Last night i drank again after yet another day of promising myself this is the last drink. I got depressed, blacked out, and for some reason decided to leave my sleeping family to walk around town at 2 am and sending my husband emo texts about feeling like a pos. I keep disappointing myself.
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Welcome to Talking Sober Joy. You know, promises are just that. It’s direct action that we need. You made one such action just now, by joining this peer support place. Peer support is a very important part of successfully quitting drinking or any addiction. So welcome again and congrats! This is the first day of the rest of your life. There’s work to be done by you, but it’s work that can’t be done alone. We need each other and together we are strong. You can do this! Please take your time to look around, there’s so much good info and so much good people here willing to help. I’m wishing all success to you friend. Big hugs.
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Hey Joy, I’m so glad you’re here. Your story is so familiar…to most of us, probably. I’d make and break those promises to myself all the time, and hate myself for it.
But you’re not alone. @Mno is right, there is so much wisdom and care here. Read around. Check out What’s YOUR plan?. Then choose to be sober for 5 minutes. Then 5 more. You can do this. 
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I relapsed every day for about 2 years and one day It finally clicked, actions were taken so it’s not a total fluke but the point is never stop trying because you never know when that day is going to come.
In the meantime try doing something different bc you already know whatever your doing now ain’t working.
Wish you well 
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Welcome to the site @JoyJoyBinks
I’m so glad that you decided to come here and get support and community to help you. We are here. 
There are so many helpful resources. Many check-in daily on the “check-in daily to maintain focus” thread. You get to know people they get to know you and are able to support you better plus you have the accountability. If you stay on your own thread, that’s great also. I’m glad you’ve decided to make a change.
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Hopefully, this is a link with lots of other helpful links in it
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Welcome 
You have to work recovery daily.
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Hi Joy, welcome to this fantastic forum!! Im sorry to hear about last night. I too have made that promise to not use, time n time again, only to find myself using again the next day. Its a vicious cycle 
What helped me is to develop a plan of action and to follow thru with that plan. Try something different 
Start a new morning routine to set ur day up for success. Start attending in-person or online AA meetings. Read recovery literature. Pray (if ur into that). Check in daily on this forum and read, read, read on here. Develop a plan of the steps ull take when u get the urge to drink. Exercise or build healthier habits to support ur journey. Do whatever u can to stay recovery focused each day. And most importantly, dont pick up, no matter what.
I relapsed many times over the years, but what matters is that u learn from each time u fall. What can u add (or remove) from ur life to try and prevent another relapse from happening. Relapses can provide a lot of information.
Hope u keep coming back
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