For the first time

Tonight i sat down to actually write my recovery stort down. sign I didnt get into it very far. I got to the point where o was going to write why i started using on the first place. But up to this point i had blamed one of my ex boyfriend and his brother for using. But now i dont think that was the reason. My anxiety is so high right now. Im not sure why i started using now. Is ot even important at 11 months why I started?

I think it’s important for our recovery to try to understand the why so that we know what we can do to fix it. I think a lot of people go months or even years without understanding the why.

I also think that without a clear understanding of the why, one would increase the risk of relapse.

My why is that I am a very insecure individual. I can get it in my head that I am not of value and I isolate. I then seek meaningless relationships to validate my existence and behavior (i.e. drinking buddies). The reason I am insecure is because of my childhood. And so I am working on the root cause to overcome the why; so that I can create meaningful connections.

I wish you well in your journey.

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