Fear, guilt, a higher power and surrender

I’m hurting today and I don’t know how to stop it.
Nightmares of the accident woke me up last night and then I kept having flashbacks. It’s just like being there, it’s terrifying. I couldn’t turn it off, so I turned to God and prayed until I passed out. I’m still sober. I’m still grateful, but holy shit am I afraid.

I guess I just haven’t fully given myself over and surrendered. Or maybe I just have to keep surrendering over and over, every day.


Where is that fear coming from? What are you afraid of?

I’ve never been through this.
It’s so scary. Daily prayer and surrender help, but man, flashbacks are rough.

1 Like

I just read back through your posts and saw where you talked about the accident. What you experiencing is totally normal; in an accident that severe it is probably that you have developed some PTSD symptoms. Combine that with the normalizing of brain chemistry that happens in early sobriety? You have a double whammy. I saw that you are going to AA,and that’s fantastic. Share as much as you feel comfortable. Might there be any chance of also seeing a therapist who could help you with the anxiety and flashbacks?

1 Like

I would love to see a therapist. I just have to make the time.
A lot of the fear comes from not knowing what the charges are yet.
Could be a misdemeanor, could be a felony.
I also still do not know what condition the other driver is in.
The accident has ruined many things already and I can’t help but worry about the ruination yet to come.

Those fears sound very rational and normal; unknowns make us imagine the worst. My best advice is to talk about your thoughts and experiences as much as possible. Keep going to your meetings. Try to stay in the moment as much as you can. Deal with things as they come up. I know it is so hard not to worry about the other driver and the charges. I’m hoping you soon get more information. Just remember - one day at a time, and you can only go forward from here.


I see you giving a lot of really sound, supportive words to others on the forum. Your heart and your head are in the right place.:heart:

1 Like

Thanks, dear.
I’m so glad to be here.


I just heard from my insurance company.
The other driver and their passenger have retained legal council.
My heart is pounding.
I’m terrified. How do you calm yourself when you’re panicking?

Breathe in slowly to a count of five. Hold for a count of six. Exhale to a count of seven. Repeat over and over.

If you find yourself on the verge of panic, count totally non emotional things. All the green things in the room? Bricks in a wall? Silverware in a drawer? Try to breathe as slowly as possible while doing it.

Tighten one group of muscles as much as you can and hold for ten seconds. Release and breathe. Move on to the next group.

Stay in the moment. Nothing you do today can change this situation. Know what would make it a hell of a lot worse? Taking a drink.

Remember your serenity prayer. Get to a meeting if you can.

You are going to be okay. Many people have been where you are right now and have gone on to have happy, productive lives. You can only go forward.

You are going to be okay.


@Mephistopheles @MoCatt

Thanks to you both.
Serenity prayers are the name of the game today.


I’m sorry you’re going through this, but in the end you will come out more educated and stronger.


Man that sounds hella scary. I’m glad you survived the night.

It definitely is over and over again. Was listening to Mike Shinoda’s new album and he says in one song “you don’t say goodbye once, you say it over and over and over again”. Keep going my man!

1 Like