I am needing to remind myself of this today. Sunday family dinner and once again I’m doing 90% of the work. It’s sooooo maddening. But I’m trying to not resent the others for not helping. Instead I’m focusing on all the cleanup I WON’T be doing later. 
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I have been considering some time to sit down with my husband, and just calmly tell him what irritates me, so he is aware moving forward. For example, leaving cabinet doors open. Not wiping the counters when he does kitchen cleanup. Not actively making dinner for the family as much. Etc. The little stuff can lead to missed expectations and the resentment. I am sure my husband would have a similar list for me as well. 
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I don’t think cereal would work for Sunday night with guests coming over…but I love it for a busy Monday nights!!
You may want to start the discussion with all the things he excels at that you are grateful for. I find that starts the conversation off on a good footing. (note: I have not done this in a recent conversation and regret it).
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Is it an every Sunday thing and no one helps thing? If so, and it is not changing after discussion, perhaps it is time to discuss having Sunday dinner at the local diner. 
I love when I come home late from work and my husband is sitting in his “lazy boy” and he asks “did you have anything planned for dinner?”. Yes, actually I PLANNED on you starting dinner. Those are not good nights to talk to me.
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We rotate dinners between my house and my dads (my sister NEVER hosts). So it isn’t our house every weekend but when it is I still do most of the cooking.
He’ll prepare some meat dish for the others (I stopped coo koi NF any meat a few months ago) and he gets praised for a wonderful meal. Grrrr. LOL. I just quietly roll my eyes and know that my food was frickin awesome too!!
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I am sure it is!! Can you ask your sister to also host? Let her know it would lighten the load a little more? Never hurts to ask.
I would suggest that nights you aren’t home by xyz he know he is on his own.
For me I’ve learned that letting the little things slide has been very rewarding. If my wife leaves her clothes on the chair it only takes under a minute to hang them back up. Or I can continue to make a big deal out of nothing, and have stupid expectations. I can say that it’s better for me to just hang up the clothes
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Yes, we all do this in relationship, well, hopefully we do. However, Sue is specifically saying she has an issue with the dinner resentment and the coming home late resentment. In my opinion, that calls for a discussion on how she can feel more positive and supported in both ways. And if that means opting out of making dinner when she arrives home later than him, then that is better than seething silently.
YMMV of course.
I do find being accommodating is something that women can specifically feel overwhelmed by at times. Sometimes we, as women, need to learn to ask for what we need.
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Sassy you have a great way of putting things . You would make a great diplomat
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Oh my, thank you for that kindness. I think you caught me in a good moment…I was a bit testy earlier. We are all just human after all.
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I hear you.
There is only so much you can take. I need to have a conversation with my husband re housework, childcare, planning, making decisions etc. It’s a lonely station. I didn’t sign up for this when we first got together. I thought there would be more of a partnership.
I think and feel all these things and yet I don’t know how to express myself to my husband.
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Omg so much personal information!
It is okay to ask for what you need. If the way things are right now in your family is stressing you out and you are bearing too heavy a load, it is okay to sit down and negotiate a plan that works for both of you.
I have found that writing things down first is helpful for me. Also, what IS working well? Can you build on that? What do you enjoy or excel at in the home? What do you dread? How can you work to both of your strengths? How can you best support eachother and help your family flourish?
When the kids were in the home still we used to have sit downs to see where we were at as a family. What we could work on, what goals we had, where we were doing great. No judgement and finger pointing, just trying to make our family experience the best it could be.
Just some thoughts. I know it can be hard to ask for what you need. 
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Well to be fair I was trying to explain the my expectation was causing the resentment but in the end I chose to focus on the positive which is that he’ll do all the cleanup if I do all the cooking.
Like Monty Python says…always look on the bright side of life.
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Oh dear. I guess I missed the general gist and just took off from there!! I will blame it on my advanced age!!
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But to be fair I do have a lot of resentments with my husband. Mostly because I feel he has expectations of me. And I can’t meet his expectations so I get angry about them. There’s a lot of unspoken anger in our house. But I TRY to let things go. He isn’t abusive, we are just are different. So I try to focus on the differences that I admire.
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I can relate. I went thru a period of time with my husband as well that involved me feeling like I couldn’t live up to his expectations. It was very unsettling, lasted a long time and yes, led to arguments and resentments that I was not good enough. It was a very trying time in our marriage.
I didn’t feel accepted or appreciated as I was.
I can’t really say what shifted. Was it his expectations or maybe my self confidence gained from sobriety? A mix? Something else? A seed planted earlier at therapy?
In reflecting on it, I consider that it may have been my own feelings of inadequacy I was placing on myself and projecting onto him. I am not really sure. I do know I am glad not to be feeling that way anymore.
And yes, focusing on what IS working and how to build from there is helpful.
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