Yesterday was hell. Pouring sweat between 3 hrs. Then gabapentin and Lyrica helped A LOT last night. Was fearful I’d run out. Got more to keep tapering.
Woke up this morning with rls from hell so took pre prepared dose. It felt like my leg was a demonic hammer.
So far today I’m not getting the 3hr sweats. First dose was 5am. 2nd was at 11am. Huge difference.
Every time I start getting that blah withdrawal feeling, at least after 3 hours, I will take a dose with each dose less.
Trying to get my brain go longer before dose. And hopefully not throw waves of symptoms at me.
Quick edit… My last weekend taper didn’t work as planned. Probably increased my tolerance. But more control now. Then my mom will be here Friday and here as long as needed. She will control the stuff and monitor when I weigh it.
Reddit has lots of reports to have someone with since the anti depressant side of tianeptine withdrawal will give powerful depression. Learned that last night. Was staring at my xanax and wanted to take it all. So reddit is no lie.
Your hard work m8 a dunno wat to say a reckon you over think things please do me one favour? Go a walk get fresh air for at least 30 mins Don t take your phone just enjoy it
My mom and I are going thru the taper. Today was a sweaty day while working. Real fun cold sweats while trying to help co workers without my temper exploding.
Little bit by little bit. Hoping tomorrow will be a day without the sweats.
I am still wishing for someone that I can chat with each day on how I’m doing and just help give me that boost.
I’m not exactly religious but I tend to pray for desperate times. Keep praying for someone to chat with.
So today on of my exs, that I wished I had never lost and I blame my addiction for destroying the second chance she tried to give me, sent me a lengthy msg today. Been years since heard from here. But it was because I sent her a Facebook msg on a fake fb account, I’m blocked on her main. I sent her a msg few months back just apologizing for how I messed things up so bad. Basically how just things could have been so much better if I was smart.
Anyways she msgd me because she found the msg in her spam box thing. And sent a msg accepting my apology and how we need to keep our separate ways because of our toxic mental health stuff. I sent her a reply, long one, how I’ve been praying for someone to come along that knows me to help me thru this. I’m like I know you pray and you must believe in signs and I think this is a huge sign.
But i know she blocked me by now.
Obviously I did something to smite whoever is up above and they are really making sure my life is never going to be happy ever again.
So yeah that’s that. I might as well just give up on praying that something cares.
I just don’t care anymore. I’ll get clean I’m sure only to relapse again cause I’m all alone in life. Yeah yeah I’ve got places like this to go to. But in all honesty I don’t think enough higher power gives a shit.they just watch from above probably betting on relapse.
With an attitude like that, you’re going to relapse. Doesn’t sound like you wanna be sober. You have to be positive and dig deep. Are you working any type of program or do you just plan to white knuckle it? You’re worthy of a happy sober life, we all are.
Careful with the gabapentin… Remember anything not natural that your inducing will have its own side affects when stopped. Detox is just one of those things you cant rush or cheat on. Like any relationship or test taken in life will never end well. Your message to your ex wasnt an apology you had motive to hopefully rekindle something thats lost. Your just creating stress on yourself and relationships are a bad bad idea until you detox and stabilize. You can search for help without her and no one can help you but yourself. Only your will,courage and perserverence will get you through this. Messing with any kind of mood stabilizers, benzos, or medication not prescribed will cause more harm then good. Trying to use meds to sleep is not getting natural sleep and will cause insomnia later on when you stop taking it. Detox is always hell and many of us have been through it between the sweats,chills, loose stools, hot flashes its all a part of detox. I feel with the doubt and your approach to this isnt going to fare well and you should check into a monitored detox facility instead of making cocktails. Plenty of people there to chat with and going through the same things you are. Tapers only work if your diciplined and follow strict guidelines. there is no room for error or you will just be kicking the can down the road more extending this out even more. Do you wanna get it over with now or keep stretching this out? Remember that choice is yours and your determination to make it happen with no excuses … we all know how excuses go. its always just a slap on the wrist and justifies our poor behavior.
@Lisa07 some days I’m very positive about sobering up. In fact you’ll hear me scream about sobering up and pushing thru it. But when I’m on here it’s because my mood is way down.
