For the single, without children, no alcohol, no sugar types

For the single, without children, no alcohol, no sugar types.

-What motivates you?
-What do you do for fun?
-Where do you go to be social that mimics a bar or restaurant type social atmosphere?

I feel like I’ve seen everything on Netflix and I finished the Internet last night.

I like going to bars because I like being around people and the laid back social interactions. I still sit at the bar at restaurants for the same reasons. It’s just tough on some days when I want to be around people, but I know that on a given day I might be more vulnerable to cheat on my sobriety.

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I have become content with where I am at life. I wish I had magical words. I have simply accepted this is the path my life has taken, and I take solace in that.

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I wonder if another group activity like an exercise group, book club, cooking class, volunteer organization etc would be a good fit for you? Some social activities with an alcohol free focus?

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When I was single and childless I was really active in the AA crowd. We used to go to sporting events, camping trips, conventions, dinners, poker, game night and all sorts of other stuff. It was a blast. But like @Thirdmonkey I am now very content with where I’m at.

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Video gaming, Working, Biking on peddle bike and motorcycle.

I want kids, But I cant have someone in my life thats going to drink or do drugs. I cant have that in my life, I need someone sober in my life too. And for that reason alone, I think it will be a long time if at all until I will find somebody. But I am 22, so life is still young.

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I joined a local adventure hiking/camping group that I found on Meetup.com. There is literally almost something new to do every day, I can choose to join an outing and be around a bunch of people talking and enjoying the hike or camping activity all while not engaging in the same activities I used to when I drank. I don’t want to experience similar activities as I did before, just without alcohol, because the potential to be triggered or tempted to drink in those situations is too great. I learned quickly that in order to stay sober, one must change their play places, play mates, and play things.

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I’m married and have kids, I don’t do sugar and have been sober over a year.

When I’m not being dad or husband I do hobby work, lately my interest has been in car audio and fabrication for it, auto work and even starting to try autobody work (I’ve got an old car that is a spare to learn on).I’ve been fiberglassing, bondoing and turning wrenches. Fills a lot of spare time.

Do you have hobbies? Like really getting into something? I could watch techniques, and product videos all day.

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Oh I’m one of those!!! Hmmm…for me it’s been a decent amount about shifting my idea of down time to stuff that actually relaxes me. I hadn’t realized that a lot of my weekly work life left me feeling like I had to “blow off steam” by partying at the end of the week. Said steam blowing would lead me to feeling hella hungover by Monday…which would make me feel overwhelmed and like I had to blow off steam by the end of the next week (oh what a vicious cycle) I spend a lot of time cooking, hiking with my two dogs, camping, reading awesome books at coffee shops to around people, cooking food, taking yoga workshops,spending money on way to many massages and actually getting shit done around my house. It’s been a shift for sure…but I feel like I can actually fully engage in my life now, where before I was just surviving. I’ll take myself out to a nice dinner when I feel like being around people and make good conversation with whoever I meet. What interests do you have?

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I too am a Dad. Oldest is 30, and a husband himself, so I get to Dad both he and his bride, but I give them all the space they want.

Youngest is a young lady, 12. I’m still learning how to read her moods, if that’s possible, press in when she needs it, hold off when she doesn’t.

But I have always been a busy guy, even when I was still drinking. I served on citizens oversight boards and commissions for my city. Nothing sexy, just the museum system and capital improvements like roads and such. Been active in ministry at my church for a dozen years. Been mentoring 2 fatherless young men for a number of years, too.Have always had a service-oriented mindset. “Someone has to do it, might as well be me”.

What changed when I quit drinking was I took the time I used to spend drinking, and invested it into me, rather than pick up another chance to serve. Martial Arts training and classes. Studying for professional licenses I need in order to launch my “twilight career” in financial planning and wealth management. Sure beats drinking a bottle or two of wine, or a dozen beers in front of the TV, and passing out.

