I really fucked up last night. I’m 2yrs 9mo clean from heroin and I was just arrested for DWI (alcohol no drugs). Now the only thing in my head is getting high and forgetting all of this. My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive so far but it’s hard to share everything with him. He knows vaguely that I had a “pill problem” but we’ve never actually had the full discussion of how bad it was. He even offered to pick me up right before this happened and I insisted I was fine to drive… one of the main reasons he’s upset with me really… but I haven’t been able to tell him that the last time I asked a boyfriend to pick me up because I drank too much he proceeded to beat the crap out of me in the parking lot as punishment for drinking without him.
I’m a vet tech with a great job that this completely fucks up my career goals and I don’t know how I’m going to get the 40mins to and from work without my license.
I went back to serving/bartending over the summer. Working 60-70hr weeks between both jobs has been killing me and getting a drink or two at the end of a shift was what I’ve been doing to relax. I only went back to serving because it was quick cash to help my mom out after she was laid off her job of 31yrs and now she won’t talk to me.
The texts she sent last night were really hurtful:
“ Yes and congrats for fucking up cause you really did.”
“ I have to be at work tomorrow at 1230-8. How in the hell can I work or even go back to sleep. You can’t afford a DWI , why were you out without him. All I can say how disappointed I am . You should know better God Stella !!! Was drinking worth it and I hope you didn’t have any drugs on you. You might as well pack your bags and move back , and I will beg to let them to let us stay.”(-them being her landlord)
“ I’m calling off tomorrow . I cant go back to sleep . I will be driving over. I want to apologize to (boyfriend) cause I thought you had grown up. Why would he want a relationship with a child. I can’t believe your still so pathetic!”
Fuck I feel so worthless right now. I’m just grateful to have an incredible partner who is pissed but still let me cry even though he didn’t quite understand why the woman he’s dated almost a year and never seen cry was set into ugly-cry meltdown mode when he just put his arms around me and said he still loved me.
I have a family wedding in a month I was supposed to travel back home for and see most of my family for the first time clean in ten years and now I don’t know if I will be able to go.
Fuck.
I really fucked up… I just want to wake up.
I’m sorry all that happened but I’m glad you shared your story. It’s a good example to those who think they only have a problem with one substance. Hopefully someone reads this and decides not to start drinking while in recovery from opiates.
I so feel you on all of this, I have three dwis. If this is you’re first. You will be ok, you will be able to get it back. You might have to go through some classes but it’s going to be ok. I’ve been without a license now for 5 years now bc of my 3rd dwi. And geuss what after that 3rd everything only got worse, and my mother was very much like yours. Kicked me out and just sent me into a spiral. Do not use and do not let this bring you down more bc that is all it will do is keep getting worse if you let it… Don’t let it, pick yourself up, you have by the sounds of it supportive bf, and you will through this. Hang everything up, and things will get better, don’t continue down the path. Because from my experience none and I mean none of it got better.
Hi. I’m sorry you are going through this. Your mom depends on you to get her to work and she talks to you that way? I’m a bit confused, but based on what I’m reading as it relates to the texts your mom sent you, I’d do my best to let go of that toxic relationship. Your mom can stand on her own.
Firstly, thank you for sharing this with the forum. I can only imagine how low you’re feeling.
Secondly, I’m pleased that (although angry right now), your partner is there for you. To come clean to him about your past struggles is always going to be a touchy subject but honesty is the way forward.
I’m sure things with your mum won’t be as bad as they seem in a few weeks. The situation is fresh and she’ll be letting emotion speak before rationalising with you.
Now is the time to start thinking logically. Establish other means of transport to work and look into how much public transport might cost etc. Maybe look at carpooling? Don’t give up on the job though. Your driving ban will be temporary. Getting to work via bus/train might not be ideal but if the option is there, it’s probably best to take it.
I can hear your pain, please don’t drink or use at this problem, cuz it surely will not help anything…in fact, it may make it much worse.
Your Mom’s ability to compartmentalize or not is not your issue. Nor is her response.
Hopefully you can move forward positively from here. Stop the drinking and especially the drinking and driving. Perhaps join a recovery community IRL and have that to present in court. What other proactive steps can you take?
I know you feel shit, but this happenend, so…what can you do to turn this around? Have faith, build a plan and move forward positively.
Things happen, dont let it break you. Its not only normal to feel the way you feel but its healthy that youre so emotional about it. It shows the passion you have for your sobriety. Getting a dwi ofcourse triggered you to idolize a past addiction. Sometimes we just feel like we need to escape the guilt or shame or frustration. Whats important is you didnt give in plus you got a good dude. You win. Be proud. You pulled thru.
