Soooo this is about the 30th time I’ve had to reset. I’m so sick of alcohol and the power it has over me. I wasn’t going to drink last night, but of course I found an excuse to drink. 3/4 bottle of red later I am texting inappropriate stuff to a co-worker that my husband read. I would have never texted any of it sober, I make such horrible choices when I drink.
Now my marriage is on the rocks and I feel so depressed. I hurt someone who I care for deeply, and I feel like a horrible person.
Everything negative in my life is a result of alcohol. I’m a better parent, spouse, and over all person when I am sober but I am finding it impossible to say no to drinking, and always put myself in situations where alcohol will be involved. I’m so frustrated that I can’t just control my drinking, or have just one like other people.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated 
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My advice: Let this be your defining moment. Let this be the lowest point. Let this be the time where sobriety finally stuck. You can’t change who you were last night, but you can change who you are right now, and who you will be tomorrow, and the next, and the next.
You know you are a “better everything” sober. So decide to be better, and then be better.
Alcohol has no power over you, if you don’t take the first drink. Like the vampire, it must be invited into your “house”, before it can bite you. So when it knocks, say “no. I am done. I am strong. I am better.”
It all comes down to one drink, the first drink. Say “no”, and you win. It can’t take your dignity, or your judgement, or your marriage, or your job, if you just say “no”.
Get better at getting better, each and every day.
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Allison - it is nice to see you posting again. I can’t improve one bit on what Steve said. I’ll be pulling for you and know you can do it.
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Well it seems like you have made more progress than you realize. You admit that you can’t have just one. Armed with that knowledge you will be much better prepared for recovery. I’m not sure what type of program you have tried in the past but maybe it’s time to try something new. AA works for a lot of us. We are starting a SMART recovery meeting thingy here you could try. For a more drastic change there’s the rehab route. There’s also Medically Assisted Treatment you can ask your doctor about. The important thing is you do something and you don’t do it alone.
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I can relate to the feelings you are going through, having relapsed many times. I don’t what advice I could give other than my own experience struggling with addiction. I have learned, the hard way, that when I have made the decision to drink and acted on it, my mind tends to erase my memory of all the negative experiences that alcohol created in my life. Try to make the most of your suffering and hold on to the truth of what alcohol does to you and the people in your life. The temporary release, euphoria, escape comes at quite a steep cost. At least it did for me over time. I wish you the best in your journey forward!
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Wow!! Change wine to whisky, and husband to wife this is my story. Thank you for posting. This is advice that I too need.
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