Emotional mess

OMG I HAVE burried emotions for so long that I haven’t felt anything for a few years… Nothing at all! Then I get clean and sober and. I am trying to sort through all the garbage. One minute I am fine nd the next I’m an emotional wreck. Like a sinking ship and I am reaching out my hand an nobody there to pull me up! Swimming and swimming but getting nowhere, drowning in my own tears. I haven’t fely this way sinve my father died in 2011. Any thoughts?

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Someone awesome shared this with me yesterday, I too have been having a lot of my past popping up lately I thought I had dealt with but still have more work to do there. I found it interesting anyway! https://awarenessact.com/the-full-moon-to-come-is-going-to-push-all-zodiac-signs-into-emotional-overdrive-2/

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That makes complete sense now thank you so much!

I can absolutely relate. I spiraled downward into a deep valley after my dad died in 2015. When I freak out, daily, I try to tell myself the feelings are like waves. I’m trying to ride them out, and let myself grieve. I went to a grief group in 2008, after my mom died. I handled things far better then. A great resource is the book, “Understanding Your Grief”, by Alan Wolfelt. Theres a journal that reinforces what’s taught in the book. I highly recommend it. I need to go thru it re my dad. Not ready yet tho. Dr. Wolfelt is highly regarded these days among professional grief counselors.

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Fortunately I still have my mom… I never went to grief counseling for my father I though I could handle it by myself clearly I was wrong… Still struggling but at this point I am trying to celebrate his life instead of mouth his death!

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Welcome to “Life”. Many of us drink and use to escape it, but it’s always there waiting for us when we sober up, or come back down.

A consequence of escaping from one’s emotions is we forget how to manage them. When we get sober, it is difficult, because we either have to learn, or re-learn. I was sober for age 21, to age 30. When I found myself separated, looking at a divorce, I had a choice: Grieve, or escape. I chose escape. I started drinking. It was part of “celebrating being single again”. When I met a beautiful, wonderful woman, and remarried, I still drank. Really, I had nothing I could point to to justify it, I just drank. It got gradually worse, until I decided to quit. I had a month sober, and then my mother died. Rather than grieve, I drank. Took me 11 months before I’d yet again had enough, and I still hadn’t grieved. I had a month sober when the 1 year anniversary of her passing happened.

I chose to grieve, rather than escape, and it has made all the difference in the world.

You can to. You will get stronger, emotionally, and you will deal…if you stay sober.

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Yes! You’re grieving. It’s normal. You’re not crazy. Growth pains hurt. Sounds like you’re letting yourself grow. :heart:

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Sifting through the rubble I try not to get caught up in it or in the past but for some reason I get trapped up as if my foot was stuck and I can not get out and can get really painful. It is not healthy I know but like @Yoda-Stevie said I can grieve or escape. When I try to grieve I end up escaping instead and find myself alone and in my head!

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I’m finding meditation helpful as I navigate all these new emotions without my old go to escape route!

Remember it’s ok not to be ok, and this too shall pass. I know that sounds a little corny but it’s true. And hopefully you see that here as you reach your hand out, there are people to take it :heart:

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Swimming would imply that you’re trying to get somewhere, for now just be content with treading water.

I had random bouts of crying my first 2 months of being sober. It’s completely normal and nothing to pick up a drink over.

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Completely normal and relatable! I have shoved so much stuff -numbing it with alcohol- when alcohol was gone it all came out like a faucet. Those tears are healing tears and so important :heart:️ give yourself some grace, try not to judge the feelings as good or bad, just let them be and let them flow. It’s ok to not know where it’s coming from too! Take care of yourself :heart:

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@Riseaboveit I can totally relate to what you’re going through. I too have surpressed/ignored quite a bit from my past. I think they may call that survival mode. But now without the crutch of a substance many things are coming back full force and I realize I may have a pattern of behaviour and a few addictions that I never really classified as such before but w some analysis and a clear-ish head these behaviours I realize have had detrimental effects on myself and the people around me and my overall quality of life. With these realizations I’m thinking it’s pretty normal to be an emotional mess. You’re subconscious is in a vulnerable place and very easily triggered. Don’t let it get ya down! Find a distraction and look at the emotional mess as a wave that you can ride. Just because you’re down doesn’t mean you can’t get back up and just because you’re up doesn’t mean you won’t get back down. Just remember they go hand in hand, the ups and downs. Good luck with your sobreity!

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So many already put it really well. Especially @Yoda-Stevie. I will likewise testify… I’m right there right now. All over this damn board this week struggling (sorry but thank you, folks!).

I pushed so much down. It was a big part of my drinking. I drank myself into my own, quiet hole for a few years. Every night. Alone. Sobering up has awoken my numbed heart and mind. I forgot how anxious I used to be. Holy hell, the emotional and mental turmoil I’d been hiding from. The last time I tried to get sober this is the point where I fell down and gave up.

This time I’m sticking with a program. Those emotions won’t go away, and I need to learn healthy ways to manage them. I’ve forgotten how but am remembering thanks to getting help.

CBT (like SMART) still helps me. And now through AA I’ve found incredible support and I’m facing what I’d been hiding from. Through honest searching, the steps are getting me through where I had failed. Meditation specifically has been great for feelings, acceptance, and being able to let things go.

It’s funny, cuz my first post here was about wanting my feelings back. Someone warned me and was right, it’s um… a mixed blessing. :joy:

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I know I’ll echo many that already replied, but what you’re experiencing is very common. My first month sober (I’m only at 51 days) was a hot mess. I was extremely emotional the first three weeks. What helped me sort through all of my emotions and feelings, was the first truth inventory and second truth inventory from the book, refuge recovery. It helped me work through a lot of what was going on.

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