I’m so sorry to hear this. Hopefully if it’s a first offense you won’t lose your license. I’m concerned about how your mom is talking to you, that’s really hurtful and I’m sorry. The anger is understandable, but putting you down and name calling just isn’t ok. I hope she’s calmer today, that’s not going to do anything for your sobriety. Sounds like you have a wonderful and supportive partner.
Thanks for sharing and not going this alone. Having had a DUI, my response was to hide and not tell anyone, not even my wife. Not a good approach.
As for my DUI, once I was able to put it in perspective, I actually became thankful that It occured. It was a wake-up call to be careful and more honest with myself. I was lucky that I was pulled over and taken to jail for the night. It could of been much worse. I could of wreck and hurt or killed myself. Even more “sobering” I could of hurt or killed someone a random person or family by my drinking.
Sounds like your boyfriend is being supportive. Can not blame him for being frustrated but sounds like he is still there for you. How great to learn that now.
Specifically for the DUI, you need to face it head on! Do not ignore it, it will only make it worse. Get a lawyer to help navigate your options. As Mike said earlier, you might be able to get a diversion but you have to do the right steps. For myself, I enrolled in the classes/meetings before I had to and it seemed to make a difference.
It is scary right now but you will make it to through this. Use it as a learning event and decide if alcohol is the right was to relax, only you can decide that. For me it was easier to not run the risk of a drunk mind making bad choices. It took me awhile to accept that, but life became easier after that.
Hang in there, and use this place to share and more importantly not let the scary/destructive thoughts overwhelm you. 2 yrs 9 months is proof you are a very strong and more than capable of surviving this moment.
This story has helped me so for that thanks I’m a heroin and benzos addicts oh and anything else I can get my hands by downers were my thing I ask myself can I have a drink just every now and again as it’s not my doc by I know I can’t as I’m a cross addict I can easily swap one for the other or worst case scenario I drink and loose my license or even worse drink then think it’s a good idea to go and use.im sorry about what’s happened but just take it as it comes and whatever you do don’t pick up xxx
I agree with some of the comments here. Your mums response wasn’t ideal, especially as you have been so supportive and caring in your dealing with her employment issue.
Your boyfriend sound great though and you are lucky to have each other.
Grab this situation by the horns, consult a lawyer who can advise on what you need to do to keep your licence and do it. It will cost money, but you have to suck it up and deal with it.
Please do not use. We are all fragile at times, but you are stronger than that, as you have proven yourself to be.
Just updating everyone. Thank you all for your support and suggestions. It all made me stop and think the last few days. I didn’t use (if only due to my stubbornness and refusing to reset my heroin countdown clock) and I haven’t drank since. I have a drug and alcohol assessment scheduled this afternoon… and a consult with a lawyer tomorrow.
Here’s a link to more of my story if anyone’s interested, and
Have any of you had to do the assessments before? I was intending to go into it with an honest and open conversation but I was told that they make a suggestion to the court about part of your treatment? If that’s the case I’d get put into treatment fooor sure (also I live in NC with some of the strictest DWI laws and automatically loose my license for 1 year regardless of anything) basically the clinic suggests to the court if I should just have to do a 16hr education course, the course with outpatient therapy, in patient etc. there’s like five levels I believe. And if I’m categorized as anything other than a 1 (which I’ll have to lie ALOT to be a 1) It’s way more difficult to get my license back for work.
I was a fairly high functioning addict and fortunate through my years of heroin abuse to have stayed out of trouble with the law aside from a few theft charges that were dropped. When I finally got clean I did it by calling my mom, telling her the truth, leaving my boyfriend of 7 yrs, moving in with my mom and going cold turkey. Hardest things I ever did were leave him, tell my mom and withdrawals all at once.
I didn’t attend detox or NA, I eventually started seeing a therapist for a few months but I kinda never stopped drinking… and I’ve known for awhile it was a problem. I think my mom was so angry at me because she thought I was ok. She didn’t talk to me until yesterday but she was def calmer. I think it’s hard for her to see my addictions as anything more than just weakness. I’ve been through a lot in my life and held my shit together (as far we people see) and it’s hard for her to think of me drinking as anything other than just being stupid.
Can you walk me through your journey with your dwi’s? If it’s to personal i understand but I’m in a similar situation & feel really ashamed for repeating the same mistake i swore i had learned from.
