Forgiving myself about the past

Hi everyone, I will start by saying I am so grateful to have found you all! 18 days sober from alcohol and really starting to feel horrendous waves of guilt over past mistakes, poor decisions & how these have affected so many things in my life but mostly my children, 2 of whom are now adults one age just 8. I suppose what I am asking is how do you overcome this guilt and wishing I could have the time over again and do things differently (ie sober) I’ve spent a lot of the past 18 days crying over the poor decisions I’ve made and what this has led to. Has anyone, anywhere gone through this phase in their own sober journey? Thanks for reading my post :v::pray:

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I think we all go through it. I am not sure if you have a program. Most, if not all, have a process through which to address this. AA has the steps, Recovery Dharma has Inquiries, SMART has a CBT/Scientific approach.

I’d encourage you to try some of these programs and see what might fit. I also recommend compassion and forgiveness meditations. You can start with short meditations on Insight Timer. There is a fairly expansive free version. Spending time on guilt doesn’t allow you to make the most of the here and now. You can read The Present. It’s a short little read with a great message. The only thing you can control is this moment. You can make amends for the past, but you cannot change it.

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I went through the same thing but with the help of AA, I’ve been able to make amends with them and myself.

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@Fargesia_murielae thank you so much for you help, it’s very kind of you :pray:

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even if you don’t think AA is for you maybe find someone who will work you through the 12 steps. Recovery is not just not doing our drug of choice it’s about our own mental growth. It’s possible to heal ourselves and if we are lucky heal a few others along the way.

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Hi guys first time on anything like this, so don’t know I’m posting this right haha. I’ve been alcohol free for two years and drug free for 3 days but would like to apologize to people to god and to my family as I was a destructive drunk who behaved badly. Ive always struggled with my temper and the drink amplified it. I also used drugs which I’m battling now and feeling good about finally accepting what a bad person I was. NEW YEAR NEW ME

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Thank you I’m not the best with technology so I think I’m replying to you. How do I ad my pic so people know who they’re talking to thanks for your assistance. *Edit I’ve found out how

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I just posted something similar a few days ago . I’m day 12 today and I felt the exact same way . I didn’t realize that it was a “step” in recovery and “normal” as I’ve never dealt with recovery in a very serious manner . I got some awesome advice . Along with my guilt I felt such a deep shame and embarrassment. I’ve just been telling myself over and over that what’s done is done … that is no longer who I am and I can’t change the past but I can change the future . Congrats on your sobriety. You’ve got this … just keep moving forward :heart:

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Well done my friend, blessed

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I didn’t say it was saying sorry. It’s normal to feel these feelings . Who wouldn’t.

The traditional dictionary definition of making amends is to “correct a mistake that one has made or a bad situation one has caused.

That’s why I said I can change the future :slight_smile: A sorry won’t change the future … my actions will .

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@Torhar thank you for your reply and well done you too, I for one am very proud of us! :v::heart:

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I struggled with intense feelings of guilt and shame for a long time. They finally started to abate when i started thinking and caring for others as much or sometimes more than i do of myself. When we focus on only our own pain, our own suffering, it is easy to get caught up in a lifestyle of addiction. When i started trying to be of service to others and actually doing some good for people besides myself, I actually WAS doing something good for myself in the process. And one day i realized that i wasn’t the same person that used to be so selfish and hurtful and absorbed in my own suffering.

Dont get me wrong - it is pretty normal to try to tend to one’s own pain. But if you could commit to becoming the person that YOU want to be, and forgive yourself for your past mistakes, you will find that you will feel less guilty with time. You dont have to be the person that you were - you can be whomever you want tobe.

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Accept that I cannot get that time back. But I can resolve to not waste another moment, today.

Pain for misplaced time is a big motivator for me to stay focused on the present moment. A lesson hard learned. Every day sober and spent well with others is a day I never have to lose again and something to be grateful for.

With time, this is enough and all I can really do after all.

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There’s mention of 12 step programs, and indeed I do this as well. Recovery programs are an excellent way to work through those kinds of guilts and fears, one step at a time, to overcome our past and make the most of a new, sober life.

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Couldn’t have said it better!

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Wow! @Eke thank you so much for taking time out of your day to help me. It actually made me tear up because it resonated with me so much​:v::purple_heart:

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