So I’ve been sober for nearly 16 months. It’s been about 16 months since I’ve been to a party or family gathering. No my choice my family has just been avoiding me and not inviting me since I got sober. At first I just thought maybe they don’t want me to feel uncomfortable because they drink. But I haven’t even been invited to my nephews swim meets or baseball games. It’s hurting to see the big change my family has dont towards me. It’s been hurting so much that I nearly relapsed yesterday.
Can y’all give me feed back about how your family treats you or any advice on what I should do?
I had all those same feelings. But in my case I was the one avoiding my family. Like hardcore. On my one year I came clean to everyone and actually heard from family members that I haven’t talked to in years. Basically the ball is in my court so I need to make the effort to see them.
Since my last relapse 100 days ago my younger sister has banned me from seeing my 4 nephews and even going to her house, I’m angry about this as she has never been around me and alcohol and neither have the kids. I find this extreme and upsetting. The rest of my family who had been at the receiving end of my drunken behaviour have stood by my side…
I’m learning that I can’t fix or address the relationship with my younger sister right now, by trying to do so I’m going to have anger burn inside me for a long time which will undoubtedly result in a relapse. I have to do me and let this anger go, let it be what it will and maybe one day in the future things will work out
Yeah same I never really brought the bad behavior around the kids but they were more happy when I was partying and drinking…which I still party but just sober!
Try meeting them where they are at. You have been given a gift through the steps of AA. It teaches us acceptance. But it doesn’t teach other people in our lives the same thing. I don’t say this to be mean, but maybe just try forming the relationship on their terms, whatever those terms may be.
I don’t think that comes across mean at all. I believe we have a choice - we can either try and deal with people on their terms or choose not to deal with them.
@Longhorn only you know what’s the right one for you! I hope you find some acceptance… Even if that means accepting things aren’t quite where you want them to be right now ️
Huge congratulations on your sobriety time, it’s amazing to hear and also good to be reminded that just because we’re sober it doesn’t make all the problems go away.
Your not being mean at all. Your opening my mind which is what I need. I know if I ask them what there terms are and tell them how I feel they will only get defensive and push me away. Unfortunately I’m not able to say if they are alcoholics themselves but I can say they have a lot of character defects that causes conflict.