very large teeth, I could barely shut my mouth and also the pupils on my eyes turned completely white. It was a bit scary and I felt powerless. I googled the white pupils and it said fear of going blind or going to go blind, or fear of losing someone. I’m going to visit a man I know in AA who has 55 years sobriety this morning, he’s in hospital and not doing so great. Apparently the teeth means powerlessness, which could be in result to how I feel about a distressing health issue I have from my using days…
God bless.
Last night I had a dream… I seen this operation for growing dope busted and graduated into the house. Was alone in there. Felt urges to relapse on PMO which scared me. Dream went on. Ended up with cannabis (going to call it dope here) and had like three joints burning in my truck - I use to smoke in there and would smoke heaps. I smoked two joints and I was parked right next to my parents house. The buzz I got was so not worth it. My step dad came out and found out he was so disappointed and the shame and guilt I felt sucked, it was so not worth it. Then as the dream went on I walked down the road and saw a wild pig. Knowing my family needed meat i ran back to find my dad and while High and got him. We went down and tried to shoot these pigs but it got kind of sinister, the area we were in seemed like it had some type of haunted connotations and it felt very primal almost. Soon after I woke up I was so gutted about thinking I relapsed then so happy it was just a dream. I thought I would have to go to NA and take back my seven months clean. And the bit about the pmo relapse sucked too because that’s a hard one to stay clear from.