I’m a mother of 2-wonderful beautiful 16 year old daughter and my son he is 9. I’m an alcoholic! I’ve been battling this for sometime now. Back in 2011 I went to rehab came home end of August and my dad died of alcohol that October. I did well for almost 6 Years until I had that one drink. I typically drink late afternoon/night drink then go 3 or 4 days with a horrible fog over me. It’s a cycle. Just recently I was diagnosed with Fybromyalgia and started Cymbalta. Yesterday, I drank it was so very very bad! I love my kids more then anything in this world,when I’m sober great mommy. Why can’t I just avoid alcohol at all costs?!?! There was video of me falling over,hitting my head and saying off the wall stuff. My poor family I feel so badly at times wonder if they would be better off without me. I can never ever drink again and especially on this new medication. I really could of hurt someone or myself
Keep reminding yourself that. Your family is not better off without you… They are better off with you sober. Remember all the terrible things that can and will happen if you drink. Sobriety sounds like a really good choice for you.
You can avoid alcohol at all costs… just remember what a great mum you are to your kids and they love their sober mum and you’ll love yourself. Only one day at a time. You’ll make it.
You can do this. For yourself and for your kids. Do not ever believe they would be better without you because they definitely would not. A sober mom is what you can give them, a real gift. It is okay that they see you struggle, you are human, we all struggle. Show them your strength and love. That it is okay to stumble, just keep moving forward. You can do this.
Everything you said really resonates with me. I would get black out drunk every time I drank and got into fights with my brother and sisters. I caused so much pain to all those around me. But I’ve been trying to change. I’ve relapsed 3 times in about 10 months. I’ve really been trying to be good and focus on my goals and have a plan to fight my cravings.
I also try to think about how I’m going to affect everyone around me. And how I will physically feel if I drink. I can’t function like that. So I’m going to be good to myself and do this for my health and my head. 
We have a disease called Alcoholism.
It manifests itself as an obsession and a craving.
Some also believe we suffer from a spiritual malady.
While there are many paths to recovery ( religion, meditation, exercise, counseling, etc) my experience lies with 12 step programs.
Relapse is part of my story. Last year I was so hopeless I tried to kill myself many times.
I checked myself into treatment and am now going to outpatient treatment as well.
This evening I completed training to be a Telephone Recovery Support volunteer at a treatment center.
I have 150 days. Going to AA and working the steps with a sponsor, going to meetings, getting numbers means I never need to go through this alone.
This has been a humbling experience. To have the relationship I now have with my sister is priceless.
They say the things we put in front of our recovery are the first things we loose when we relapse. I have found that to be true.
I hope you find the help you need.
It took me many tries to decide it’s over. Every horrific hangover. Every near disaster. I went to my doctor and asked for help. Even then I had one final scary blackout.
Please stop rolling the dice. Every time you think about it, imagine a pair of dice. When do you hit snake eyes?