I broke a month of sobriety
I find it easier to stop drinking after I make a fool of myself or do something I regret blackout drunk.
The thing is it’s a cycle- (do something bad- stop drinking- easy) (don’t do anything bad- drink more- until I do something bad, then Stop drinking again)
Is this the same for others?
Exactly. I do something stupid, go into self-loathing mode and stop drinking. Start drinking again, think I have it in control (until i don’t), do something stupid and then the cycle repeats.
Familiar story here. The key is to accept that you can never drink like a “normal person”, bad things will eventually happen if you drink, and you will only end up with regrets. Commit to never again giving yourself permission to take that first drink. I have complete control over the first drink. I can take it, or I can refuse to take it. Once I’ve had the first one, I no longer have control over my drinking…I am controlled by it.
I can totally relate to this 
I was stuck in that exact cycle for so long. I’d black out and embarrass myself and others/get into aggressive and violent fights with the people I love the most. I’d wake up the next day not fully knowing what happened and feeling the usual guilt and shame so I’d stop for a weekend or two, then I’d think I can handle not going over board again and I do fine once or twice then the next time out I’m acting like an absolute mess again and unable to control myself. This happened over and over and over. I couldn’t see how I was hurting myself and others. It wasn’t until I blacked out completely and physically fought my boyfriend again in a crowded downtown bar and the police were called and I had effectively destroyed my relationship did I finally realize what I have been doing for so long.
I hit 45 days the other day, not a ton, but definitely something I am proud of and I intend on living my best life without the influence of alcohol.
You don’t have to wait for rock bottom though, learn from the stories of us who have hit and have decided to take our lives back. It’s one day at a time but you will thank yourself so much for staying sober! Emotionally, physically, financially, socially…life is so much better in every aspect. There’s a reason we are all fighting to beat this. We are worth more than embarrassing ourselves and wasting our days away in a haze or hungover. Good luck!
yup. Every time. Is kind of the way the alcoholic mind works.
I think that cycle is very common. You aren’t alone. Knowing that, you know you can break the cycle.
Wise words. Well spoken.