Feeling alone in recovery

Hey I’m new to this app, but I’m hoping to connect with people. I’m in my 20’s and I’ve been sober for 4 year from cocaine and almost a year from alcohol. I hate who I was when feeding my addictions, but I also feel so alone in my sobriety.

I feel like no one knows how severe my addictions were, or the things that happened. I just feel alone in my sobriety and sometimes like who even cares if I stay sober. I just want people to care about me and give some credit to how hard it actually is to stay sober. I always crave validation, I wish I could just be happy enough to be proud of myself, but I don’t know. It’s weird and I don’t know how to explain it. This might not even make sense, or even get any responses.

It’s be so nice if this app is kind of like AA or support groups. I’ve always wanted to go but I have horrible anxiety, so I can’t get myself to go haha I’m not sure how to end this, anyways… :heart:

21 Likes

I totally get the anxiety part and it’s good that you’re reaching out here. I just joined yesterday and it’s already helping me by getting support I need. I don’t feel so alone because everyone is doing the deal. Congratulations on having so much sobriety time THAT’S AMAZING!!! I hope you can make some good connections on here, the people are really caring and supportive. Have a great day!

5 Likes

maybe try a zoom meeting sit in your apartment dont have to go out ,your doing great wish you well

4 Likes

Thank you! Yeah that’s a great idea, maybe I’ll give that a shot :blush:

2 Likes

Awh thank you so much!! It took a few goes before sobriety stuck. That makes me super happy to hear though! I look forward to using this app more now haha :yum:

2 Likes

Welcome to this awesome forum. This is a great place to make connections. Sometimes just chatting with others in your situation makes it so much easier.

6 Likes

Thank you! Honestly just everyone’s welcoming response makes me happy already :heart:

2 Likes

Thank you, I can imagine it is! Always helps to not feel alone in your thoughts or struggles. Looming forward to using this app more

3 Likes

Welcome. Congratulations on your four years and one year. That’s awesome! This is a good place to find people who understand what you’re going through. Some people need external validation and some people don’t, but neither is bad or good. It’s just who you are. What is good is that you recognize what you need and are letting others know instead of keeping it to yourself and then feeling disappointed when you don’t get what you need. Good for you. I hope you’re able to find what you need here. You’re doing great. Keep it up!

2 Likes

Thank you so much! It’s very appreciated! Yes it’s funny you mention that. I started seeing a therapist last year, and it felt like a super power learning to say ‘no’ or telling others what I need. So it’s kind of neat you say that haha

2 Likes

Good for you! It sounds like you’re on the right track for yourself and your life.

There are a lot of positive influences here. It really is a good community. I get what you mean about not going to meetings. I’ve never been able to get myself to a meeting in person so I really do use this app as a kind of substitute for that and it’s worked well for me.

I know you said you felt kind of lonely in your sobriety, so if you ever need to just chat or what not, you’re welcome to message me.

2 Likes

Welcome to he forum Jess, 4 years no cocaine and a year no alcohol is fucking awesome.
Your dog is sooo cute

1 Like

Welcome and congratulations.
You need to know that what you have done is because you care about yourself.
Have you read Codependency no more. Look the book up.

2 Likes

I understand how you feel , I have 8 months sober and do get support from loved ones …but I always feel lonely when single ( which I currently am) and I know it’s not exactly the same as what you are going through but I get the feeling of needing validation…mines only comes in a more intimate way by feeling I need to be with someone to feel happy. I’ve been working on it by focusing on myself and talking to my therapist but at I time I feel this wave of loneliness and I just get depressed. To get over it I just remind myself that I’m doing this out of love for myself and I need to love me first before I could ever love a potential future partner. I wish you best of luck on your journey and I hope me sharing helps you feel less lonely and reminds you that you aren’t crazy because of how you feel. Also …give it time and you will see and me alot of people who will encourage you and congratulate you on your achievements through sobreity while on here :grin:.

9 Likes

I understand how you feel. I’m glad you’re here, this community it kind, supportive and loving. People in our real life often don’t ‘get it’, the recovery journey…and what it’s like. That’s why support groups and this app are so wonderful, because they allow you to connect with other people who are going through something similar to yourself. Your 4yrs and 1yr are such amazing achievements! You must have much courage and strength within :muscle::heart:

And, @Johasy_Toribio thank you for sharing like you have. This is what I too am going through. It is also my experience of lonliness, having been single for so long :disappointed: I have lots of people in my life, but no one to feel affection and love with and for, and this is hard. I think it’s also about validation for me too, perhaps :thinking:
I just keep telling myself when the time is right, love will come; because I know I have so much love to give. Your time will come too.

5 Likes

Haha thank you! He’s my favourite living creature, I love him so much!

1 Like

Thank you for sharing, that actually does help! I get what you mean with needing validation with intimacy. It sounds weird, but I always had this idea of someone ‘fixing’ me. If someone liked me, I’d magically be fixed. I definitely put too much into a person, and too fast. And that even includes friendships. Regarding a romantic partner, this is my first healthy and long term relationship.

At the beginning of this relationship, I was starting off on a better path. I made a conscious decision to make sure I gave myself the credit for the hard work, and not telling myself it was because of him or else it’d risk my progress if we didn’t work out. And I still remind myself of that.

I just want to say, I really disagree with the saying that we need to love ourselves before we can love someone else. I feel like it puts an unfair pressure on us who have a deep rooted hate for ourselves. I started to respect my life and my body more… but I still to this day don’t “love” myself. I like my progress and some things about me, but I can’t say I love myself. But I truly love my boyfriend, and he’s the first person I’ve ever said it to. He loves me for me, supports my sobriety, and helps me with my mental health as much as he can.

I just wanted to mention that because the right person will love you for you, and help you like yourself more. They will be willing to learn with you, and talk things through. I truly believe that because I’ve experienced it. So keep your head up, the time will come when it is meant to. And you too @emc2018 :blush:

Congrats on 8 months by the way! I’m proud of you! That’s awesome you’re seeing a therapist as well. Good luck on your journey as well.

Also, if you are ever feeling lonely and depressed, I’m available for a chat! I still feel that way at times, and I have a strong relationship. Depression, anxiety and addiction just suck. I can tell this group is already helpful though, I’m glad it exists.

4 Likes

It was no problem :+1:, that’s what we are all here for and really appreciate it you sharing , I needed to hear some of that , I might take you up on your offer if I ever need to vent :laughing:

2 Likes

Your right, my thing is that I feel I fucked up so many relationships during my addictions in my twenties that now that I turned 30 …I feel like I missed my opportunity at true love or whatever lol …I know 30 isn’t that old …but it feels like it when it comes to dating now a days

2 Likes

Yes please do take me up on it! Haha I love to listen and try to help others. Plus I feel like we can relate to each other a lot.

You definitely didn’t lose your opportunity at true love because you’re in your 30’s. Try your best to get that out of your head! Age genuinely is just a number. It might feel like you lost a lot of relationships during your addictions, but there will be plenty more. Plus you sound like you’re in a much healthier place, which would attract a more mature person who wants the same things as you.

Also, I’m not sure of your back story, but something I did was move away from the places where things got really out of hand. It wasn’t the only reason why, but a big factor. (Two cities and a town.) Too many triggers and shame for me. A fresh slate always feels good… and a good opportunity to reinvent yourself. I know it’s easier said then done though, but just something I think helped :blush:

3 Likes