A weekend that was supposed to be a controlled party without a hangover turned into mixing four types of benzos, endless liquor and oxycontin to top it off. I woke up without the resolve I normally have to brush it off. I wanted to die. I dropped the ball with work and others suffered for it. I have been sick for days and at 31 am admitting I have no control. I am crying uncontrollably as I write this. I don’t want to die and I’m so scared. I went to my first meeting last night and cried as they gave me a 24 hour coin. I’m listening to Russell Brands audio book on recovery and going to another meeting tonight. Thanks for listening. I want to stop being a selfish jerk and learn to be a part of community.
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sounds like you’re really getting involved in your recovery and that’s awesome. and way to go on 48 hours, that’s huge! look around on the forum lots of great stuff here, and keep us updated how you’re getting along. welcome! 
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Thanks so much for replying. I look forward to getting healthy enough to help others, although I’m a flopping mess in the mean time 
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well i’ve yet to meet anyone who rides into sobriety on the winds of victory haha. most of us are a flopping mess early on. but with work and time things will likely fall into place and you’ll feel improved
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Welcome. I’m happy you are here, and pray you will stay with us and share your journey, and share in ours too.
Joining this forum, going to meetings, and filling your mind with recovery-related stuff is a great start. Admitting that you have an addiction is fundamental.
So the only things you need are time and strength. Keep doing what you are doing to get better, and you will get better.
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It’s scary at the bottom. You’re fighting for your life back. What you’re doing right now is fantastic and is orienting you in the right direction. Many people stop short of taking decisive action, or neglect to maintain it, and end up in trouble again, so it’s good to see that you’re walking the walk. Keep it up. Looking forward to seeing you around more.
As far as getting healthy enough to help others, you’d be surprised at all the different forms that can take. Even just sharing what’s going on for you and what you’re learning helps us relate, share in the lessons you’ve learned, remind ourselves of things we haven’t thought about in a while. It also just feels great seeing people grow and make progress.
Hope you start feeling better soon, the first week is rough. But in a way, such a relief, eh? The tough parts of sobriety are still a lot better than what my life was like when I was drinking.
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