So I met a friend in rehab, she came in on my last week there. We connected right away- just such a pure genuine heart and lovely person. She is in really bad shape physically- has to receive a new liver, malnourished, and in pain. But even with that she has a heart of gold and caring to others.
When she got out of rehab- a week after me I contacted her we went to a meeting etc. she’s doing iop in a different place then me. But I reached out again to see how things were didn’t hear anything for a week. Found out last Sunday she relapsed that Friday and had relapsed three days after getting out of rehab. I was of course non judgmental and we had a great talk I gave her advice etc. after the phone call I felt so emotionally drained. Knowing that she’s so close to dying and still can’t stop. I didn’t hear from her the next few days so I called Wednesday- she had been at the hospital for five hours, blood alcohol level really high and they couldn’t accept her into rehab until it went down. I told her great job for going back in etc and she said she was going in the next day at 8am. Well I don’t know if she’s there or not. I hope she is but I can’t stop worrying about it.
She has two kids- one that just graduated and another in high school. I’m just heartbroken. I feel like I’m watching her drown and I’ve thrown a life vest out, a floaty and she just hasn’t grabbed it yet. I can’t go in to save her because I might drown too, so watching her struggle feeling helpless is just so tough. I need to accept this emotion and not try to change it but I’m honestly scared to feel it and let it be. I am scared that it’s effecting my own recovery and really having a hard time letting it go. I know what I need to do but I don’t know how. So I’m shoving the emotions, or distracting myself, and avoiding them. I know I’m doing this and can’t stop.
Any advice or feedback would be much appreciated, thank you for letting me unload here ️
Hi @Megs3 I also have a friend who has lapsed recently. Very similar to your friend…you want to help them and you certainly are guiding them. But ultimately it is there choice… without others who care our friends would probably have no chance…but being there for them at least gives them hope…my view is simple though my sobriety comes first and when I have seen my friend upset and on the path of destruction it makes my resolve greater…being supportive is the right thing to do…but focus on your own sobriety…I hope this helps you
Hey there! My roommate from rehab and still very close friend I love so much has relapsed several times. It breaks my heart but all I can do is let her know how much I love her and I’m willing to help her get whatever help she needs, treatment, meeting lists etc. I work the AA program to keep me sober now…we have a saying from the promises…”Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly”. I agree with Robketts, my sobriety comes first! Even over my kids because if I don’t have sobriety I’ll lose everything anyway. It’s like what we’re instructed to do in a plane in the event of an emergency, you put the oxygen mask on yourself first. You and your friend will be in my prayers ️
I know and it is so tough! It’s a great reminder of where I could be if I went back as well as acknowledging what my family went through when I was struggling. But it’s so hard to let go of and stop thinking about it.
Thank you so much for that reminder! And thank you for your prayers. I’m going to a meeting soon so I know that will help. I know I’ve done everything I can too I just hope she gets better soon, thank you ️
I would share about it! Whatever is bothering me I share share share! I call my sponsor and and other women the program. It was uncomfortable in the beginning for me to do that but now I realize I always feel better after.
Thank you so much! I’m in iop but a lot of people there know her from rehab so I was hesitant to share and try to be careful about what I say. Didn’t want to bring them down or reveal her identity. But tonight I should be able to discuss it freely thank you!
The Sunday morning meeting I go to is at a rehab. I have watched as the same people come and go. It helps me keep my sobriety because I see how they are when they come back and I don’t want that.
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do but love her and hope she sees stops before she loses her battle. It’s terrible, heartbreaking, frustrating and sad to watch, but in the end we can’t do it for them.
We have a meeting like that too! It’s called the alumni meeting- everyone that graduated from rehab goes and all the new people in rehab. It’s beneficial for them and for the “graduates” as a reminder of how far we’ve come. Thank you
Thank you so much ️ deep down I know that I truly do it’s so hard to accept. But great news!!! I was on my way to a meeting and a little voice said go to this other one I used to go to and try to go to still. So I changed my mind last minute. And she was there! She was there with the inpatient’s in rehab with her hospital cup with her name on it- she checked herself back in!!! The relief was overwhelming knowing she’s in a safe and healing environment- actively getting help. I hugged her with tears in both of our eyes and just thanked her for going back. I am so happy she did, grateful I listened to myself and told her I loved her ️ happy ending tonight ️:heart:️
I hated the fact that I was getting numb to it. I know that we have to deal with that if we choose this life (I’m a heroin addict among other things) but I really hate having death be the normal. I will pray for your friend
I absolutely understand. It’s so so hard to accept and so hard to try to turn off the “care” for them, really hard to stay distant too. Thank you for the prayers and your genuine understanding ️
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I truly appreciate your words 