My children are in care, they will be coming home at the end of the month. I was having 5 visits a week and because of the virus, all my visits have been cancelled for 3 weeks or until further notice… it’s been 2 weeks since I last seen them. And it’s my son’s birthday today, he is 2 years old today. I’m happy I was able to talk to them on the phone but it isn’t the same. All the guilt and shame is coming up hard today, that maybe if I could change the past then they wouldn’t be in this situation and we would be celebrating his birthday today. I’m glad that I’m 40 days sober today (yay) and that I’m able to feel all these feelings sober and not running to the bottle to numb them. But today just sucks, I just want to sleep and disconnect from everything.
Being 40 days sober is the BEST present you can give your son.
If you need to stay in bed and disconnect from everything just to get through the day, do it.
Ugh Kendall, this is really rough, my heart goes out to you! Can’t imagine how hard that must be as I don’t have kids, but !!! As has already been said, your sobriety is of primary importance for your kids and your future life together as a family and you can be so so proud of yourself for these 40 days and that you continue on going strong with sobriety! I hope you can quieten the trouble and guilt in your head tonight somewhat by thinking of this future and focussing on the now and the path you have chosen. X
My wife and kids are in rehab and quarantined. Haven’t seen them in 3 and a half weeks. Well I did have one video call. None the less I feel your pain. I have their love however and no body can take that from me. I keep it and I use it to get me through the rough times. I have 2 other kids i haven’t seen in 4 years. Not by choice. Luckily he won’t remember his 2nd birthday and you have many more to come
This is me at my 3rd birthday. My dad recently sent me this. I don’t remember any if it
Hey Kendall! Congrats on your 40 days! Be Proud.
There’s one thing you have to try and stop. That is the " IF’S"! If I wouldn’t of done this, done that ect… Leaving our Past back there is the Hardest thing to do.( I’ve been sober almost 2 years) and still struggle sometimes! Not often though. Quit kicking yourself!!! Move Forward! Right now it looks grim! Doesn’t it look better than it did 40 days ago!
You don’t dwell on the past, regret and resentment are just reflections of a broken mirror, there’s no point looking at a distorted past. What you do today, right now, is building your future and your children’s, you’ve had a small glimpse in the last 40 days of what’s possible, imagine what else you can do with the time you got ahead of you.
Looks like trouble, lol!
As it turns out. That’s exactly how the story went. Lol
You predicted the future
Jk of course; all little boys are trouble! I know mine hasn’t been a walk in the park, lol!
“Never again”. How many times have we experienced the consequences of our action or inaction, and made this vow in response? I know I have, many times, and for many things.
Sometimes, I stuck to the vow, and never again did, and spared myself further pain, anger, embarrassment, or loss. Sometimes, I didn’t keep that promise to myself, and eventually found myself once again saying, “never again”.
I remember that sad look my wife gave me, the morning after my last binge. I remember that feeling of shame and self-loathing. I remember being physically sick. I remember vowing “never again”.
I have kept my promise for 852 days. I will keep getting better at getting better, as long as I “never again”…and you can do like wise.