FALSE: No such thing as addiction

I’m sure this post has been done 100x over but I guess this is my way of forcing myself to accept I need to change. So this is my story…When I was sixteen I started smoking weed for the first time. I had reasons like anyone else and they were for the most part innocent but I never thought of any repercussions because after all…you can’t get addicted to pot…right?
Three years later and I’ve thrown away friendships, family, college opportunities, great job opportunities, and for the most part my health and mental well being for a bowl, all the while saying I can stop whenever I like. I’ve realized now people who say you can’t become addicted to pot simply don’t realize they’re addicted.
I’d like to add here…I 100% support medicinal use or even recreational adult use providing your taking care of your shit ie kids or job. AND yes I’m well aware some people do a phenomenal job at balancing the two and I admire their discipline, but it’s something I lost so these are views based on my situation.
Anyway, since this Covid19 thing started and even a little before that, suppliers around where I live started getting spotty and long story short one very sober night I had the sudden realization I’m about to turn twenty and the direction I’m going is going to leave me broke, unhappy and unproductive for the rest of my life. I haven’t done anything to better myself and I only barely graduated high school. Ever since then, I’ve felt this guilt about smoking and it’s lost it’s appeal.
The issue is how manipulative marijuana withdrawal can be. I don’t know if anyone else has this but for me It has this way of draining my motivation and satisfaction with things so I completely rearrange my priorities and agenda to include smoking. It doesn’t necessarily feel better to do it, mostly it just feels worse and cloudy but that craving just feels like I’m anticipating being put on trial for something really bad and smoking is the only way to get a not guilty verdict. I know a lot of this is personal stuff I need to walk through but I don’t know how to fight this to even get there. And even when I make it past the first day, I don’t sleep at all that night, and when I do these bizarre dreams take most of the rest away. So the second day adds exhaustion to the mix. It’s like the symptoms snowball into each other and my mind is just saying “do it, do it, do it”. How can anyone fight all of that working against them? Any tips would be helpful…and if you have read this far thank you for making the time to hear my story. I appreciate it. Thanks in advance for any tips or advice, and please share if you had a similar experience.

5 Likes

First of all, welcome. You’re taking a first step and that’s really important, so you deserve to pat yourself on the back for that. You are amazing for doing this for you.

Second, there are over the counter sleep aids you can get at the grocery store. Try those for a little while to help you get some sleep, but only for a while then start to cut back on them until you no longer take them. You don’t want to become dependent on them, just use them as a tool while your brain heals. Some people like chamomile tea at bedtime help. You can also try taking a natural supplement called Melatonin. Your body makes this naturally. Using lower doses is better than higher doses when possible. None of these should be seen as medical advice, but they are things you can do some research into. Also you could try brainwave apps where you can listen to a frequency to help your brain get into Delta, which is the wave form which it’s in when you sleep.

Third, give yourself time. Your body likes homeostasis. By no longer dancing with Mary Jane, you’re going to be out of sorts for a while. Allow yourself to be a bum if you need to and if you can. Do things that distract you to get your mind off of that voice in the back of your head that tries to tempt you.

As you start to feel better, do things. The more you do, the better you’ll feel. Shower. Go for walks. Contact your friends and family. Find something productive in your life. Start a hobby to fill the time that you used to spend zoned out. I won’t lie to you. It can be hard at first, but slowly it will get better. You can do it. Come back here to this forum every day where you’ll have support. We all want you to succeed.

3 Likes

Hello and welcome.
Thanks for sharing.
@DuncanNZ has some experience with your addiction.

