Hi there
I guess I just need to get my thoughts out and am too ashamed to speak openly to friends and family. I would not say I am an alcoholic but I am a very bad drunk. I can go days without a drink but when I do I turn into an extremely nasty drunk. I say horrendous things I would never dream of saying out loud sober. I want to stop drinking but my whole social circle are big drinkers and quite honestly going out sober as pathetic as it sounds has proved too hard and I always end up caving. I suffer very badly from anxiety and when I’m hungover I feel psyhically sick trying to remember all of the awful things I did or said and who might have witnessed it. Im scared I will end up pushing everyone away if I don’t do something about it now. I feel like a terrible person and mentally punish myself for weeks after a bad episode. I just feel very lost and don’t understand where this anger comes from everytime (and it literally is, every time I drink). Any advice or encouragement would really help me take steps towards a positive and less turbulant life. Thanks for taking the time to read this and maybe share your thoughts or experiences.
@Sarah202 Hey Sarah & welcome! Thanks for sharing your story! You’re in the right track. I know what you mean about the anger coming out. Hang in there & know this is just a chapter in your journey but it can change! I had to separate myself from certain friendships & end some. It’s okay to want a better life & focus on self development! Not everyone will understand & that’s ok too. Hope you find some encouragement today to uplift your spirit! Much love, hugs & blessings! Stay strong & keep smiling!
I am also a bad/mean drunk.
I get angry very easily and pick fights ALOT.
I also feel the need to drink because other people are drinking and I’m afraid of not looking fun.
I’m 22 days sober today and have only went to a few outings and yes they were extremely hard and I don’t think I was ready.However, I encourage you to be strong if and when you do decide to stay social.Im currently using it as a chance to gain self confidence.
I think anger comes from fear.Fear being that I’m afraid of being looked down on, that I don’t fit in, that people won’t find me fun. I think my drunk self lashed out because I never gave myself the chance to feel confident sober. I’ve been drinking heavily since 19 and took my first sip at 12.(crazy I know)
I’m 25 now.
In the years I should have been getting to know myself and feeling comfortable in my skin, I was drinking and putting off any emotional healing I needed to be doing.
This doesn’t mean we are suddenly going to know ourselves and be okay 3 weeks in…it just means we are giving ourselves a chance to finally grow as a person and heal.Happiness and change can happen at any point in our lives, just have to choose it.
Hope this helps!