Hi I was just hoping to get some advice from you guys. I’m coming up on 6 months sober and I’m about to go on my first date since getting clean. I feel like I can be myself and my confidence is much better. I’ve matured in these last few months. I don’t know how to explain my past or if I should even do it on the first date when the drinking thing comes up. It inevitably will as drinking is the staple of my country’s culture. Thanks in advance, James.
I wouldn’t give her the details right away; suffice to say “I don’t drink anymore”… or it ran it’s course in my life, lol. Good luck and enjoy!
James, don’t get hung up over this. You don’t drink.
At this moment in time that’s all your date needs to know.
Be confident, and just say it.
Not everyone drinks, it might be unusual but not unheard of. And I bet if you really looked at it the only reason we think that everyone drinks is because that is the environment we have spent our lives mixing in.
If we had chosen not to drink then our circle of friends would more than likely be different.
Wow; what a good point Geo; I’ve never thought of it that way.
Good good post and advice
You tell whomever you date what your comfortable with. Only 6 months sober just enjoy dating but don’t get too serious too fast. Your still working on you not an us. I myself would be proud and shout it from the rooftops. Lol
I find myself telling people at checkout lines while shopping or doctor appointments that don’t even have anything to do with my sobriety. Have fun on your date and best of luck.
Dude, just be yourself. I found it hard at first as well but once I realized she already liked me, I was able to become more relaxed. Just be cool, calm and collective. Be aware of your surroundings and when Alcohol ever comes up, just say, “I don’t drink.” Say it with a Natural Confidence.
If she asks why and is persistent on knowing why you don’t drink, then just say “Because I act like a total fucking fool.” (That’s what I say LOL). I doubt it’ll go that way but some women can be annoying like that -.-. Dude, most important of em all though, Enjoy yourself man! You deserve this but keep it real and remember where you came from.
Ahhh your so sweet ,I get your comment about jumping into a relationship to quick,I did this over a 3 month period I put all my hopes and dreams into him as I felt I had nothing worth given myself I hid my using from him and didn’t tell him that I was also on methadone.in the end I found out he was also lieing about things as well when it ended which of course it was going to I went on the biggest binge of my life and fortunately for me I ended up here.goid advice as before you can love yourself how the hell will you know how to love something else.xxbig respect.xx
Thanks for the advice guys I appreciate it I met her and we’ve been meeting for 3 days in a row now. She’s lovely and amazingly she doesn’t drink. Was not expecting that. However I’ve realized I am not ready and I need to work on myself. I feel it puts my recovery at risk. My mind has wandered to dangerous places in a short space of time. Thank you all again!
Man, you have good insight. Most people won’t think about how dating could affect their lives in early recovery, other than people tell them not to do it. Always put yourself before anything else! Good job on listening to your instincts!
ask him/her out for coffee and if it gets brought up tell them with confidence that you’re sober. thats at least what i do and so far i’ve not had any judgmental or turned-off dates
I’d like to add also, even if you’ve decided not to get in to a relationship yet, and for anyone else thinking about it… Some people aren’t in touch with their alcohol status or alcoholism or awareness of how much they drink. There are a lot of alcohol dependant people out there (none self diagnosed folks), Or culturally alcohol based people in the world who ‘like a drink’. Before I decided on this path I wouldn’t have dated someone who doesn’t drink because I wouldn’t have found them fun… So within the first few dates, maybe you want to know how dependent ‘they’ are on booze… If there is one thing that will drag you back in, that would!!! If you’re on a site… Put that right out there!!! . I would put it out there on the first date!!! … Right away!!! … Love, lust, infatuation… All of that stuff… I can’t actually think of a bigger hook… I could almost go so far as to say, you’re guaranteed to fall off the wagon is you find a gorgeous person who pushes all your buttons and drinks… I’m literally feeling this as I write it… Its not even a trigger or a hook… Its the drink gods possessing you with all their might to drink again… Or whatever addict you may be… If they ARE what you once were… Good Fuckin luck!!!