Today is day 9 sober. I couldn’t believe what a great mood ive been in the last few days after I was over my day 3 awful hump. (that day was HARD) But I pushed through. Woke up last few days way earlier than I have in forever! Felt so good. Had coffee. Went to meeting.Went and got a beach sticker so i could go anytime free. Which i did 2 days in a row. Felt. Wow. I really got this.
Then today. Complete opposite!! I feel so down and lonely! Im again back and forth with, I can just try moderation. Just drink some the week the kids are gone ( with their dad every other week) so they wont have to see me in any bad way. Its so frustrating! I hate the thought of NEVER having another drink. I dont have any sober friends sadly so im on my own with this which is so damn depressing. Meetings do help for a little while, then i come here. I knew this wouldnt be easy its just so annoying that i felt so good and proud then BAM!! Im a mess again! Feels good to at least write this. I know i wont drink. I am concerned when my kids leave friday for the week. Ughhh one day at a time. I know. Thanks for listening.
Hi Tinamarie
The first time I quit I doubted I could forever. I also didn’t want to think about never drinking again. But then I read some books about how bad alcohol really is, and how we are socially conditioned to drink, and how addiction works, and it helped to change my mindset.
Also try breaking it down to smaller goals. If never seems impossible, try for 30 days. Or two weeks. Once you get there you might decide to go longer 
Your emotions are going to be wacky for a while. Hang in there 
Hi, it’s normal to feel the way you do and you’ll flip flop back and forth for awhile. I also felt that way on the beginning and shared your worries about never drinking again and not knowing anybody sober. I weighed what was more important to me, my family or my drinking buddies, guess who won. Some will disappear for certain, others may see you as an inspiration. Dont worry about the sober friendships yet, they’ll come. Also dont worry about the non sober friends, that’ll work itself out too. Hang in there, it can be done and its worth it. Change will happen and you’ll be grateful…
Thank you. Thats a good idea. I like that. Dont think of it as forever right now. That gives me panic.
Thank you 
I have had many, many days in the last 30 years of sobriety that have sucked. REALLY sucked. Some as bad, or worse than days I had while drinking.
The difference is, these days I can ADDRESS my issues more effectively. I still run from a few…but they always catch up to me.
So, sit with the bad feelings. Give yourself permission to have less than glorious feelings. You, and everyone else, have them.
You’re human.
You’re allowed❤
…and MAYBE…
Consider NOT going it alone? Go to AA…GET some sober friends in your life.
Hey, great that you’re reaching out here. You’re doing great. This is quite normal so don’t worry too much about it. Just know that what you are doing is for your future. It’s been said, but don’t worry about what’s to come.
Hi! I was curious what some of the books you read were? I love reading and I’ve been trying to find some good ones to start on.
Thanks! 
Lots of people seem to like Annie Grace’s “This Naked Mind” and also anything from Eckhart Tolle as well.
There’s a few book threads, maybe give them a perusing and grab some ideas
Hi Karlie!
I started with Allen Carr’s “Easy Way to Quit Drinking” - the writing was fairly simple and it was a good intro to the ideas that alcohol “does nothing for you” and that it is pushed on us by society.
Then Ruby Warrington’s “Sober Curious” which was more about being mindful when and if you do drink but not necessarily helpful for someone who wants to quit entirely perhaps.
“The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober” by Catherine Gray was a good memoir/how to enjoy being sober. It was funny, poignant and totally relatable.
Now reading “The Biology of Desire” by Marc Lewis which talks about addiction within the brain, why we get addicted and case studies of those who have overcome (if that is the right word) addiction by re-writing neural pathways. I’m really enjoying it - it’s a scientific look at addiction which for me is more helpful than some of the language that I’ve heard saying we are powerless against alcohol and so on.
They all, for the most part, point out that alcohol is an incredibly addictive drug that is freely pushed on us by society, advertisers, friends etc… but by changing our habits and patterns we can rewrite brain associations and “habits” (I’m happy/sad/angry/frustrated/lonely/socialising/stressed/relaxed therefore I should have a drink because that is what I have learned I should do/need).
I haven’t yet read “This Naked Mind” although I hear it is similar to the above books, but I do want to read some Eckhart Tolle because I think that will help me be more “present” and mindful and aware, which will be good for life in general, not just overcoming addiction.
Let me know what you find! 
I completely understand. I try to never think about staying sober “forever”. I just concentrate on the next hour, the next day. I started drinking again after 10 years sober - And I ended up in the same damn place. Endangering myself and making terrible decisions. Now I’ve got 4 1/2 years sober…again. It sucks sometimes, but it helps me to be able to say here that if I start drinking again I know I will end up in a really bad place.
It’s easy for me to see how heroic it is for others to stay sober. Hard to give myself the same credit.
Ive told my only friend what happened last night. And now she blocked me and doesnt wanna nothing to do with me… 
Howdy there!
I know how you feel. Early sobriety is such a roller coaster and your body is going through a lot of changes. With me, I get frustrated because I want it to level out right now. I want to feel better now! But I did so much damage to myself that it’ll take a while for my mood to stabilize. I’ve heard 90 days and depending on your DOC, it could be about a year.
But it will get better! I’m a little over 4 months sober and I’m starting to feel a bit normal I guess? But about a month ago, I would randomly break down crying. Over anything! Over nothing! It does get better, it just takes time! 
I hope any of that made sense! You can do it! You’re feeling your feelings again! That’s a good thing!
Thank you!! I am going to check out the library tomorrow for these suggestions. I love memoirs but also want to expand. I read Unwasted-My Lush Soberity by Sacha z. Scoblic and I really enjoyed it. Talks about the struggles of doing normal things as a recovering alcoholic. It’s funny, sad and real! I have a list somewhere of some other reads, I will keep in touch and share with you!
Have a great rest of your weekend!
Could you share with me also if you don’t mind
Here is a thread with lots of reading suggestions…
Continuing the discussion from Anyone have suggestions for a good book to read?:
Thank you!
Maybe go to a meeting? Tough to do it alone. Hang in there And don’t give up!
It does get better. I’ve been sober four years and my doctor told me recently that my brain is still adjusting to sobriety, after drinking for 15 years!
Just noticed this post of yours @Ish. Sad to hear about this “friend” of yours. Doesn’t sound like much of a friend to me.
Noticed lately, though, that you are in much better spirits. Keep at it. It gets better. And you’ll make better friends. Thanks for sharing.