Yeah absolutely, well my first one I was 17 years old. I thought it was the end of the world I hated myself and yeah it smartened me up a lil bit. But I kept partying, I had to pay some fines. Lost my license for a year, and to do what’s called ddp. Drunk driver program. So did all that and got my license back when I was 18, I had learned my lesson, a lil bit…I kept it untill I was 21 when I started drinking even heavier, I was going over to another town for a party where I almost hit a cop, he was standing outside in the rain directing traffic so I got away. Untill 5 o’clock that next morning when he was changing shifts and I was pulling up to my house hammered, and Bam got me for my second. This time I just had to pay fines, and to a driver impact pannel. But I still kept partying, I wasn’t learning shit, I didn’t care what the alcohol was doing to me. And by now I was into coke really bad, I lost my license for a year again. And got it back pretty easily after paying my fines, I didn’t have to retake any test or anything. So for me it was like I thought these were just slap on the wrist. Again I didn’t learn shit, my third one I was 23, coming back from a bar at 3 in the morning from the next town, I had passed a cop on a double yellow line. He pulls me over sees I have a 18 pack in the back, and this time I refuse everything. Got myself a lawyer bc this time I was pissed at the cops for drinking and driving, I didn’t think it was me. Thought I was above everything. I actually was winning the case, untill the lawyer wanted another 3,000 on top of the 5,000 I already gave him. I had to fire him and plea to guilty, boom this time I was fucked, I was lucky I didn’t go to prison, the judge was cool with me bc this case was going for over a year. But this time, my license was revoked. I have to do everything again, I have to have the interlock device, and ddp classes again, I’ve been without a license for 5 years now. And I just kept partying after this dwi too, bc I didn’t think it was the alcohol still, I let my ,40,000 dollar truck get repossessed bc I couldn’t drive it anymore, put myself into debt. And just got into coke really bad and partied like nothing fucking matter, I just took care of all of this by partying. And it is not the answer. If this is you’re first dwi, things will probably be ok, but seriously take this story and learn from it. Put the alcohol away. I hated myself everyday after the 3rd, I can’t do anything I can’t go anywhere, I look and feel like a bum walking every where relying on ppl to get me to stores for groceries. It sucks, but I am working on it slowly paying the fines, and this time I’m definitely not taking it for granted if i get it back. Things are definitely looking up for me now that I’m getting sober, I try to look at the bright side to all of this as much as I can. And, it’s all gonna get to be part of my story. On how I got sober
I have 1 dui i got 3 years ago but the case isn’t closed because i kept putting off my community service and the ham (hospital and morgue programs) everything is officially due by the 25th and i haven’t even started community service or enrolled for ham yet and still!! And to make matters worse i was in a fender bender, with alcohol in my system and kids in the car. The officer let me go with breathalyzing me or running any field test so no DUI but I’m scared what the police report will say. Will he include he was suspicious of me drinking, could the possibly be a violation of my probation and i risk jail time, even more important could this stupid decision cost me my kids!
So you only have the one dui? And the officer let you go without breathalyzer? If he didn’t do a breathalyzer or run any field test. Then he can’t put in the police report that he was suspicious of you drinking. Bc if he was suspicious then he would of needed to do the field test to make sure u were safe to drive. So if he just let you go I think you will be ok,I don’t think anything will happen with you’re kids, or probation. But I sure would take it as god giving you a wake up call. I would get started on the ham program asap, so you can show the court you’re trying.
That’s what I was thinking but obviously it’s a big scare and when you mix fear and anxiety your head gets flooded with all kids of things. I’m doing community service this week and enrolling for ham today. The class doesn’t start til May but atleast the judge will see I’m set to finish everything and hopefully that will be enough. I guess i figured that i could control my drinking and I’ve always been a good girl so no way could i get myself in serious trouble. I also told myself I’d do anything to protect my kids for hurt harm & danger not knowing I was the danger! I did everything to protect them but QUIT drinking. Not drink less, or hide my drinking or drink when their not home but just don’t do it at all! Thank you for reassuring me, that was absolutely what i needed to hear to calm my nerves just a tad bit.
Absolutely, your on the right track. I’m geussing you had a conditional when the fender bender happened?. But yeah if you only had one dui, and you get this stuff taken care of, I don’t see it being to hard to get everything back and taken care of. And expecially if you show them you don’t drink anymore
What’s a conditional? I’ve gotten everything back already it’s just a matter of finishing everything and keeping this judge happy on the 25th so i can move on from that DUI 3 years ago and then just figuring out what’s going to happen with the car accident. Will insurance pay, will they not, will the guy sue, if the officer can’t mention the suspicion of drinking what did he mention in the report. Good news was he was in a lifted truck so where my car suffered over 4,000$ of damage only his rim got messed up but even with just his rim damaged he seemed like he was out for blood. I didn’t even get out the car once the accident happened i immediately called my stepdad and he handled everything and the guy was super aggressive so i just have a lot running through my head.