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I live in NYC and I try to get the most I can out of this great city. I walk to parks all over the city, all the time. I go to Lincoln Center and watch the Ballet weekly, I’ve become a big modern dance fan and follow dance companies from all over the world when they come into town. I see broadway and off broadway plays on a weekly basis. I have the privilege of seeing some of the best actors and actresses in the world. Probably as close as I get to what I call a religious experience is watching beautifully written plays, performed by great actors in front of audiences who are so appreciative of the talent and passion and intensity of live theater.

I read and am in a great book club with good friends. I go to dinner with friends whenever we can coordinate our schedules.

I work a lot in an intense job and I treasure my alone times at home when I can put the blues on the radio and decompress.

This is me at 49 and four years and five months sober. A far cry from what I was and what my life was like when I was boozing, partying, hooking up with randoms and waking up reeling with regret. Pretending I was 25 at 45.

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I’m some kind of lone wolf, always have been. It’s okay for me to socialize from time to time, but I need my alone time :smiley:
My health is my motivation. Living life sober with a clear mind is the best that could happen to me.
Yes I feel alone from time to time but that passes.

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I’ve definitely been in that cycle of worrying for the weekend. The last time I took a long break from alcohol I noticed that I eventually started to look forward to going home and cooking. I once had a couple places where “everybody knows your name”, and they are always glad you came lol. I don’t miss the drink, but I am really missing the comradery.

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I want your life!! LOL

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All good stuff, thank you!

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That’s great to hear…it sounds like you have a mental adjustment period to healthy life, but that you are able to adjust once you start feeling better. Perhaps it would help to dive a little deeper into that feeling. Is it just having bodies around you? Could you go to a cafe and have some coffee and read? Do you like the joking and stories etc? Could you call up a few close friends for dinner or bowling etc? Is it for deep conversation? Maybe you could make a weekly hiking appointment with one friend who’s outlook you enjoy? Or is it the possibility of meeting someone to date? What if you tried dating yourself for a little bit until you had some more sobriety under your belt? Take yourself to the movies, treat yourself to a steak and massage. Give some much needed pampering to the mind and body that were largely ignored during active addiction. Being aware of your craving for camaraderie sounds like a great awakening to me, and there’s tons of ways to fill that that don’t involve maladaptive behaviors like boozing, sometimes it just takes listening a little closer to the craving to get to the root of the issue. Too bad we can’t all teleport and hang out together. That’d be sooooooo rad.:slight_smile:

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I think I know what you mean. There was a time when I’d walk in to old haunts and everyone would actually yell out my name. We’d shoot the shit for hours, over a span of years. I felt a sense of community there that was separate and apart from my work friends and school friends.

But I know I’ve made it warmer and prettier in my memories than it was in reality. The reality was that we were slamming ourselves into oblivion nightly. And there were way too many funerals for some of those old bar buds.

Since becoming sober, I’ve come to dislike being in bars. I’ve gone to old favorites and was amazed to see that many of the same folks seemed to be sitting right where I left them years ago. It didn’t feel good anymore for me though. It seemed sad. And I felt embarrassed thinking of my old self and the asshole things I used to do.

That being said, for me there was a warm and relaxed sense of community in dive bars, where people from all walks of life could walk in and casually become part of the party for the night.

As I walk by my old favorite bars now on my way to other places, I am not tempted to go in. But I do have to remind myself to look back at it all clearly and without the hazy, boozy nostalgia that kept me going back there for so many years.

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Im single, live alone and on my sober journey. I go swimming, i read and im part of a book club and im looking to join yoga (i enjoy spiritual and holistic things). I take nice long baths with relaxing music. I go for nice walks in the fresh air. Still go for food i just choose none alcoholic drinks and i drive which also means less money spent and home safe! Social wise i dont have alot of friends so i have started doing alot for myself and going to new groups that arent bars etc to meet new people :slight_smile:

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That’s such a good point about the nostalgia. Sometimes I feel lonely because I don’t go out like that any more. But really I know that if anything I was more lonely before. Lots of people knowing your name isn’t the same as having real connections with people.

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Hey! @Aaron0 …wanted to check in to see how you’re doing, especially since it’s the witching weekend hours👹 how’s it hanging?

Hey @ELY83! Doing well thank you for asking. A little bored right now but looking forward to hanging out with family and watching football tomorrow. How is your night going?