One of my twins (age 10) was being a real hemorrhoid yesterday. We had a family activity planned and he decided that he thought it was stupid and didn’t want to go. We always take pictures at this thing and he was just ruining it for everyone. My wife and I were inside talking to him, trying to encourage him to spend time with the family, all patient-like. Then we hear our 4 year old screaming and bawling. We’d had our other kids go out to get in the car and he slipped on an ice patch. He bit through his lip and was covered in blood.
Needless to say, our patience went out the window at that time. We then began to complain and lecture him the whole ride. He never even got out of the car when we got there. When we got home I watched a movie with the other kids and he missed out. He cried a lot.
Anyway, I’ve been listening to The Giver. There’s a part that describes infanticide. There was a set of identical twins born and the smaller was selected to die.
I felt really heart broken and then felt a lot of regret for my boy and my interaction last night. He’s the smaller of my identical twins. They had a condition inutero where they would have died had we not had a highly specialized surgery to save them. The value we placed on their lives then reminded me of how much love I have for him.
Once I get off work today, I’m definitely going to have a conversation with him and apologize.
Life and relationships are tough.
fuck, are they ever.
thanks for sharing, makes me think about a few interactions of my own with my child, recently too. when I apologize to her now, I try to make sure she is ready to hear me, and I try not to get validation that I’m alright from the apology. I think i was doing this to get her validation that im doing ok as a parent. I just focus on connection now, this is new from me, and im still learning. Ive seen an improvement in her autonomy by letting go of my expections. Thanks for sharing.
this thought process and this share comes from from an extraordinary dad
I think its incredible that you worked thru that for urself and looked at the bigger picture. I see alot of parents who dont do that and not only that but struggle with apologizing to their kids when they were in the wrong. Youre a great father to ur kiddos. They are lucky to have u
I myself try to do the same. I can get impatient at times or when life gets busy and i feel like I have no time to play or color etc, i need to look at things differently. Do what u did and look at the bigger picture. Im grateful my son is even here today due to his brainstem tumor. And i also think of that and remember that other tasks can sometimes wait. Whats important is that i lead by example and apologize when im wrong and to be more patient. Thank u for the reminder of what is important. I needed to read this today. I hope all goes well with ur talk later
I’m not a parent, but what I’m seeing here is a necessary level of awareness and humility that I don’t see in far too many. I’ve known parents, and have been the child of a parent, who could never admit shortcomings and lapses in patience, let alone apologize for them. It took my Dad 30 years of Dadding to figure this out. Not saying he was a bad Dad by any stretch, but to admit a wrong? Never.
You reacted in an understandable way, even if not the best. You recognized you could’ve done better, and you’re going to make it right.
Sounds like a good parent to me.
I told my son that I would make mistakes, because I am human, and he didn’t come with an instruction manual.
Being a parent is stressful. Sometimes we’ll lose our patience. We have bad days. Kids have bad days. I’m sure you give much grace to your kids. Maybe give a little grace to yourself.
Thanks all! Appreciate the encouraging words!
The fact that you’ll apologize is big on its own. My mom has never said sorry to me once and tbh I need that apology. He might just be getting insecure. I didn’t want my picture taken with my baby brother when he was born bc I looked horrible (&my stepdad who was a creep would b in the pics too) I was just shamed for not being involved . He’s gone now & I was right all along lmao. That’s off topic but, I can understand his point of view. If I grew up w a family who constantly has pics done I’d be a twat too bc I just hate pictures. They always are so ugly when someone else takes them
Oh buddy, I went thru a similar situation and time with my daughter a year ago. It’s much better now. Lots of stress in being a kid and definitely a parent. By your post, I can tell you are very engaged and a fantastic parent.
Post made me laugh as well
As many others have said, recognising and apologising for times when you didn’t behave as you’d like is modelling for kids that no-one is perfect, you have to take responsibility, etc.
I am experiencing similar, my 13 year old will only have his picture taken if he is pulling a face like the YouTuber Stevie T, and my daughter wants to go to her friends house for a Christmas party on the afternoon of the 25th . But they are becoming their own people, you gotta let them do their thing, within reason.
The kids man… Just no break. I hear ya. He’ll figure it out and everything will keep going! There are always the next trips, one of them will be better!
@LeeHawk Yeah, it would be comical for an outsider for sure. I’ve got 12 years of those kind of memories. Still a bunch to come.
@Misokatsu freaking kids! Ruining our perfectly thought out family vision! Lol.
@ssteve Totally. We do a lot of stuff as a family. Hiking, skiing, Dungeons & Dragons, etc. I’m sure that when he looks back at his childhood as an adult, he will remember the good times more vividly than the bad ones.
We’re all survivors of our childhood.
True. I just hope that I can raise my kids so that when they’re adults they will say that their parents did a good job. I hate to think that they might grow up thinking that we messed them up somehow, or hindered them in their ability to succeed. No one’s perfect, sure. I know that they’ll have some character flaws that our family has developed as a result of our imperfection.
Anyway, I’m just trying to do the best I can. Which is just “okay”. Probably better than most, but I still wish I could do better.
Kaizen…strive daily to improve, getting better at getting better!