84 days sober today and really proud of that. Need your advice…
I’m writing as I just don’t feel like the same person around drinking friends anymore and it seems dinner parties are some of the hardest environments to navigate now. I have no urge to drink alcohol but I also have no real interest in staying very long as I watch people around me soak up their drink. It’s really boring, I feel awful for feeling that and I’m so tired of explaining why I’m not drinking anymore or what the perceived improvements to my life are and then listening to their drinking stories.
Any advice would be welcome, not sure how to still be myself or where that is now, this just feels quite lonely and not particularly comfortable.
When we become sober the old environment looses attraction. A very simple answer is: Stay away from people and settings you are not comfortable with. Wanna go to the dinner party? Stay for an hour and leave when people become tipsy. Engage in activities that don’t involve drinking. You don’t have to explain anything, NO is a full sentence.
There are plenty of threads here where people share similar experiences as you describe.
By the way: drunk people are boring when you’re sober. Your feeling is right and you are allowed to feel everything you feel!
Drunk people are very boring when you’re sober. Have a brain storm about what things you might like to try instead. You could join a club, you have extra money and time now to spend in interesting ways. If you can’t think of anything you’d like to try, then maybe look up volunteering opportunities, or try something that you’re not expecting to enjoy. You may be surprised.
Soberiety can take you to some really interesting opportunities, for example I just ended up doing a completely free water rescue course so that I can help with River sampling for conservation projects, it was a great bunch of people and I’ll be working with them on adhoc days throughout the next year.
Thank you so much for the link, it really helped to read those entries. I think I’ve learned that I’m in the process of letting go mentally now I have physically and part of that is about discovering new people and interests. I’m been fearful of letting people go and worried about being judged for it I think. There is so much to process, sometimes that can feel quite overwhelming. Little steps.
Hello and thank you so much for this. It means a lot. I’m doing really well, 9 months sober now. I take each day at a tome and am not tempted to order alcohol when out or buy to take home at all. I feel a thousand times more present and am so grateful to have made it this far. What is tricky is the amount of dreams I am having about drinking red wine again, they are so real!! And I am beginning to mentally unpick all the reasons I started to stop, thinking I wasn’t that bad and surely I can moderate now and join all my drinking buddies again, though I feel that’s probably a lie. So feel a bit between a rock and a hard place and need some help with that please
Hello Mel great to see you’re doing so well and congratulations on your 9 months sober. That means we’re sober twins almost as my 9 months milestone shows up tomorrow
I’m sorry to hear about your drinking dreams feel so real. I’m glad not to have those but I know a lot of us have them. Addiction is such a sneaky disease and it’s your addiction brain telling you you might be cured and could drink “normally” now.
No Mel, it’s not probably a lie! It is DEFINITELY a LIE!!!
Please read along those threads here. You will learn about so many who tried to go back to social drinking and it NEVER EVER worked well. So please don’t try it yourself.
Maybe it is time to dig some deeper into your work for sobriety at this point?
For me checking in and reading here works great. It is so helpful and encouraging reading about people’s journeys into a sober life.
I recommend reading quit lit too. “This naked mind” by Annie Grace I recommend the most. It was really an eye opener to me.
Have you considered joining a meeting? It’s not for me but I know a lot of people here called it life changing for themselves.
Hope you’ll find your way to living your life to the fullest without even thinking of alcohol being involved in it.
Have a wonderful sober Sunday. Looking forward to see you here again
Happy feet congratulations to you too!! We ARE twins and that’s bringing me strength, I hope it does for you too. I feel better now, just woke up very thinky and wondering about whether I could have a drink again. I decided to find a somatic yoga session on Youtube and did that. I’m keen to get fit and to sort my lower back out. It’s small things like this, that you do for yourself that actually mean a lot I find. Hope you are doing the same. I have read about 7 books so far including the one you mentioned. The most recent one was ‘Girl Walked Into a Bar’. Ok, ‘This Naked Life’, still my favourite. Keep checking in and keep strong, let me know if you have any bumps too.
Thank you Mel. I’m doing well so far. No intention to drink at all but still a very low level of energy. It’s a mental thing I guess. Feeling stuck a bit. Hope this will pass soon.
One day at a time
Thanks for the update and congratulations on 9 months!
The sneaky addictive voice in our brains tries everything to get us back into addiction. Take that dreams and hit a pillow as hard as you can until you made clear the creeper can fuck right off. Nope, you can’t moderate, rejoining old drinki g buddies is the straight way to relapse and no, alcoholism is a chronic desease that can’t be cured. The only way to stop the damage is abstaining. For living a good life recovery work and keeping up your guard is core.
Don’t worry, it’s normal such thoughts /dreams creep in. It’s a sign that something inside you needs your attention. Have you asked yourself honestly what it is? Maybe missing some social connection? Needing rest? Feeling overwhelmed? Craving fresh input into daily life? No answers needed, just some suggestions to root for the cause of the feelings.
Keep going and STAY SOBER nightmares suck.
Thankyou @erntedank much appreciated. Love your straight talking, I needed that. I have reached out to a friend of a friend that is in AA to attend a meeting as curious and need to meet some other sober kids. I am worried they will all have really sad depressing as fuck stories and I’ll convince myself I’m an angel compared to that shit, but I won’t know until I try. I also need to get a life and find stuff and people to hang out with that don’t only want to guzzle alcohol, which is all I have at the moment, so am avoiding them and now a bit lost for it! I’m sure this is very normal. Anyway, massive thanks for your tour support and swearing, breath of fresh air.
Sounds like a solid plan
Keep going and stay curious. There are so many nice people and interesting activities out there. And I’m sure AA meetings are not a depressive club of fucked up people with horrorstories Just people, sober people who want to share and stay sober
nightmares suck.
