So… about an hour and a half ago I got a call from one of my servers, she couldn’t find her car. She wasn’t sure if it got towed or stolen or something. She was understandably upset. I told her to stay at work, that I would be right over. Got out of my sweatpants (yeah, that’s right, I put my sweatpants on as soon as I got home), put on some semi acceptable pants and drove back to work. By the time I got there she has called the police and found out that her car was, in fact, towed, and that she could pick it up. Drove out to the impound only to find out it had to be towed out and it was too late. So then I ended up driving her home.
Sounds like your pretty boring story, I know. But here is the thing… I haven’t been the person people call in a REALLY LONG TIME! Sure people call me for stupid shit, or if someone calls off they have to see if I will come in at work, but as a person, or even a friend? Nahh! My relationships (the few I have still) are definitely getting better, but this was HUGE! She didn’t know who to call or what to do and she chose ME! And the whole time we were driving around she was frustrated and upset, but she listened to me when I talked about choosing your battles and letting what’s already done go. I actually made her feel better!
This was such a weird thing for me because I was ALWAYS that person people called or came to for advice. At least before the peak of my addiction started to change me and claim me. I didn’t realise how I had lost being that person. Or how much I missed being that person. I never acknowledged that I became someone different in this specific way. So when I was driving home I had a smile plastered to my face and I was bopping my head to my trance music blasting through the car.
8+ months ago I would have been pretty drunk at the bar. Now I can be the person people look up to again. The person they call for advice. The person who’s there in an emergency. The person who shows up even when they do stupid shit like park their car with their WAAAAAYYY expired inspection sticker close to a no parking zone. And gets it towed.
I think what really blows my mind is that I never understood the damage I was doing to that perception. I was always seen as someone who really had her shit together and was knowledgeable, responsible, caring and understanding. I moved 2500 miles across the country when I was 18 because I couldn’t stand my life and my family, I was depressed and suicidal. I knew what I had to do and I did it. And then in my 20s I started killing that person with my own hands. That strong, beautiful person completely disappeared. I didn’t realise that until tonight.
Haha, eloquently put my friend. I think I was so blown away because at 8+ months sober that’s the first real epiphany, well big epiphany, I’ve had. Thought it would have happened before this. But I’m so greatful for it!
I have no doubt that you will! It’s a hard road that we walk, but the rewards are beyond worth it! We all have the strength to do it. We just have to find the right tools to dig that strength out and the right glue to make it stick!
Aaaaaaaaaamen! What a wonderful thing to hear. Thank you for sharing. It is indeed baffling and stunning what alcohol steals from us. Worse still that it steals US.
I know I see a lot of them expressed in time (I’m at 55 days today🤗 inching my way to 60) but I wonder if I should write down a checklist of “Occitan e milestones”
