I’m on my way to the doctors and I realize how often I’ve avoided that out of fear, also has me thinking about my fear of abandonment and of both success and failure. All the self sabotage and just insisting on being mediocre simply to avoid the 2 extremes. Drinking and smoking helped with ALL of that.
Now that all the substances are gone I’m having a harder time justifying self sabotage and not following though. It makes me uncomfortable and I’m achieve more…somehow that’s terrifying.
Anyhow, wondering what others fear and how they feel it may tu into their addictions.
“Insisting on being mediocre” wow that really struck a nerve with me. I am doing the exact same thing only I have never been able to articulate it.
I guess my biggest fear is finally having to act on the things in my life that aren’t going great. Up to now I was usually either drunk or feeling like crap to only do the bare minimum and put everything else off. So now it’s not just not drinking but also facing my life head on.
You said it! That’s exactly how I feel now:-) facing my life head on…it’s amazing how much better you feel when you actually do it though!
I realize that all the things I keeps putting off were actually a huge source of anxiety: taxes, doctors office…anything I’d usually drink to “deal” with and conciquedntly didn’t get done.
Now the only way to get rid of the feeling is to do them! And once they are done I’m relieved I also feel better about myself and more confident in myself every time I get something done.
I can definitely relate @Decide . So may things got put off, and some still are. I also started to realize how procrastination and drinking would feed off of each other, like a cycle. I even read into how to deal with procrastination itself - a much more serious problem than people realize, and the core of it is about avoiding fear and discomfort.
Job search, physical health, intimacy, family problems, etc, went unresolved. Out of those, I have now dealt with my health issues. Lost lot of weight, got full physical, blood work, and echocardiogram, and was even able to stop taking blood pressure meds. For some bizarre reason Dr. did not say I was dying!
Anyway, I really want to more forward again, post relapse. Good luck with the doctor, etc - it was an important step!
Rejection and abandonment are big ones… abandonment or being alone may be one for a long time for me…I’ll have to check that book out