Finally Admitting the Problem

I finally admitted to myself three days ago that I had a problem.

I was diagnosed with ADHD in fourth grade and took Adderall every day until I finished high school. I stopped taking it because I hated the idea that I couldn’t be “normal” without it and just wanted to be myself.

In my first semester of college, my roommate introduced me to cannabis for the first time. I loved it because it helped calm my ADHD brain, it’s a plant so it felt natural, and everything I read said it wasn’t addictive.

Over the next 8 years I quickly became a regular user and started smoking every day throughout the day. It made me apathetic, and gave me an excuse to forget about life’s problems. I soon realized I couldn’t sleep or eat without it, but I didn’t care and kept using it.

In 2017, I met the love of my life, and smoking around him gave him migraines so I stopped. But I soon found ways to start using cannabis again when he wasn’t around. At the end of 2018, our relationship turned sour due to financial stress and poor communication and dishonesty. We broke things off and I soon went back to smoking every day throughout the day, working a retail job just to get by.

Fast forward to 2020. The pandemic started, and he became unemployed. He reached out to me, to see how I was doing and to say he missed me. We decided to try again, and he told me he got his medical card so he could use cannabis to treat his seizures, insomnia, and anxiety.

We switched to vaping together and it was great at first. But I soon realized, though the help of my therapist, that cannabis was doing me more harm than good. I told my partner I wanted to stop using it and he supported me all the way. I also decided to look for a new career outside of retail, and I learned I would have to take a drug test to get the job.

I stopped smoking for about 2 weeks, but before I knew it I was using again. It was so easy to give myself excuses, and so easy to use his vape pen without him knowing.

A few weeks later (this week), I decided to stop again. I realized I couldn’t be a good partner and I didn’t have control over my life. And I needed to pass the drug test. He immediately noticed me acting differently because I had more energy and I was angry and wouldn’t eat. After two days, I told him the truth, that I had started using again and had just quit again two days earlier.

Long story short, cannabis controlled my life for 8 years. It made me apathetic, allowed me to be okay barely paying rent and making minimum wage at a retail job even though I have a four year degree and could be making a lot more. It sucked me in, made me someone I didn’t recognize, made me dishonest. Sure it relaxed me, made me feel good, took away my anxiety. But it took control of my life.

As of 9/09, I have made the decision to stop using cannabis for good. I started taking Adderall for my ADHD again so I can be more productive during the day. I’m taking my life back, and so far, I feel better than ever. My partner has stuck by my side, for which I feel so incredibly lucky. I finally admitted to myself and to the people in my life that I had a drug problem. On 9/10 I turned 26 years old, and I’m ready to start living my life again. And there’s so much left to live.

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I have ADHD, but had different meds. I always felt as if I was trapped by them. The energetic me was being killed off in a way. Apparently with the right dose, which is different for everyone, it helps with the ADHD struggles without changing your character, but I function sufficient without it. I hope the Adderall works for you and I’m happy that you decided to leave your smoking days behind :smiley:

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Marketing whores…
You do have a splendid way with your words :rofl:

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Welcome and thanks for sharing your story! It sounds like you have a lot going for you and a lot of good reasons to stay sober.

This is a great place to be for support and advice :+1:

Thanks for the support and kind words everyone. Really glad I found this safe space. :slight_smile:

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