Tapering this antidepressant opiate has my moods swinging all over the place. Like last night that’s why I was on here. Depressed me during this taper is on here. Normal me is just trying to play video games right now. Anxiety me is fast pace walking around the house trying to do something to rid of it. Even if I take my clonazepam for anxiety or panic, I still need to do something for an hour to really calm down.
I’m outside walking down the street with an umbrella in the rain because my anxiety is spiking to the point of panic. Anxiety with this feeling I can’t breathe.
Just trying to play video games on my laptop watching ghost adventures and BAM panic and anxiety.
For years docs, therapists, my parents, etc try to determine where my anxiety comes from. Nobody knows. It comes out of nowhere. It’s not like I’m about to go on a date with someone I’ve never met, that is explainable anxiety. But just watching TV, playing video games at the same time, and I get a panic attack. Well, what a mystery.
Gabapentin has never given me withdrawal issues or sicknesses. Lyrica will that’s for sure. Lyrica will basically put me in a state of panic all day. It’s prescribed to help with my anxiety, nerve pain (gabapentin rx’d for nerve pain too), and possibly to prevent seizures. I possibly had a seizure few years ago from a migraine but nobody witnessed it and it was in my sleep. Only evidence was I bit my tongue very hard and it swelled up I couldn’t talk or eat. I could only eat apple sauce for a week.
I’m pretty sure she’s gone again anyways. I have certainly dated a lot but only 3 girls in my life I have considered “a drug” like no matter what that spark never dies for me and, imo, would be marriage material. But life gets in the way. She ended the first time we were together and she technically was still figuring out what a relationship is made of cause she hadn’t really been in any. Years later she came around for a second chance, in fact she was very much interested in a 2nd chance well before she reached out. But I was going thru my 2016 opiate binge and my addiction problems messed up any chance. And that was that…
If she was any of the other girls I dated or was in a relationship with that were not any of my “main 3” I wouldn’t care much.
Please save the “well maybe life will come back around” or any of that stuff. No need for those words. I’d just get more pissed at myself if someone says that.
And I get what you’re saying about the things that are part of detox. Just gotta get thru it. No meds other than opiates will truly stop all the sweating and chills. But I certainly want to try to minimize them.
There’s no decent detox facility in this state. I did research it. Tapering it with help from my mom who is a retired ER doc. Due to how evil tianeptine is for 2hr half life, wanting to redose every 2 hours is basically what I want. So I can’t trust myself to hold on to the stuff. So we got this.
Not sure where you are getting cocktails from what I’m using. I’m pretty much following my prescriptions as prescribed. Well except gabapentin and Lyrica. But I’m not exceeding my instructions. Take Lyrica x3 a day. I might skip a dose and take 2 when I go to bed to help with my night sweats and other issues with opiate taper. But I’m not taking 9 of them at once like others will say on reddit. I did take a chunk of gabapentin tho that one day last week. I had brutal withdrawal symptoms. I’ve never EVER had gabapentin help with withdrawal. Others do and praise it. But for first time ever it helped. But now things are more in control. I’m not dose hopping from like 900mg to 400mg. We are dropping 25mg each dose right now.
I really don’t know how to put this but YOU have to stop hunting out these medication… You say your geek savie block those sites… Let you mum enter a password that will block you from getting on to these damn sites that your getting all your drugs from.
I’m sorry to ask but have you even told your doctors of your drug abuse, you are abusing the drugs and little by little your making it harder on your body and your mind.
You obs have not hit your rock bottom because if you had you would be telling here the reasons why your so motivated on getting clean not on when your next fix is and your proud to get through to them couple of hours.
I can whole heartily put my hand on my heart and say I know every thought, every sensation you are having I’ve been through.
I want you to know you are worth the change, you deserve to be more than the drugs your putting in yourself.
Sure an overdose MIGHT seem the right path but is it really, I know now I would rather have failed my overdose to beable to tell someone who has those feelings I did that it can get better if you choose to!
Addiction is fucking hard but you know what if only you could see you are better without the drugs in you, those sweats and pain go away but the more you bump up your nose or decide to pop down you, well only hinder you… When you can’t function for work or your mum and dad have to care for you as the damage is too far…
I say this all not with hate but with kindness and love. you deserve to be loved and you have to start loving yourself first.
