Well I decided to go talk to a counselor and get advice/input/tools/help/etc about laying off the sauce. After all sobriety is not just about quitting the alcohol right? So I am thinking this counseling session did not go very well at all. Her first question after reading the intake was why are you here, counseling or medication, I am not sure how you ended up with me? I said well you are who I was schedule with so I don’t know the answer to that question but to answer you other question I am here for support in quitting drinking. She went down this laundry list of questions that I am sure she has to ask and I was answering them all best I could, which were mainly no, no no, no, no, no and she was just looking at me with deer in the headlights face. I don’t have anxiety (except when its beer thirty… time to drink). She kept on and on and on and on as if she was looking for something to slap on me with a label if that makes sense. Then she asked me if I was drunk and that’s when the little Texas girl came out and I may have been a tad overractive but it really pissed me off because I have not had a drink a week and I am pretty flipping happy about that. Sooooo I went off and was like listen, I don’t think you have to have a rock bottom to want help, you don’t have to be a brown bag under the bridge boozer to want help, your life doesn’t have to all jacked up to want help. I have made HUGE strides in dealing with drinking and letting go of toxic people and habits over this past year. I’ve gone from drinking 15+ beer a day to 4. I’ve lost 35 pounds, I run, I exercise, I watch what I put in my mouth, I make time for myself now, I meditate and I am really fucking trying here. My life is going pretty good right now which is why I thought it would be the perfect time to try and go totally alcohol free. Why I drink now is not why I was drinking 10 years ago. Kids are all grown and out of the house and doing good, marriage is good, job is good, its all coming full circle (except the booze) This lady was like well does anything bother you at all? Do you have any friends? Who do you talk to? Do you realize you have facial ticks? It seems like you have a personality disorder. So at this point I am ready to just walk out before I really go bless your heart on her but I tell her yes I do have friends some of which I have had to back away from because they have a lot of drama and that causes me stress which makes me want to drink. She says well arn’t you a good friend. SO now I am like WTF and I just shut up. She said she wanted to put me on something for the cravings I get in the evenings and that she would schedule me with a different counselor.
Yall come on, please tell me it’s not suppose to be like this. I was ready to run to the closest bar after this shit show but I didn’t. I did however cave at beer thirty and had 3 rum and cokes. I am dissapointed in myself that I let her have that effect on me because I have tried really hard this past year to not let the negative in.