Today is my son’s 9th birthday and I’m thinking about how much easier getting thru his birthday party in about an hour would be of I just had one pill to take the edge off. Its shameful to say the least. 8 days and I hadn’t had a real urge up until a few minutes ago bc I’ve never done a birthday sober. Never was flying high but definitely was medicated! So far it’s the only thing I can think about. Somehow I’ve managed to get out of bed, get everything ready and now that we are about to leave I’m stuck in the bathroom feeling sick. Omg this sucks so bad. Not the part that I can’t use bc I know I will die if I put another pill in my mouth but the part where I’m sitting here feeling this way on my kids birthday?! This is not right!
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Taking a pill solves nothing. Just take deep breaths and prepare for his party or distract yourself. You can get through this. Just take it one second at a time.
I realized that if I want to stay sober, I need to remind myself why I got sober in the first place. I could think of 1,000s of reasons for me to do a drug or take a drink. I decided that that’s not the life I want to live anymore. Reminding myself why I stopped helps me deal with cravings and urges.
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First crave in 8 days? Wow!
It won’t be the last. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
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Well an update to keep my bored mind off drugs. So I got thru the party. It was almost unbearable but my son had blast. While I didn’t use any opiates…today is day 9 clean…I did have two glasses of wine with my MIL when we got back to the house. I didn’t feel like drinking the whole bottle or using drugs again but today I dont feel as well physically as I have even on day 1-2 of opiate withdrawal. It’s like the next decisions after that weren’t the best. I ate McDonald’s which I never do and it just made me feel guilty. Today I’m feeling guilty. I can’t remember the last time i even had alcohol before yesterday, probably over a year, not bc I mentally made a note of abstaining I just dont care for it. But I cared enough yesterday to drink two glasses. Slippery slope indeed.
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