I haven’t seen my best friend since I’ve decide to become sober. (11days now). I’m super nervous to see her as our relationship is always about drinking wine and getting drunk. I’m feeling like I want to drink already and she isn’t even here yet
How has everyone handled it the first few times seeing people you normally drink with?
Did you tell her you’re no longer drinking? Probably should, and be firm about it. She’s likely coming over with the expectation that it’s going to be hanging out and drinking like usual. You’re setting yourself up for a slip/relapse here. Being up front about it will serve you well and if she’s a solid friend, she’ll support you in it.
Welcome Kayla! I found most people to be very supportive when I told them I no longer drink. Telling them before they come over will benefit you so they don’t have expectations of drinking and they’re not caught off guard by walking in your place with a bottle. True friends will understand.
I told my closest friends exactly what was going on. Those that supported me, stayed in my life. Those that didnt, were not my friends…and were out of my life.
It was different but they knew I quit drinking before we hung out and my best friends were extremely supportive. We found new things to do together, but I did require some extra space at first. Whatever it takes to end my day sober is what I did. Like @Thirdmonkey said, the real ones will stay and the others will weed themselves out. Great job on your 11 days! Stay with it, you’re worthy of a sober life.
I feel the same way about my best friend. Our thing was to go out for margaritas and we always ended up drinking too much and getting drunk. she knows I am getting sober and working on myself and she is supportive but she is still drinking more than she should. I had to distance myself from hanging out with her because I don’t want to be tempted to drink. I feel the same that if I did hang out with her I would be ready to drink before I saw her. I don’t have much advice. I just wanted to let you know you weren’t the only one struggling with this.
Initially when I got clean, I told them via phone call that I wouldnt be around for “awhile” bcuz i was making changes to my life and getting clean. I never said it in person bcuz that would involve me going into their territory where drugs were always present. If they respected that then great. I have been called a quitter for quitting drugs lmao or they turned against me bcuz they immediately thot that I was better than them cuz I wasn’t using. Thru their words and actions I then saw where i stood with them. Eventually i discovered that I didnt have anything in common with them outside of drugs. Our friendship sort of vanished on its own. But honestly tho… I would be very upfront about ur recovery. U will see where u stand with her by what she says. U can always offer to do something else. Go for coffee outside or for a walk or a movie or something. Not alcohol related hope all goes well!
I feel like it’s just super important to be completely honest. I’m a little late on this post I think because most of it is already been said but my experience is with my very best friend (we’ve been friends since we were 5 years old but we don’t see each other as often anymore because we don’t live as close). We went for lunch the other day and in the conversation I told her I was just “trying to cut down” on drinking. Her first response was “But why? you’re fun when you drink.!” At first I felt really upset and then I realized I’m not being honest with her and she has no idea that I’m actually an alcoholic. (Those words are still hard for me to say but at the same time so freeing because it helps me to stay sober knowing that I truly can not ever have one drink ever)
After I was honest with her she was super supportive and felt really bad for her comment and couldn’t believe that she didn’t have any idea that I was struggling so much.
I don’t think I could see my best friend right now. Our nights usually consisted of drinking all night. I know she’s still going to be my friend regardless of drinking but I don’t think she is ready to not drink around me and I am not strong enough to resist the urge to want to drink with her so our relationship is strictly over the phone and texting for now. Maybe you can try that for now? But definitely tell your bestie that you are not drinking anymore.
I found that doing a serious “people detox” was important for me. I deleted all social media, I only communicate with my positive family members, and people who are apart of my recovery team (i.e therapist, recovery coach, etc.) I feel like in the beginning stages of our recovery it is important to really focus on ourselves, our recovery, our personal growth. People can be so triggering, and I feel like having a good foundation in your recovery and within yourself is important before facing those triggers and temptations head on.
However, if you choose to spend time with this friend regardless I do have some tips.
• Make sure you let them know you are in recovery before they are even on their way.
• Set clear and concrete boundaries… For example - No alcohol in the house, people not being intoxicated in your presence, maybe not mentioning drinking stories, etc. Whatever helps you not be uncomfortable or tempted.
• Keep in mind not everyone will be able to join you in this new stage in your life. It is sad, but it is the truth. Pay attention to how much this friend respects you and your recovery. If you find that they lack that respect, prepare to make a tough decision.
Good luck with everything!!
You got so much good advice here already, really awesome. Just gonna chime in and say defo give that girl a warning of what not to expect beforehand or this will get very awkward and a lot of pressure will be on you! “Whaaat, we’re not drinking? C’mon you can’t be serious?! Look I brought wine!”
Communicate that you can’t have it in the house. And won’t be around it for the time being. Then follow through with your own boundaries. then come here and tell us how it went! Hopefully you’ll have a nice chat anyway! Sure it’ll be very different but with time you can find your groove with the ppl who you truly have a connection with. If not, the loss is not that great after all.
Good point here. People really do respond to the honesty. I’m more successful communicating my new sobriety when I am 100% honest. When I use the excuse that I’m just not drinking tonight or cutting back I get much more pushback.
The only advice i can give is DONT do what I did a couple of years back… I was newly experimenting with sobriety, and had a couple of months under the belt at that time … An old friend was coming over to stay for a few nights, we had been big drinkers together in the past, she didn’t know I was sober.
Long story short I decided not to tell her and just to let it go for that weekend and get drunk with her and break the sobriety … What a regret!!! I was so hungover and felt so shit the next day, stinking headache, plus we didn’t even have a good evening when drunk because she got really upset and started crying about how stressful her life was etc!!! I was very lucky that the breaking of soberiety that weekend didn’t just let me straight back down the track of being drunk all the time, it was playing with fire, I realise that now.
Don’t do it, not worth it!!!
You’ve just called her your “best friend”….let me tell you, a best friend will be the MOST supportive of your sober journey. Tell her. Ask her for help. And then pour glasses of sparkling water.
YOU CAN DO IT!!