So I just got home about a week ago from recovery. I have no friends but my girlfriend. I left all my people, places and things. I’m in a new city as well. My relationship with my girlfriend feels different. She has really busy with school that she hasn’t had time for me. I’ve just been feeling so lonely and at times I think to myself “Fuck it I want to get high” but I know it’s not worth it. In a couple of days I’ll be two months clean and sober. I feel like she is taking advantage of my “pride free me”, “my serenity”. I cater her for whatever she needs ect. When I ask I little of her time or she gets mad, “can’t you see I’m studying!” Yesterday I sat down around her studying area to vent to her to explain to her how exhausting it is that my cravings and way of thinking is a psychological warfare between my conscious and subconscious mind. How it’s at battle in every event of the day but it seem just to go over her head and didn’t care. Ive been using all the tools I picked up at recovery. Also she has me from rescrited to a lot of things due to my old behavior. Example useing her car so Ive been stuck at home for the last week. I managed to get a job at the Converse store and start next Monday. She wasn’t even excited for me.
Just now she told me I’ve change and told me I’ve been really sensitive since I’ve been back home, I guess the old me would just walk away and get high or yell.
I’m lost. I’m using all my tools from getting myself high but I’m not happy. (Rebt, ABC model, Serenity prayer, managing my anger,ect. Really right I feel every letter in HALT.
Rather than thinking what your girlfriend can do for you, think what you can do for yourself. If you need to get around figure out another way (use the bus). If you need emotional support, you can use this platform or any other similar one. Make use of your solitidude to better yourself. Exercise, read, expand your horizons, make a plan for your future. Don’t wait for others to do something for you, do something for your self. Don’t be slave of your circumstance, improve them and accept things you cannot change. Try to be greatful for the things you have. I’m sure there are plenty.
As you go through this process, you’ll find that some people want to support you, but don’t know how. You’ll find that others can’t deal with the process, and as you get further along, still others won’t like what you’ve become, because you will be a different person. It’s up to you to decide if they’re still the right people to have around, or if you need some new, different people.
In the meantime, while you’re figuring this out, keep doing what you’re doing. Use the tools you have to keep from getting high, and maybe figure out some new ways to do what you’re doing. For example, I’ve historically had a problem with anger, and really struggled with how to deal with it once I stopped drinking. I found that hitting the heavy bag worked wonders. It put a physical outlet to my anger, and left me too tired to do much else afterwards.
Sometimes people who arent addicts, just dont get it… So your best bet is talking with another addict to get things off your chest and to recieve advice. I know thats your gf and you want to share every aspect of your life with her, but maybe this shouldnt be one of them. Maybe a few comments here and there. But as far as venting, vent to another addict… have you tried meetings out, like AA NA, whatever _A you choose lol. But i found that at meetings i met new people, addicts and alcoholics at that so they completely get me, but i found someone i could talk to and they ended up becomming my sponsor later on, and it took up time in my day. But nothing but good vibes come from meetings, most of the time anyways…
When we get sober, we change… And people either like the new us, or they dont. I dont know how long you guys have been together, but its time to look at what you really do have in common. What her and your interests are. And see if you can find common ground. But just start somewhere. I lost a 10 year relationship because i got sober and we fell out of love i guess you could say. I wish you the best of luck… And remember its Just for Today!
Thank you. I took the initiative. I found a bike in her garage so I decided to ride it 30 minutes to another city to an AA meeting. Found out it was moved to my city where I’m staying at,funny story but enjoy the exercise
Hey Alonzo! You seem to bedoing good… 2 months is great… im 33 days now… feels good. And i really do have to agree with everyone else who conmented… aswell as the fact thar some people who are non addicts reallly just donr understand…they never will due to never having that type of experience. Im sure they can emphasize but they cant exactly relate. And that makes it hard for them to understand that sometimes we as addicts need abit more emotional support. Ever aince i got clean…i find my relarionship is differe r aswell. Mabey its me… idk… my boyfriend (who moved away for woek)… him and i talk like 2x a day… mabey 40 min at the most… and i wont be seeing him.for 3 months… so yea i am always calling… trying to talk to him…texting… he is the only.person who i was an addict with before we got clean… so he understands the support i need… but he doesnt exactlt give it or make an effort. Hes coping bette with beinf clean then i am. Probably be ause he is in a new city…new job… im stuck with everything that was around when i was getting high. My freakin old drug dealer lives across from my work…anyeaus just i knoe hoe it feels to need and eant the support u feel like u arent receiving. NA meetings sre great for that. I wish i had the balls to go.
Xoxo heard u biked 30 min for nothing… thsts awesome
Learn to be needy to yourself! Strange concept, I know. It took me a while to figure it out. 99% of your insecurities are self driven. Let’s just face it, that’s what neediness is: insecurities controlling our thoughts and feelings. I say f*ck feelings, it’s a book I’m reading. Don’t be a part of the BMW Club (Bitch, whine and complain). Make it happen for yourself! 99% of the people you pass don’t care about you.
Stay strong brother, and stay out of your own head!
These were words I needed to hear today. Thanks buddy . This is all so true. Being codependent is what made me spiral into bad behaviors in the first place.
. This is all so true. Being codependent is what made me spiral into bad behaviors in the first place.