I know a lot of great sponsors. Yes, it’s unpaid and time consuming but I wouldn’t agree that it’s emotionally draining. People do it because they feel they want to give back what was so freely given to them, besides the fact that it helps keep the sponsor sober.
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i’m not saying either way is better, but it just seems to me that the Sponsee would be doing the asking.
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my home group discusses AA recovery as both mental and physical. I’ve never heard of one without the other.
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Some meetings think of mental illness as outside issues and ask you to keep your share specifically to how alcohol is affecting you. Or theres the horrid “you arent sober if youre on medication”. These are worst cases but i just found the dual recovery meetings to be a safe space if aa isnt addressing the mental issue
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You’ve got it all wrong. I picked my sponsor just based on her shares plus a good vibe that I got from her. She’s taken me through the 12th steps and I miss her when I don’t see her. We agreed on a one hour once a week meeting until we got through the Steps. There was no cause for her to be all up in my life. I love the fact that she’s got 22 years in recovery and has so much to offer.
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[quote=“Englishd, post:14, topic:166359”]
Therapy is very difficult to get into and maintain.
It took me three months after I got out of rehab to get an appointment with the therapist I wanted who specialized in EMDR. I picked three subjects that haunted me, caused PTSD, and caused so much depression & anxiety and drinking. We worked through them until I could deal with it and not be bothered by it. I’m so thankful for the freedom from the mental anguish and the alcohol!
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I started with my sponsor after being in AA for a bit. I still go to meetings almost daily and surround myself with sober people who have what I want. Jada, I know many AA’ers who struggle with BPD as well. They really go hand and hand, it seems. I just wanted to offer up encouragement as you are continuing to navigate this sober journey. Please don’t give up on AA. I’d google “BPD and AA” and see what results you get. I would be shocked if there wasn’t specific groups focused on that dual diagnosis. You are so courageous. Keep fighting one day at a time.
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@ducksauce88
Sobriety is for most of us here a serious matter. It was life and death for Derek. Asking questions is great, but please respect all replies.
@Englishd You know very well that sober curious / early in sobriety people have a lot of (mistaken) preconceptions. Patience and understanding go further than your reaction here.
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Had my sponsor for 25 years sadly he passed away , ive been sponsoring for over 35 years now most off my guys are my friends now im just a guide to take them through the 12 steps
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The thing about sponsoring is that it helps the sponsor stay sober as well. Every time I work with a sponsee I strengthen my sobriety. So I might not get paid but I definitely get a reward
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Good to see you back, friend.
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To be a sponser is both an honor and a privilege and as with all walks of life some will be better than others. I’ve sponsored people and I pray to God they never sponsor someone else as they will do more harm than good. A good sponsor will stick to the facts passed down to them and the answers to the questions that are written in the big book. When a sponsor starts dishing out opinions that’s when the trouble starts. But for me and many others it’s the next step in our own recovery, I’ve wanted a drink and the only reason I didn’t is bc I couldn’t help someone else if I took that drink. Also personally I feel its my duty to pass on to others what has been freely given to me. You gotta give it all away if you want to keep it.
My sponsor was not there for me 100% of the time I wanted him but he sponsored other people, had a family and a job. It would be unreasonable of me to expect any different and over inflate my own self importance but what he did offer me was all the tools I needed if I was ever in danger. Meetings, a support network, reading material, praying and a program that as long as I worked it was going to keep me sober for at least one more day.
I’m not answering any questions I just thought this was a good thread to write what I was thinking.
The only advice I would give anyone who is thinking about getting a sponsor is… You are the one who asked for help so you should be the one doing the work, I can suggest to you what was suggested to myself and I wanted sobriety so badly I did exactly what I was told bc I had proof that it worked on others.
Sorry I could talk all night about recovery,I love it.
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Thank you everyone so much for the clarification of what a sponsor really is. I thought a sposnor was someone you could reach 24 hours a day and talk about all your problems with. Now i know these volunteers that are just there for the 12 steps. It makes so much more sense now. I wish i could get dual treatment but i cant afford it so im gonna keep self educating.
A sponsor may not be there 24/7, but collectively the fellowship of AA as a whole will be there 24/7 to talk about things with. My sponsor would always have me reach out to other people in the program on my rough days. Someone would always answer if I called enough people.
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I looked more into AA and its just not for me. I dont want to have to pray to a high power to get help plus i am an extreme introvert so sitting in a meeting, surrounded by other people, is like pure hell for me. I found this method called the sinclair method that i am gonna try.
Is it better or worse than being in active addiction?
It would cause things to be worse for me honestly. I dont have a social life because i am so introverted.
Then def try alternative methods. Sinclair method might not be your best though unless you’re doing it under medical supervision
I probably wont be able to the sinclair method. Insurance may not cover it and if it doesn’t i cant afford it.
Remember there is online. You can keep your camera off (even doing that I was literally shaking the first time I shared, and that was after months of listening) and you can search for atheist, woman only, etc groups.
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