Will be an early night here, but spending the last little bit of my Friday watching Top Of The Pops from 1990. Not sure why, but it’s happening!
1 Like
Thanks, my son did get better and I fell asleep two times during the day. I hope I’ll be able to work during the weekend.
1 Like
I put in an adoption application for a dog today. Eek! A big commitment but lots of love
6 Likes
I decided to skip cooking tonight and we’re getting fish and chips. It’s Friday!!!
5 Likes
Awww paws crossed! 
1 Like
Spoiler Alert Too serious of a Goat post for friyay night.
It has been a very stressful and mentally taxing few days here in Goat world and today is just crushing.
Someone told me today that “well I always knew you were not happy, and it just seemed that you complained a lot. I never thought it could be as bad as you made it out to be. I mean no normal person could handle it, they would have stormed out or had repeated mental breakdowns.”
I am only now starting to understand what has happened in my life beyond the veneer and particularly in my relationships with other people. What has become readily apparent is that I was feeding ground for some really personality disordered persons and had no idea that this wasn’t how life really worked. I am able to see now how the emotional abuse has permeated some (ok many) of my relationships that predate sobriety.
It is so mindboggling to see that I let this happen to me and had no idea. Add to it the fear of not knowing where to go or what to do next… while seeing the wreckage for the first time – it really facking just hurts like few things have.
5 Likes
I ran into this today – and it really gets at what’s happening with many of these relationships. He notes that if you are not careful… it can be a violent period. I think the issue I am facing here – that given the people I was involved with, no matter how careful I am, it is bound to be “violent.” For me right now it seems that the narcissistic personality disordered people are what has been put before me at every turn. Some have realized that they were not going to get what they wanted, lashed out and moved on… others the relationship is much more complex and reactions to not getting the reassurance from me of the traditional roles turned into some pretty seriously disturbing incidents that can have some seemingly significant repercussions. it was only as I was able to put all of this into perspective and look at the wreckage as a whole that it set in – how bad and dangerous things were and are currently.
One of the ways in which we are socialized by our caretakers growing up is that they reward us or punish us for our behavior. The result of this is that we grow up looking to others for evaluation of our behavior. Were it only our behavior it would be all right, but often we look to others for an evaluation of ourselves. Am I a good person? Am I a bad person? Do I have a right to exist?
Many of us end up constantly looking into other people’s eyes to find out who we are.
It creates considerable anxiety because other people have their agendas, and their response to us is not coming from a place of clarity. Their response is coming in relation to their own needs. It is not surprising then, that we end up with a considerable amount of attention to interpersonal relations. For most people, it is a very emotionally charged web we live in, and in order to become secure, we attempt to place people and define them in ways that are comfortable for us. So we enter into conspiracies with one another to define each other in very simple and stable and consistent ways.
We build our expectations about who each other is. Often, we become trapped in other people’s expectations about us. We learn how to treat each other in habitual ways, and we develop characteristic ways of behaving with other people. Often you can look at another person as they come down the street and see who they think they are. The way they dress, the way they walk, the way their facial muscles appear. There is an amazing amount of redundancy in telling each other who we think we are, and we enter into a conspiracy with one another that says, “I will make believe you are who you think you are, if you will make believe I am who I think I am.”
The predicament is that if either of us tries to change, the other one punishes them. If you try to grow in a relationship you often find yourself punished for that. But here we are in a retreat focused on growth, and the growth has to do with inner transformation that changes the meaning and the nature of our identity. If you have many layers of identity, but somebody only knows you on one of them, and then you attempt to bring forth another one, it’s often very threatening to another person.
We have to start to see that part of the work of freeing up a relationship has to do with our own mind, and our expectations of each other because even though it is efficient for us to remain the same, it is also very stifling to our growth.
Now it is true that one could be transformed inwardly without changing one’s outer game at all, but it is unlikely that will be able to be done. The process of spiritual awakening changes one’s values about human relationships. As we begin to sense that our own awakening is increasingly significant in our lives, we start to see the world in a very different way.
Similarly with other people, your relationships begin to mean different things, and you begin to look around for what is called “Satsang” or “Sangha.” It refers to being around a community of other people who are sharing the inner journey. Like, you come here and it’s much easier to explore the inner work along with the rest of us. So you begin to look to other people in terms of whether or not they are sharing what is happening to you inside. If you’re not careful it can be a very violent period.
-Ram Dass
3 Likes
Doooo it! 
1 Like
TGIF. I had a busy day of work and then a nice dinner out. 20 years ago I said I do to this man. It’s been amazing and it’s been really bad, but some how we end up meeting back in the middle and making it work. Life’s hard. Relationships are hard. Life’s full of ups and downs but at the end of the day you keep going. Family don’t give up on family. 
My sobriety has a lot to do with me finally understanding this. 
15 Likes
Happy Anniversary to the beautiful couple! 
2 Likes
Thank you Lisa! 
I would now like my award. 
3 Likes
Anyone married 20 years deserves a huge award. Somedays I find it harder than sobriety.
Here you go…
5 Likes
Awe thank you!!! it’s so true!! 
2 Likes
Amazing! Yes, marriage is hard work, so is sobriety. Feels good to have a partner in life through thick and thin, doesn’t it! Very happy for you both.
2 Likes
Thank you Rosa
I missed this when you posted it… But it is exactly what I need to read today, so a belated thank you!
1 Like
Starting my Friday tunes with one of my favorite items in my collection.
In terms of the overall product – packaging, sound quality, appearance…it’s one of my top-shelf records. Tough to find this pressing.
Good way to kick things off. Have a great Friday!
4 Likes
2 Likes
Kicking off my Friday tunes, gearing up for the weekend.
2nd DEVO album. Original 1979 UK press. Good one.
Despite the thin production, it has some of the best Devo tunes…including this one, arguably the top Devo song. Definitely one of their best ones for playing live.
This is from Lollapalooza 1996, and from what I’ve read – Metallica was on after, and most people were just waiting for that. Half those people probably had no idea what the hell they just saw Starts off structured enough, and descends into punk rock chaos with plenty of feedback and electronic noise. So much energy.
I’ve watched this footage more times than I can count. Anyone who is unfamiliar with Devo, this is what I show them.
Good Friday and good weekend to you!
3 Likes
How do we feel about the new underground cassette publishing craze?
1 Like