Today is a rough day of not having expectations of others. My coworker/friend finally shared with me who her bridesmaids are going to be in her wedding. Two girls are girls we graduated college with. She barely even sees or speaks to them. I’m here when she needs to vent about work or life. Ive even rearranged my workout schedule because she wanted to workout with me so she could lose weight for her wedding. It bummed me out and I’m feeling pretty terrible. I really don’t want to feel this way and numb out. 
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I understand that you may be bummed but I would be relieved if I was you!! I have spent thousands of dollars on other people’s weddings, and I thought the entire process was horrible. I prefer to be a guest! 
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Really trying to think about the big picture. I don’t have many friends. I’m more of a loner. Even when I had years of sobriety I was the same way. I think because of that I take it way too personal when things like this happen with friends. I internalize things, then my brain spirals down into confirming all the bad things I tell myself I am. With a head like mine it’s no wonder I’m an alcoholic. 
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Why is it so hard at times to not make it about us? She actually has 7 bridesmaids. 7! Three of them are girls we graduated with. I will most likely not say anything to her and work hard on not having resentment towards her. I’m always guilty of thinking well if it was me I would ask that person to be a part of this or that. Thinking that way just sets myself up to get hurt like I did today, then that downward spiral follows. Here I am beating myself up emotionally over something I have no control over. So very frustrating. Thank you for responding @Oliverjava and @Rachel_Marie. I would have probably found myself in a bar after work if it wasn’t for this app.
We are so alike, thank you so much for sharing. I think I would be just as devastated, I’m so sorry this happened. Especially when you invest so much time/effort into a relationship, and then something like this happens, and it’s like, what the hell?!?
I met with my sponsor tonight (just starting my first step 
) and we talked about expectations. It’s so crazy how you brought this up! Think about the bigger picture like you said. At least you won’t have to buy a horrible dress you’ll only wear once!
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But her decision shouldn’t affect your actions. Your feelings aren’t tied to her decisions, unless you really feel slighted but if she confides in you about her personal matters and other things I’d say you’re still a pretty good friend 
our decision to drink becuase of another’s decision, related to us in some way shape or form, is just our brains coping mechanism. Your feelings and thoughts aren’t you, you’re you. So go you, boo booze.
Exactly! It’s like oh well I guess I’m not as good of a friend to her as I felt she was to me. Meh. I have no control of the situation and all I have control over is myself.
I’m glad you met with your sponsor today! I mean yesterday! I really love the 12 steps. My old sponsor helped me through them tremendously. I swear I often wish even “normies” would work the steps because they’re life changing.
Ha what a coincidence that my topic was the one you went over with your sponsor. I hope you had a great day @Elisabeth!
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