Hi everyone, this is the first time I’ve gone out of my comfort zone and actively reached out for advice. I’ve been saying for weeks/months I’ll stop doing cocaine and I can do it on my own but, if anything, my usage has become more frequent. Last week was the first day I had to take a day off work because I was up in the early hours in the living room getting high and I had an almighty scare when I got off the sofa today and my chest pains were the worst they’ve been the day after a session. It’s getting to the point where I can’t meet a mate for a pint as I’ll just know I’ll end up getting some. I’ve been doing it for 4 years but I just can’t say no if it’s around. So here I am, hopefully on the journey but not knowing what’s going to happen when I come across it. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
David
I have the same problem. I have a hard time saying no when it is around and Im drinking. I feel awful the next day and swear not to do it again…then the weekend comes and I repeat. I already have a problem with binge drinking and thats usually when I do the coke. So in order to stop that I am deciding to stay away from alcohol…stopping altogether. I make bad choices when drinking is combined with coke…nothing good has ever come out of it. So far I have gone a week without drinking and feel great. I made a list of reasons not to drink. The craving for coke only happens when I drink so for me, abstinence is what will keep me away from that
Your reply is EXACTLY my cycle. I just feel like every time ive made a new low it will be a reason to stop. I recently had coke cut with speed which was making me throw up all night. I said I need to stop after that. Few days later, I was back on it again. I ended up doing it on my own in my room. Said I need to stop. Weekend comes round and I instantly say yes when it’s put in front of me. Like yourself, the drinking starts it for me. Just one or two pints and I start to want to take the night to the next level. I like your idea about making a list… I will have to try that. I’m glad to hear it’s been a week for you and you’re already enjoying the feeling 
I hope I get that feeling too. Thanks for your response, i needed it today.
The last couple times my stuff has been cut with something else…i know it and that too is a reason to stop. I dont want to end up sick or in the hospital for some reason. This weekend was the first weekend in months i stayed home, did not drink and i was so productive. Went to yoga, spent time with my hubby and kids…no feelings of guilt or dread and no hangover. Yeah, this was a good weekend. I hope you can find your way to keep yourself off the redundant roller coaster.
This is the same for me too. Only I live with my BF & he does it too. So even if I succeed he’s not even trying to stop so gets it in & I get sucked in.
Yes, I live with my flatmate and his gf is over a lot and we all do it. We enable each other so even staying in and not going out doesn’t work sometimes! Would he try to stop if you said you’re not enjoying it anymore?
He says he’d stop all together if it makes me unhappy.
It is making & keeping me unhappy and he hasn’t stopped.
Could you move out of your flat?
It does scare me not knowing what the hell it could be cut with but ive still done it plenty of times since. I just use a different dealer! I like the idea of being productive and not staying in bed all day with a comedown, I’ll add that to the list thank you, I hope you continue to enjoy the new life!
It sounds like he’s not aware or he simply hasn’t reached that point where, like us, you’re realising it’s just not worth it or fun anymore. It doesn’t sound nice that it’s keeping you unhappy, that must change, life is too short for that. I love my flat and my flatmate, which would make it so hard. I moved here a few years ago and it took me ages so get myself sorted. I’d hate to have to start again… Hopefully I can stop it getting to that point
I have over a year clean from coke/crack and all other drugs. What helped me was working a program. For years I talked about how I wanted to quit, made lists of reasons why I should quit, tried to change the people around me. And I always kept using. Turns out the only person I needed to change was myself, which is good bc I’m the only person I can change.
Once I started going to meetings and working steps recovery got pretty easy. As long as I continue to work a program staying clean really isn’t as challenging as people would lead you to believe.
Yeah I’m the same…I can stop it myself. Mind over matter, just because he’s/they’re doing it doesn’t mean I have to…
I’m focusing on how shit it makes me feel & all the stuff I don’t do because of it.
That’s what I’ve always been hesitant on is the whole program thing. Today is the first time I’ve used anything like this, I have contacted Cocaine Anonymous as they do hold meetings in my local town so I’ll see how that ends up. Over a year clean sounds awesome though man I’ll take your advice and try and get out of my comfort zone and go to a meeting, if it worked for you then it can work for me huh!
Yes but the only way I feel I can do that is to completely remove myself from the situation which, like yourself, is pretty hard to do when it’s where you live. I think it’s much easier to think like that when not drinking, I would love to not say “fuck it” every time and get on it and actually think about the consequences!
If you really do want to stop. Really do want to. Then for a while, stopping has to be the most important thing. If certain friends or certain situations result in you doing coke or alcohol or alcohol then coke then you MUST avoid those friends and situations. Don’t kid yourself that this time you can say no when offered or that you can have a couple of beers and stay in control.
You have tried that many many times and haven’t succeeded.
If that means avoiding friends for a while, even if it means changing where you live or where you work or who your other half is, then you have to do it.
If you’re not ready to do that, then you don’t want to give up quite enough yet. You’re still hoping you can have the good time you remember rather than the dozens of bad times you’re trying to forget.
Chances are that if you have a problem you can’t control, you’ll lose those friends, that job and that place you live in sooner or later anyway.
That’s not me being judgemental, just speaking from my own experience.
It’s a big ask of yourself.
The good news is you can do it. If you really do want to.
That’s awesome that you have CA nearby. I work my program through AA but they are similar.
I’m the same. It’s a curse.
Do you also have numbers on.your phone? I switch from dealer to dealer in the hope’s for a winner bag. Its pathetic really
Our stories are bizarrely similar. I too emailed cocaine anonymous just this morning…
Delete them dealer numbers. I didn’t do it the first time I tried to get sober and… Well I got high
I tried that too. But where there is a will there is a way.