I managed to make it 20 days sober… I was feeling fantastic and had so much energy. The cravings never did go away…
Long story short, about a month ago I decided I deserved a drink and could handle just one, WRONG! !
Now I’m back where I started, still not drinking as much though. Ill drink 3-4+ days a week and then get black out drunk on the weekend.
This weekend I drank with my spouse at the bar and got so drunk they had to carry me home. I feel and hurt my head, pushed them, people were asking them if I was okay. I embarrassed them and myself… Alcohol didn’t used to turn me into a mean person but now it seems to have the Dr jekkle and Hyde affect on me.
It’s really taking a toll on my relationship and health… even with all this said I have no motivation to quit… I am feeling hopeless about being an addict … Everything else in my life is amazing. But I have become a person I never wanted to be and am following in my families footsteps of being an alcoholic.
Ugh… Needed to vent. I have three beers jnt he fridge I’m going to finish today and then going to do my best to quit again!
I know how you feel, i was just feeling the same way and then clicked on the forum and saw your post. I have gone to a few AA meetings and i will feel really pumped up about getting sober because i feel so good when I’m sober, but then after a few days its like out of nowhere i decide i need a few beers, which turns into 10. Then i wake up hungover, depressed, feeling hopeless… i have had to reset my day counter about 5 times. So here i am and it’s day one again. I totally get what they mean in AA when they say alcohol is Cunning, baffling,etc… We already know what will happen but our brain keeps saying we can just have “a few” … And we fall for it time after time. It feels like i have a mental illness, im so tired of this.
Awe Today is the day you start to live a sober life.I will say a prayer for ya. Hopefully your life won’t be so bad while you detox. Keep your head up. You got this… God bless
Alcohol for me in a nutshell was “when I controlled it, I couldn’t enjoy it, and when I enjoyed it, I couldn’t control it”. There is a very poignant personal story in the AA book about this. I never wanted just one or two, what’s the point of that? I wanted to get drunk. I was not interested in controlling my drinking, what I really wanted was to be able to drink the way I wanted to without consequences. Try looking at it this way, “If I’m an alcoholic I should not drink and if I’m not an alcoholic I don’t have to drink”. A nice piece of logic to keep from picking up that first one. The desire to be able to consume alcohol like a normal person is the active alcoholic’s great wish. I never ordered a cocktail in my life to discuss the nuance of the flavors, it was about getting from point A to point B, period. Try and be as honest as you possibly can to yourself, decide what is most important in your life, and proceed accordingly.
Dhiggi, everyone here is routing for you, you can do it!! If there is a family history, you might need more support from your doctor, make an appointment asap, tell them how you are feeling and get whatever it takes to support you on this journey. Imagine your life without your spouse, alone and miserable for the sake of a bottle of poison and then reimagine your life healthy, fulfilled and happy with them. Good wishes go with you.
Stating the truth for you @Dhiggi and anyone questioning going back to drinking or using after sobriety…it will get worse and worse. You’ll continue to go back to previous levels of drinking/using that your body can’t handle. It’s incredibly dangerous and it’s hard as hell to crawl out of. You’ve got to take this seriously.
Thank you everyone for your advice and words of encouragement. It’s means alot to me. This battle feels extremely lonely at times and it’s a relief to know there are people out who have struggled and still are struggling with this addiction. I needed hear
all of that and I am feeling so hopefully for the future
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