I’ve been married 3 years this September and he entered into it knowing my struggle with vodka. I just managed just over 30 days sober and was so proud of myself but we had a massive argument the day before my 30th Birthday and I drank. I was so pissed off with myself for spoiling my sobriety but now I feel like he is enabling me to drink but I don’t understand why? The 2nd I get even slightly stressed and ask him to pick me up vodka he does it? Does any one else have this issue with heir partner? I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle and have no support
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Does he drink also, perhaps by enabling you he doesn’t feel so bad about his own habit?
I don’t know your whole situation so just asking.
I have a similar issues. I feel like my partner enables me… I told them what I needed from them and how to support me in getting sober and they listened to me, for a bit. I’ve now realized that no one is really enabling me but myself. No one chooses to drink for me and no one can stop me. Sit down and have a talk with your partner and let them know what you need from them
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He does drink and sometimes I think he uses my drinking as an excuse to have a few too many but he can also stop for months and not worry. I asked him this evening to help me as to be honest if I had to go out and buy a bottle myself it would be a lot less likely but he just goes no questioning
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I completely agree I am the one who decides to drink but sometimes he will see my bottle is nearly empty and offer to go out and buy more?! Which obviously at the time I don’t argue with
I’ll play devils advocate here…he’s not enabling, you are manipulating to get what you want. You ask him for booze and it’s his fault he got it? Ownership of your disease and accountability…it is up to no one but you to stay sober. This world is full of alcohol. We can’t blame bars and restaurants for serving it because we have a bad relationship with it. Same with our families… it’s not their responsibility to keep us sober.
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I totally agree I don’t expect him to stop drinking anymore than I do my friends and family. But offering it on a plate sometimes makes it unbearably hard? My alcoholism started way before him so I know my battle would continue regardless of whether or not we were together but sometimes I feel like he is against me, rather than fighting for us
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It’s probably because he doesn’t understand this disease. He would be considered a “normie” and doesn’t get it…doesn’t understand the struggle. Consider a support group with people walking this sobriety path (AA, SMART)
Are you UK based?
No, I’m not.
I’m always interested as I am not sure our aa is the same here. I know help wise I’ve been refused a few times as I count as a ‘functioning alcoholic’
I have the same problem too… I will buy a bottle and drink some and they offer to get more or go to bar. I don’t think they understand the disease of being an alcoholic. For my partner they can drink and not have a problem and I think it’s hard for them to understand what we are going through… That’s why I have this app and fill my time with positive, constructive things. I’ve always asked them no to buy me alcohol or suggest getting any.
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My husband never intended to stop drinking and he still drinks … he told me if I wanted to quit then JUST QUIT … I thought I’d get more support but I realized this is for me and ONLY ME … he continues to drink every night and he doesn’t see it as a problem … every day I feel I need to be SUPER STRONG … I ask you HOW BAD DO YOU WANT TO BE SOBER ??? YOU CAN DO THIS … YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! SMILE
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@bec, have you asked your husband why he just does your bidding, knowing you’re trying to quit, perhaps he is frightened of the consequences of saying no. Perhaps during a sit down when there is no alcohol, you can discuss what it feels like from his perspective. Just be an attentive listener, don’t butt in, don’t defend yourself, just listen. Hear what he has to say, then calmly tell him that you would appreciate him more if he got tough with you eg refused to go buy you alcohol and for you to find another way to distract yourself till the craving passes.
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@Bec I totally relate! Sometimes I feel like my husband enables me just to have a drinking partner. He keeps saying he needs to cut back, but hasn’t. If he sees I’m low on wine or vodka, he’ll offer to buy me more. It’s so frustrating. And when he gets drunk it’s such a trigger for me because it makes me want to drink too.
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I can’t say I know what you are going through, I actually have a husband who is always up my ass to make sure I don’t mess up, with pills not alcohol. I do appreciate it, but sometimes it is overbearing, but I do understand. If you need me I am here. Does you partner have any addictions?
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@Bec, You are in a difficult situation.
I totally understand where your at. Being married 30 years. I have never seen my spouse drunk and as long as I don’t drink he’s fine. But where the problem is in my relationship is mine would not care if I did any other drug. And would and does on occasions bring in far worse than alcohol and is and would be ok if I would partake in doing them. This is being stuck between a rock and a stone. What do we do… I have been clean 362 days. You have to stand strong in your conviction. Look to your higher power for answers. And pray alot. You can do this have faith in yourself, you are a strong woman and God has given you strength beyond your Beleave. I will pray for you and don’t be afraid to pray for your self. And remember to give thanks for the the prays that he has answers tis far
As to have more answered in the future. 
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I have the same problem. My husband is what I would call a heavy drinker, I think he is an alcoholic in denial. I have just achieved 32 days alcohol free and am.feel8ng great however my husband keeps saying things like " you need a drink" Or " life’s too bloody short to deny yourself a drink.if you want one" He drinks a lot of wine so I find it very hard as that is my favourite drink but I’m having to push through. Im taking naltrexone and finding it works very well to control my cravings so that’s a blessing. The only thing I can suggest is talking to him.and telling him to not under any circumstances offer to buy you vodka even if you ask him .
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Oh dang. This was good.
Especially since us alcoholics are so used to playing the victim. Bad day, drank. Someone pissed you off, drank. Bored, drank. No money…buy dranks. Lol
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Im.in the same boat. My husband has no intentions of giving up drinking even though it’s obvious he drinks way too much. I badly want to be sober so like you said it’s up to me. I’m up to 32 days sober, each day my goal is to just go to bed sober. So far so good. Keep up your great work.
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