3 Likes

I see it like this. It will set you back to continue with weed. I mean you probably won’t be out robbing and stealing to get it. You probably won’t have the blackouts and do incredibly foolish things that alot of us had in our drunken blackouts. But if you are smart, it will make you less smart. If you are average it will make you below average. Is it a gateway drug absolutely. Every hard drug addict started with weed and if you are only 20 wait until you see what your stoner friends get into during the next 5 years of their lives. Some will do cocaine, acid, ecstasy, meth, opiates, all of the above… it goes on and on. First friend I knew who overdosed was only 25. So why not quit it now? You will get back on track in no time. You can still get into a good school. You can still get a great career. You will save a fortune. I mean it, like just do the math and figure out what a 10 year habit costs. You could buy a decent car and take a vacation to hawaii. Withdrawls are like insomnia and irritiability for a few weeks and then you’re good to go👍🏻.

6 Likes

Gidday. I can relate to this big time. My drug and alcohol use started off pretty innocuous, but very quickly it completely spiraled me out of control. I used my first drug and drink at age 14 with the influence of peers. By the time I was 15 I was kicked out of college for smoking drugs at school, kicked out of home and left town. I started working full time age 16. I thought I knew it all, no body could tell me anything. I’d been Influnced into petty crime and things like huffing solvents. Only friends I had were fake. At this age I hit rock bottom after rock bottom, I had earned a criminal record as long as my arm. Things were worse than they had ever been for me. I decided finally I needed to change when it seemed I was just spiralling deeper and deeper. Eventually I got clean. I think hitting peak anxiety, suicidal depression and psychosis stirred this on. Plus seeing I was going nowhere and hurting the ones that lived me. I swore off the drugs. The withdrawals were bare able, vivid dreams cravings etc. unfortunately due to the legal nature of alcohol and my denial I had a problem with it I continued drinking. I managed to go back to school and graduate, going from a 100% fail rate to being a top student. The alcohol slowly crept in. I associated with those loser friends again. It didn’t take long and I relapsed on drugs again. The downward spiral began again. At this time I had actually got myself accepted into university, but my obsession with drugs took me away from any taste of success yet again and I became complacent and accepted less than what I was capable of. Soon I was again working in a hard farming industry like when I was fifteen. Now 18 I was using drugs and alcohol every single day again. My mind was stronger now, but my body was breaking down, the alcohol literally dissolving me from the inside. I was dying and I had many near death encounters, I also avoided the law by the skin of my teeth, I could’ve caught some serious charges and likely imprisonments, not something I’m built for. Because of the sheer damage to my body I gave up alcohol, not because I wanted to but I couldn’t ignore the health problems, I kept smoking drugs. One year in I relapsed onto alcohol again, the vicious cycle had taken me to 24 years old, 10 years on and I was in the same hole. It had been a traumatic path, ironically I had been using to try and avoid trauma, but it only made it all worse. I am now 13 months without a drink and almost 11 months without a drug. This has been with the help of AA and NA, a place I never thought I would end up. Best thing I’ve done in 10 years, without a doubt. I’ve worked the programme religiously, five meetings a week, service step work sponsor, conventions assembly’s, it’s actually been really amazing. My life has changed dramatically in that short time. I’ve just applied for uni again, I’ve started going to the gym, I have a relationship with my family back, my health has somewhat stabilised apart from when I have cross addicted to food. I’ve learnt a whole lot in aa and na. It’s really invaluable. So so much I could go on and on about it, but for you I would suggest go and find out for yourself with an open mind. I’ve managed to do a meeting almost everyday in lockdown through zoom. I’ve met 1000s of people in aa and na and made good friends mostly older.

As for the withdrawals and the addiction. Yes I can relate. This time around coming down from door was horrible, for one I couldn’t stop at first, I tried but couldn’t. Only by working the two programmes did I manage to get a day up. I stole from my family just to get high, I was in the grip. I had night terrors and night sweats for two weeks straight. I would wake up over and over again, sweating profusely, my dreams were horrible. Unironically what helped me was buying and wearing a crucifix, praying daily, having people pray for me, talking about it, taking it day by day, five minutes at a time if I had to, resetting my day when I had bad days and setting an achievable goal for the day even if it was like folding laundry, brushing teeth. Also avoiding dairy before bed seemed to help. Always doing the next right thing, working through all my issues with the 12 steps dealing with my anger resentments trauma all that finding the good in me admitting powerlessness and Unmanageability. It can be done one day at a time. I can totally relate to you hence the massive reply which I don’t usually do. Thanks

