Been having a hard time sitting on my hands and surrendering and accepting
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Welcome. I dont know if I have any advice, in the first couple of weeks/month I was definitely white knuckling it at times.
Lately I’ve been better, listening to a few podcasts etc to help.
Reading posts/threads on here is a big help for me and the main help.
Stick around here theres some helpful people ready to drop some wisdom
Hello Callie, welcome to this place. Have a big read and and immerse yourself. Some days are harder I must admit. I’m still in, what I call, my toddler days. A bit resentful I can’t drink still. But I have to play the tape forwards each time and see it through to every bitter and crazy conclusion. That tends to help me bargain with my desires and reach an acceptance. I’m those moments you release the knuckle as an educated decision has been made. Then distract.
White knuckling or no, just keep going. You should jump in if you want and tell us your days clean and whatever, might help. Loads of threads to get active.
Best of luck.
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Hi Callie,
Are you going trough a rough time lately?
For me if I am in rough waters mentally because of stress at work ore something else I’m fulnerable in my sobriaty as well.
White knuckeling as you said. What helps me is being here more and listenen to sober podcasts.
I also try to walk more because that keeps me more grounded and out of my head.
So my advise would be: add something extra in your recovery to push yourself trough this.
White knuckeling isn’t that bad if it’s a short period of time and it’s way better then drinking.
Venting helps too and you just did.
Welcome here 
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When i first went to meetings i had to sit on my hands as i was shaking ,that was along long time ago now maybe try ameeting might help wish you well
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Hi Callie, welcome 
. What do you do to maintain your sobriety? I listened to a couple of audiobooks that shifted my perception of alcohol forever. I no longer see alcohol as something I’m deprived of which lead me to having to work on myself. What are we trying to escape from, how to change behaviors and such.
There are many wonderful people here that have achieved sobriety in many different ways… we just have to find what works best for us. Best wishes to you
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Welcome, Callie. I’m glad you posted today with your concerns because there are so many of us here who can relate to that feeling. I came here with that feeling at times, especially early on, and learned a lot from what others had to say. Reading around others’ posts about what has worked for them in their work to stay sober helped me to learn what I might need to do differently - it’s not just about “not drinking” but more about what am I doing instead? How am I shifting my thinking about alcohol? What do I want from my life and how has alcohol kept me from being my best or better self? I did a whole lot of introspection, helped me to journal and write down my thoughts a lot. But I also tried and continue to try new things when I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread. I’ll link just a few of my favorite threads below and I hope you will take some time to read through.
Ultimately what helped me the most was to get active here, check in every day or most days (I’ll link that thread below too) and start to get to know some people here and build some relationships. It might just be online but the relationships and mutual support I’ve found here have helped me over the years to go from white knuckling to maintaining and even thriving. It’s not linear, there are tougher and easier times but I know I’ve got this global group of folks to lean on when I need. I hope you will keep coming back and join in and maybe find out the types of things that could help you get a foundation beneath you so you can lean into sobriety and recovery and not feel that white knuckle stress so much. I’m glad you’re here.
Advice for the newcomer and constant relapser
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Welcome Callie!
I tried white knuckling sobriety a few times throughout my life but I always ended up back where I left off, sometimes worse. Those sober stints would last months and up to a year. It finally stuck when I surrendered and got myself into a program. I no longer view alcohol as a coping mechanism, it’s now a poison, plain and simple. When life gets challenging, my first thought is no longer a drink. That obsession has been lifted with the help of AA and this forum. I now have so many tools in my sober toolbox that white knuckling is a thing of the past.
Wishing you the best on your journey.
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