@anon27760155 (I started typing this days ago and forgot all I wanted to say) I still need to show my mom how to print things on a computer. Or how to use the android Play store to find apps on her phone. She’s not tech savvy.
Besides putting a password on them is not going to slow me down.
I haven’t gotten any drugs from dark web since i detoxed heroin back in… July?.. Awhile ago. Maybe early August. I could easily go back and find a new market and get real opiates. Not this awful legal shit. Have I gone on to dark web looking for a new market (the one I used exit scammed shortly after I withdrew from H)? No.
I should have knew it was bad to try tianeptine because legal drugs always suck and do plenty of evil shit to the body. I learned how awful tianeptine is so I’ll never touch that shit again. I know an addict saying they’ll never touch a drug again is impossible to believe but the hell of withdrawal from this stuff is like none I’ve ever seen. It’s awful. Like this is a drug I just want to be gone of. I can’t wait to be done with this taper.
I’m so dedicated on never touching this stuff ever again that I have attempted to reach out to anyone in my state legislature to help ban this drug. Get it on scheduled 1 state level list. I’m trying to protect myself and other addicts from every touching this stuff. Michigan has it banned. Minnesota and Alabama are expected at the start of next year. I have never hated a drug so much that I am trying to get it banned. I hope this proves as evidence that I will never seek out tianeptine ever again. (trying to get ahold of someone in state health dept is tough right now with Covid, most of their emails are no longer monitored and just spam me about covid. I put stuff on reddit for my state, maybe someone that knows someone will see it)
Does my doctor know? No. I have a document I signed and agreed to that they can drug test me any time they want and require me to bring in my medications to count any time they want. Not sure if all primary docs have that but mine does. And this document is signed for each specialty doctor I see with them. Have they drug tested me since I signed it? No. Have they counted my meds? Yes, few times.
I had been perfectly fine until covid isolation.
2016 I was with a different doctor and that was the year of dark web opiate use. I came clean with him towards the end and immediately he looked at me like a criminal. I was not happy. It took a lot out of me to admit all of that, I was literally crying about how I wanted help. What did he do? Changed his demeanor to look at me as a criminal. This doc even knows my mom from working together in a hospital. But after I told him my drug abuse he turned stone cold, no bed side manner. I went thru aoda and anxiety therapy thru that doctor’s medical “group” or whatever that is called with all the medical facilities belonging to the same group. After I finished my mental therapies I switched medical “groups” and went to the next big one where I’ve been since. Only 2 big medical groups in this area so not risking my current doc changing his bedside manner.
Again. I was fine until covid isolation. Once my taper is done and I’m past all this hellish withdrawal, I should be fine. My mom will be down here for awhile to watch me. And everyone says… “well your mom won’t be there to watch you forever”… Yes your right… I was left alone from 2018 to covid isolation. So I was doing pretty good until a once in a life time world event happened.
I’m sure I had more to say but again this was originally typed days ago but this should summarize things.
I might be able to just listen with my laptop next to me since I work from home. But work has been hellish lately. I do transportation logistics with one of the biggest trucking companies and covid has certainly kept us busy.
I’m still hanging in on the taper. It had some small back track. We are in the lower range now where I am really feeling it. The antidepressant side of it so far has been strong as well.
My stomach is just never ending. No amount of immodium helps. All night last night.
My emotions range drastically. Other day my mom left in the evening to visit my brother and I felt so depressed like she was never coming back and I would never get my next dose. Then it switched to anxiety.
Restless leg is very noticeable at night.
The taper is likely going to slow a bit more than planned. The folks on reddit were right when you get down to the lower amounts.
Due to short half life and dosing every 4 hours, I had been fine at night until morning without a mid night dose. We are thinking that may change. So far tho negative.
But last night was just so wicked. I had a panic attack around 7pm. My mom just drove me around town and it calmed me down without benzo use. Then when I went to bed… Every 60 minutes it felt like I had to run to the bathroom. I never looked at the time. It’s just a thing I do during opiate withdrawal… Never look at the time at night. Night is my favorite peaceful time. If I look at a clock then I’m going to get frustrated if it’s near daylight…
Just because I’m quiet on here how doesn’t mean much. I’m just hanging on.
Since my interest in pc gaming is gone… I try to draw those silly adult coloring books instead !
