There was a lot of talk today in my AA meeting about relationships. Everyone spoke about forming fast friendships with other members of the group fairly shortly after coming sober. Granted, I’m only 10 days clean, but as of now I can’t fathom the possibility.
I’m sure many of you will agree (alcoholics, that is) that when we’re under the control of alcohol, we find it damn near impossible to trust someone that doesn’t drink, let alone become good friends.
My question, is it odd that I still kinda feel this way?
or more accurately: I can’t see how I can ever find anything in common with the other group members (except sobriety). I hung out with people based on whether or not they drank. Now that I don’t drink, I need to find another way to get out there, but it scares the shit out of me. Anyone else get that feeling?
Idk…just some late night musings before I hit the sack. Good night all.
That fear makes 100% sense. I think that’s a normal things for addicts.
I know I personally used to do it.
It’s definitely scary at first but it will get better the more you do it.
I have trouble dating sober. Both my year+ long relationships started by getting hammered with the person as a first date. I can barely get dates as it is. The gay community drinks like nobody’s business as a way to form bonds. Kind of how I’m in this mess.
I used to go to ten pin bowling with my group went swimming and went to gym with some of the guys members and golf days out and hill walking had plenty of things to do and still friends today after all these years
Yea, i get it. When i first started going to AA i was like man, everyone is way older than me. They have known each other for years now. And here i am new and i feel out of place… I totally felt that way at 10 days sober. But the more i went the better things got. And before i knew it i was going out to eat with the group. And went for coffee here and there… And theres a young peoples group on Saturday nights that try to always go do something… My point is, the longer you stick around, the more you will find you do have in common With people. Look for simularities and not at the differences. And never compare yourself to others. Way to go on the 10 days, keep coming back! And rememeber its Just for Today!
My sponsor & I were talking about friendship in AA. She has a wonderful sense of humor and values her sobriety above all else. Here’s what she said to me, “When I first started coming to AA, I told everybody in a meeting, I don’t want any friends! Y’all just stay away from me!” She was only there cuz she didn’t want to drink anymore. Six years later she’s organizing functions for the ladies in the group. We really don’t know what we have in common with each other except for the urgency to stay alive. That in itself can create strong bonds. God bless.
its funny to see that a lot of my friends dont really drink, i never noticed that! I have a couple of close friends that are deep in like me, but most of them stick to sodas, weird I dnt feel so close to my drinking friends anymore when it used to feel we were like sisters/brothers… sad.