Finally accepting I have a problem with cocaine

No doubt. The benefit comes from pausing. Even a slight delay (by not having a number) can allow you enough time to change your trajectory. A relapse isn’t a single bad decision. It’s a culmination a many bad decisions in a row that end with the drug being the best available option.

I’ve never had cocaine just appear in my needle ready to bang. I had to put in the work to get it. They key is to turn that effort into staying sober.

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I haven’t had numbers to dealers in my phone for months but I know I can get it delivered to my house quicker than a pizza by contacting a couple of my closest friends. I know what the answer that is going to be but cutting off my best friends is even harder than deleting a dealers number :confused: I agree on your point though Englishd, why don’t we put that effort into getting sober rather than looking for a high? I felt such a low this morning whilst on my first day back at work and I just can’t get these thoughts out of my head.

And that’s a good first step. I’ve wanted to do it for so long but just never bothered. Joining this forum and contacting CA feels like a leap in itself considering it only takes 5 mins.

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You’ve just described my story

Then let’s go through the story together. I’m struggling super amounts right now but what I’ve discovered through this app is that I’m not the only one. How’s everything been lately Thay?

I’ve been reading this back and forth for days. Right now I have the urge to use and this direct approach you’re talking about is what I am trying to use to direct myself away from the situation.

So true. I have the same issue.

AA seem to do more frequent meetings than CA where I am. Can they both help?

Definitely. I go to AA primarily, but have been to CA. They both work the steps as a suggested program of recovery

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Thanks for explaining mate, I’ll have a look into it as well.

I have just reset the timer again and I’m ashamed of myself

Unfortunately this sounds way too familiar to me…

Feel free to reach out to me if you need any advice, someone to talk to, or any support. And good luck fighting

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So the weekend is coming up and I am hoping that if I just keep my head down I will make through the weekend. I have come to realise that even having one drink.is enough to cascade into calling a dealer. fingers crossed

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Thay, never feel ashamed. I remember when I felt ashamed doing lines at work. Now I use it as a reason to fight against this. The best thing is that you KNOW you shouldn’t have done it. Remember when we both thought doing the amount of cocaine we did was normal? We’ve turned a corner, we’re learning from it. We’re working on it. How are you feeling now?

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Thank you. I’ve retreated to my parents and got a bit drunk and was absolutely dying for a line… Felt so low. I know the answer is to not drink but I’m trying to approach this one battle at a time. How are you approaching this?

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time for a new set of boundaries. Please dont let your boyfriend bring this into your life. Suggest no coke at home and be honest. If he cant… you’ll have to decide… and ride the consequence. set the boundaries first!

There is no shame in being knocked down.

If each time you stand back up and carry on the fight.

It is a fight. Your life is at risk, and everything good in it.

Take a deep breath and get back up. Keep going. So long as the will is there, so long as you never give up, so long as each time you fall you can learn a lesson, then things will get better.

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dont drink. thats how I’m doing it and I’m new at it but I lived the same model for so long I appreciate this is the only way for me

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Honestly, i have to approach it with the notion that I have to quit drinking also. Every time i drink, im dying for a line, then one line turns into a couple grams. It happens damn near every single time. So for now the best best is to give up both.
That low feeling never goes away unless you push it away. I cant keep waking up with an empty bank account, a hangover, another day of missed work and that feeling of being swallowed by the wave of guilt & self hatred…
Maybe down the road i could have a drink and have it not be a problem. But as of right now its unhealthy and hindering my sobriety from cocaine. So i had to ask whats more important? My recovery or having a drink now and then? And when i answered, my recovery was the clear winner.

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Hi all, thank you for all your messages, I have read them over a few times and it’s awesome to see people that care. I haven’t been as as active on here as I should have been and in the meantime I have relapsed twice, I’m on a comedown as I write this. I decided if it happened again that I’m going to try therapy, has this worked for anyone?