Drinking: From Fun to Forget

I’ve been having the occasional drink since I was 16. At first, it was just for “funsies”, until it became a minor habit. I loved who I was when I drank, I was flirty and a joy to be around. I had so much fun.

Later in life, my battle with depression and anxiety got worse, it had been years since I had a drink, and I thought it would just help take the edge off. That night, I got wasted and noticed the voices were suddenly silent. I felt joy again.

After that night, I was constantly drinking. I would get wasted almost every night. It became a serious problem. I tried going a few months without it, but then I would get really deep in depression and go back to the alcohol. Lather, rinse, repeat. I found myself in a vicious cycle.

Last night, after a few weeks without alcohol, I found myself feeling really upset. I turned to the trusty bottle. I knew it wasn’t the right choice, I knew it would only grant me temporary relief rather than fixing the issue. A weak band-aid. Last night, I got wasted and did some pretty stupid things, said a bunch of stuff I shouldn’t have.

I knew better, but I drank anyway. I’ve been loosely following recovery and cutting back, but last night was the last straw. If I keep relying on alcohol to cope with things, I’ll die before I can see my kids graduate. My kids need me. My husband needs me.

I found out recently that I am related to a bunch of people with alcoholism, and for a time that’s how I justified it. “Just following the ancestral footsteps.” I’d joke, but knew deep down it was the wrong path.

I need to be better. I am worthy of better. I have every right to live this amazing life, sober. I deserve happiness, sober.

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@Redsunshine hey there … glad you’re here. We’re in your corner. Post daily, read daily, be honest. Cheering you on as you change your life!

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@Redsunshine - Welcome…I’m glad that you found this community and decided to turn the page, and begin a new chapter AF…you’re right; you do deserve a sober life, and you are worth a sober life…the work to maintain is hard. Peeling back the layers is required, being accountable is necessary and never forgetting your worth is essential!

Your gonna have great days, good days and sometimes just plain shitty days! That whisper will come to your ear at any moment and you have to do your best to be prepared.

Don’t stop fighting for you…you have a family who wants to be there for you, because they love you and know your worth…now you have to remember it too!

This is a great community…reach out and stay engaged. It really does help, and you’ll meet some great folks who get it…

Blessing to you!

:blush::raised_hands:t2::sun_with_face::ocean::rainbow:

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Welcome Red! I really appreciate your share. You do deserve a sober and more healthy life. I tell this to myself, some days it’s hard for me to believe that though. Welcome to TS.

Some days are going to be shit. You need to find a way to overcome your trigger. Walking my dog, music and long distance hiking was what I used to calm the chaos in my brain and keep myself sober in the early stages. I still use nature to calm my brain and help relieve the anxiety because I’ve always felt a deep connection to woods and mountains. But everyone is different and what I used may not work for you. You can’t use your families alcoholic past to justify your behavior. My family is riddled with alcoholism also, my behavior was mine alone. You need to be strong not just for yourself but for your children also.

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