Tonight the topic was about the fellowship of AA. Members shared how they love being in service, being a sponsee and finding friends in those rooms.
Before I begin my rant, disclaimer: I love AA, I need it like I needed to drink. That and this forum have become my rock. Tonight I didn’t want to go, didn’t want to share and hated everyone in that room. As soon as I walked in I wanted to leave.
I found myself looking at all these people with years/decades under their belt and I couldn’t relate to shit. Tonight I didn’t feel the fellowship. Some stories were of how they didn’t feel it in the beginning either, that they resisted at first as well. So I guess there’s light at the end of the tunnel, but from where I’m standing now, it feels dark. I feel like an emotional wreck. Had an overwhelming meeting (work) which ended at 3. Honestly, I would’ve called in sick for the rest of the day and found the closest bar. That would’ve been my day today if I was still drinking.
I have totally felt like that in meetings. Ya know what? It’s ok. Even if that meeting was crappy it did its job by keeping you out of the bar. Good job sticking it out and showing up for you. I’ve found listening to podcasts on sobriety is helpful. Recovery elevator is one of my favorites. Here’s to a better meeting tomorrow!
don’t look to the diferences.
there are shity days when all i want it’s to give up…
tomorrow Will be diferent . maybe better.
but if i drink days Will all be the same. …
Day after Day year after year killing my self.
@Elisabeth, sounds like you just had one of those days today. It’s good that AA is helping you for the most part. And like you (you know you’re one of my peeps) this forum has been extremely helpful in early sobriety for me. I’m still on the fence about AA myself. This morning I roll into 26 days and I’ve only attended two meetings. I attempted two others that ended up being cancelled or just bad info on the meeting directory. I will definitely be going back, but I don’t need it to keep going in the right direction. At least that’s how I feel now.
Sorry you had a bad day .as for AA i to didnt like some of the meets when i first went all these old timers talking well above my head ? but my sponsor said sit on your ass and listen dont make judgements because you dont know anything yet to make them lol that was 30 yeras ago , now im one of those old guys lol and im sure Elisabeth your be ok everyone have a good day
Must be I’m not the only one who don’t sleep! Elizabeth I’m kinda new aa member. Only been to 6 of them,the first one helped learned a lot of good advice, 2nd wanted to leave it & head to the bar!
Guess everyone told me can’t judge it by one meeting. I’ve been going to the same place every time. Think I’m going to try a couple different ones next week. This group here helps as much or more.
Just gona keep taking it day at a time! Listen or read from everyone’s different experiences & learn. Keep fighting the voice that tells you different!
Nowhere was it promised that life would be easy and perfect every single day in sobriety. However, life is 100% than being drunk and a hot mess. Keep going to your meetings even when you dont feel like it. You mentioned before how much you like your group…so it’s just how you’re feeling right now. @Elisabeth, it will be okay. As long as you stay sober, you have a fighting chance. Look how much progress you’ve made. I think you’re being shown an area in your life you need to find a new way to handle. Stress management without alcohol. Releasing resentments. Being kind to yourself. Love ya, girl…keep your head up
I have also toyed at the idea of AA but am doubtful if it is what I need. I would not enjoy standing up and speaking about booze, to me it is something private. I am afraid that like churches it will be run by people,who although do very good work and are genuinely trying to be kind, are alpha male/females running their personal empire.
In saying this perhaps I should give it a bash and with open mind,
I feel like that pretty often @Elisabeth about AA meetings. I will go and it will just feel off (or is it me that is off?!) then the next one is great and I get a lot out of it. Sometimes even at the same meeting place.
@Rod, you never have to stand up or talk at a meeting if you don’t want to. Don’t even have to say you’re an alcoholic. Just say your name when they go around and say you are checking it out, or whatever, and want to pass. Nobody judges you in AA.
Thank you for sharing here…you have helped me…I have to say I am proud of you…you were faced with the exact set of circumstances that would have led you to drink…yet you went to a meeting…you shared your journey with us here…
…which is service…thank you…
You felt anger and hopelessly lost…but you didn’t drink…that is a major victory…that is an inspiration…the mood will pass and then when you can reflect on what you to do with the upset from your meeting you can be proud of yourself…rather than any shame that drinking may have created in the past…
My message may not help you…I hope it does…but I have to express again my gratitude for your strength and your sharing…love , light , healing and recovery…
I attend AA meetings regularly. I too can relate to not wanting to be there some days.
Luckily, in my area, there are over 100 AA meetings a week. So I might attend one group for a while, get bored with it, then attend another group for a while. The thing is, that you see a lot of AA members who jump around and do the same thing. So yes, a group might have a different attitude or atmosphere, but there are still familiar faces.
So I would just suggest trying other groups, and make sure you give AA a solid chance to work for you.
I’ve been off the forum all day today (busy day) but everyone was in my thoughts when I went to a retirement party tonight that had an open bar. F that! Drove home sober and just had a great time. Laughed so hard…sitting there laughing thinking about how wrong this picture was - socializing having a good time - without a drink? Whaaa? Haha
Thanks @Leelee77 I haven’t tried podcasts yet, but you’re right. We have our ups and downs. Just not a good day.
@Jony_Garcia I hear this a lot - don’t look at how I’m different, but how similar I am to everyone in those rooms.
@alpine_1975 I feel the same way! You’re one of my peeps! Thanks for the encouraging words.
@Ray_M_C_Laren I feel like this a lot, I don’t know shit about sobriety, lol. I often feel like a student of AA. Sometimes the way people talk and the language they use… Let’s just say I have a lot to learn, but the only way I’m going to get there is by surrounding myself with people with a lot of time. I’ve said that in many meetings, how sometimes I feel like a toddler surrounded by adults.
@Chip I’ve gone to 2 different groups so far. Its kind of scary going to a new one for the first time.
@Melrm I’m trying! People have been telling me that too. When your addict brain says don’t go, that’s really when you should go the most. Ack!
@Rod I don’t know about other groups, but you definitely don’t stand up and you can always ALWAYS pass.
@Kareness agreed. I think it was me and needing that meeting to get out of my head. It helps to hear other peoples stories/problems because most of the time I’m selfish af. Working on this.
@MotiMad thank you! The mood did pass and I’m so glad I went instead of grabbing a drink.
@Goose I agree and I’ve heard this from others, how they go to different ones, or rotate among a few so as not to get stagnant. I think I need to add a couple more to my rotation.
Woo! That was long but I personally wanted to thank every single person for their response. It’s like having a team of people in my pocket cheering me on and sharing their wisdom.
Seriously thank you all!!!