Embarassed

[Smokescreen]

I feel like giving up and just accepting that im an addict and relapsing is just reassurance that this is true. Every few days i give myself a greenlight to use. I can be just fine and a thought will come in and i end up acting on it. I know i need a sponsor. Im to ashamed to seek one because i cant get past a few days clean. I need confidence in myself to speak up bit the shame of relapsing so much is stopping me.

[Pattycake]

Sorry you’re going through this, I’ve been there. Shame will keep you stuck in that cycle though. I didn’t go to AA, didn’t have a sponsor, but I did have one friend I could confide in, and I started reading quit literature. And I started investigating mindfulness, and cultivating forgiveness for myself. Still I’d relapse and go through the shame cycle. I needed new tools, and I found them here at TS. Now I have been able to reach a long enough stretch of sobriety to see with clear eyes what addiction has done for me vs what sobriety has done for me. The latter is so much better!
Guess I’m asking you to take a good look at what you have in your toolbox to fight for your freedom, and if TS can help, come and visit, find the threads that help you. You are not alone and you can do this, and though it’s very heard at first, over time, it will get better.

[Pattycake]

Getting Sober my broken record

@Katylives Relapses, ugh I feel those too much. They’re not fun, really they’re not . I went to medical care once for withdrawals , but I haven’t since. I have just been trying to do my best to stay away as well, I’m back only on 2 days and I was doing great here & there . Stress and anxiety is honestly my killer and being alone. I wish you the best on your journey - Andrew

I hope I got this link right, but it’s a thread you might find helpful. Look at what @SassyRocks says especially.

[Drew95]

I’m in the same boat as you right now with relapses @Smokescreen but one thing I can tell you is that stuff that personally has helped me in the past aside from AA, is just being upfront with everyone , eating healthy, and working out regularly.
I try to pick up new hobbies and interests.
Life can be really stressful, but try to be your true sober self and just talk about it to people and tell them you’re struggling instead of turning to a substance and then trying to get something off your chest.
If you’re in the early stages, long walks can really helo I find.

[Butterflymoonwoman]

I can absolutely relate to ur post. Im glad u shared. Usually by about day 3 of being clean id begin getting those thoughts. Cravings to use, foegetting how bad it really was, justifying using etc. What helped me in the beginning was to write out my reasons for quitting. I needed to remember how bad it was bcuz by day 3, in that moment, my mind was only able to focus on the craving and nothing else. I needed something tangible that i could read over n over while during a craving, to help me pull out of it. Besides reading my list, i also had to use distraction. Doing activities that got me moving were best, so exercise, walking, yoga, anything that helped me move that energy out. Hope this helps. Just bcuz we have thoughts to use, doesnt mean we HAVE to act on them you can get clean time under ur belt. Keep working at it and trying different things to see what works best for u

[Lisa07]

I was on that every few days merry-go-round for years. It was just enough time to recover from my last use and forget how bad I felt, or think this time won’t be as bad.

Have you considered going to NA or AA? There’s no shame at all in those rooms. Everyone has been where you’re at and are willing to help. I was battling addiction to multiple substances and tried to do it on my own for far too long. If it weren’t for the people in those rooms, I’d still be using, if not dead by now.

[TrustyBird]

Hey, I just paused on something you posted elsewhere because it was so profound. You said “we don’t shoot our wounded”. 🩶
I love this and you’ve given me something to ponder. I wish you self-compassion today.

[anon68572606]

Think of sobriety like a toolbox.

Each resource and support you have, is another tool to use.

If you don’t open that toolbox, you aren’t likely going to be able to fix much if at all.

If you decide to open that toolbox and investigate which tool works best for each broken piece, you’ll likely come away with a sense of accomplishment.

Give yourself a chance to investigate and let go of the fear that it may feel uncomfortable or seem like it’s a weakness.

That’s the addiction doing it’s best to keep you within its grasp.

[Smokescreen]

Thanks to all replies I appreciate your feedback​:v:

[Law1]

Im here on tge rollercoaster to ,get to 3 days think im sorted ,then before you know it im ,back again, its horrible, feeling in somewhat of a rut lately

[Pattycake]

This is spot on advice! Thanks for posting it.

[SelfLove_42]

@mx_elle

One more thing, addiction is less an identity thing “an addict” than a set of behaviors and actions (using, impulses, psychological and emotional patterns of thinking and behaving). Looked at in this way, the focus is on ending harmful behaviors towards yourself.

I absolutely agree with you 1000%. Addiction is a set of behaviors and actions, not controlling your impulses, your thinking, emotional patterns, i love that cause it’s so true. That’s why to fight my addictions, i fight my habits. Atomic Habits is a major part of my recovery. Putting Systems in place to better fight my impulses. Listening to Therapy podcast on controlling my thinking has really helped. I’m a dopamine addict (PMO specifically). It’s more than just hating what is bad, it’s understanding why do make certain choices, and correcting your patterns that push you to porn. Swimming definitely helps me, focusing on getting my steps, exercise, etc.