I need a girls input. I had been dating the same girl for about 9 years until we split up last year. We have been talking and are “back together” whatever it’s complicated but we fight constantly still. I have been sober 87 days and think I have been proving my new life to her. But she is still acting out and I think she’s trying to punish me for the helI I put us through. She is purposely acting cold, spending almost all of her time with her friends and I feel like I just messed it up beyond repair. I just feel like she doesnt care anymore but doesnt want to tell me straight up that we are really done. She is not an addict and never has been. I know we can’t see each other’s point of view but idk. Just wanted to rant I guess. Thanks all. Much love.
First questions…are you in a recovery program? Do you have a sponsor? Have you started working a 12 step program with a sponsor?..
I know this may not be something you want to hear, but my personal thought on this is that YOU need to move on. The memories and relationship you built together before were when you were in the midst of addiction. Not your true sober self. She may not even know “how” to be with you anymore without that involved. You have the opportunity now to find love in a whole new way and with fresh starts with someone who will not judge you based on your past and the memories left there. It may be best for her as well to move on. I don’t want to sound like a downer. Actually it’s the opposite. Opportunities await you if you give it a chance. By letting go you both will win. 
Kristi
Yeah. I didn’t think of it like that. I just thought she would be able to see the new me and us move forward together without my chaos. @MicheleH yes yes and yes. My sponsor is an old single man who told me to cut my loss and find a new one. I just felt it could work out.
It’s funny how when we get sober we just assume our partner is going to just throw away their resentments, that they are going to want to change because we are so “well” now…lol…unfortunately it just isn’t that simple. Just because we stop drinking and start or recovery doesn’t mean the world and people around us are going to suddenly forgive us for what we did and just accept our new way of life. I don’t necessarily believe a relationship has to end, or that person needs to be kicked out of your life unless her reactions and behavior are detrimental to your sobriety. Especially in early sobriety, your sobriety has to come first before ANYTHING! this is the time you should be totally selfish (not in an egotistical way), humble (but not a doormat) and accountable for your part, and diving into the step work helps with all of that, and especially to PRAY! Remember, she is just as sick and broken as you, even if she’s not the alcoholic or addict. One more thing to consider, if this relationship does end, don’t jump into another one! Give yourself time to heal, to grow up, to become the kind of person you want to have in your life, and that takes time. Try and remember this, we attract people who are at the same level of healthiness that we are at. If you’re twisting in the wind, that’s who you’re going to attract. Be patient, work your program as if your life depended on it (cuz it does), pray (cuz Your higher power is listening) and keep trudging along (cuz that’s how those before us did it)! 
I will give it some time and see how it plays out. Your right. If it’'s meant to be it will be 
thank you all.