3 Likes

Oh and welcome to the forum I’ve found this place extremely helpful. I suggest getting into the fellowship. You can download zoom and then google NA online meetings. I can help you with this if you want. I’m from New Zealand. We have a 24/7 meeting inline at the moment and ones all around our country. I’ll leave you with this from NA. “We are people who suffer from the disease of addiction, when we swap one substance for another we release our addiction all over again.”

Honesty, openmindedness and willingness.

Please excuse my likely many spelling mistakes I don’t have the time to go and rectify them now.

1 Like

Also I was basically broke during using all the time from wasting money on drugs. When I got sober I started saving like crazy saving what I used and more. I saved $8000 in less than six months all while managing to pay bills clothe myself bought a new iPhone new watch nice necklace boots sports shoes all things I never could afford in using. Went from being homeless by choice to having power back in my life very quickly with due diligence, the gift of desperation, wanting it badly enough and being willing to work to get it.

@The_Mighty_Noodle

1 Like

Hey hey, welcome!

How do we get through it? We accept that it is going to fucking suck, then proceed from there. With the knowledge that this is just a test of our endurance we strive to pass the test. We learn a LOT about our capabilities and strength. We do whatever it takes, second by second sometimes, to get to the next day. And we keep this one fact in mind… This is temporary!

You seem pretty self aware for a 20 year old. You remind me of myself. So change the way you are looking at it. This IS a test. And its VERY temporary.

Now, go forth and kick ass! You don’t want to find out how bad things can get a year or 2 from now.

1 Like

Thank you for the advice and time. I’ve been struggling with this addiction because I hear stories that are so much worse and harder then my own, and I’m feeling really good about starting now but I feel like this should be easier then it is. I’m picking some up that a friend recommended today in terms of the sleep aid, but the reassurance that this does get better is helpful. I guess it’s kind of implied but being sober is so boring at first that it’s hard to imagine life can get any more intresting without it. Thank you again for your support man, this is the first place I’ve gotten it.

1 Like

Thank you for your words of support. I was raised under the say what you mean, not what you want to say kinda attitude. So we were very straightforward with each other. Your message kind of reminding me of what I know. It’s gonna fucking suck and I’m gonna live either way. I’m coming back to this one when it sucks later. Thank you again

2 Likes

Your five years ahead actually, which is terrifying you already know that. I use to have a friend who got so burnt out on DMT, he know believes the world is flat and we live in a simulation. I’ve known people who have know been hospitalized several times for coke. And everything else is just a normal Friday for the people I knew in high school.
I’ve literally no intrest in trippy bullshit, I know the effects are over hyped and then people can’t show disappointment so they just tell everyone it was great until they’re all doing it. The point is…It’s a bit eye opening how you’ve already seen this so I know I’m going the right way. Thank you for the wisdom and support. I appreciate it, and your username says a lot man. That’s the best fucking cause in the world.

2 Likes

That is a story man, thank you for sharing that with me and I’m really happy to hear you are here and doing better. The dealing with your anger and resentments thing may actually be what I need as well. I find I’m far more judgmental and irritable and unforgiving sober and that’s been one of my excuses for smoking for a while. I really do have some shit to work through and maybe that should be a good place to start filling my time. Thank you for your story, your support and your advice with the meetings and calls, because I’ve actually seen some on here for marijuana specifically and I may look into one. Your a legend to be here today and one year is a massive milestone so congratulations man.

Good deal Duncan let it out. You should be proud of yourself man taking it 5 minutes at a time. Happy for you continue on this Journey it leads to wonderful things.

@Mephistopheles :smile: