I can really relate to that. I know that I kid myself I can drink as much as I want and still get up the next morning and do my job but I know, from the times when I am sobre, how I’m just doing the bare minimum and am nowhere near as productive as I should be.
I have a sort of journal that I used when I last had counselling 5 years ago where I did a similar thing, wrote down stuff that alcohol does to me (not showering in the morning, generally neglecting myself etc) and I found that worked. I’m definitely going to start doing that again.
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That and an absolute fear that I was on a clear path to dying if I didn’t stop was my motivation too…I was a “highly functioning alcoholic” who was on the outside the picture of health, played sports, hosted beautiful parties, worked successfully a demanding job, was there for my kids, except…I wasn’t. Tried to control my alcohol for a decade and things were getting beyond out of control. I think the image I tried to portray was fraying at the seams, but no one knew how bad things were. This forum helped me tremendously, whenever I felt weak, frustrated, angry, sad, confused - and also to celebrate my achievements.
I never heard the song you mentioned, looked it up and teared up. I think we all can understand those lyrics all too well.
Not in the UK, but a bit further on the timezone (therefore wake up about the same time as the people in Europe 
).
Welcome to the forum and good luck with days 2, 3…it is not easy but it’s absolutely worth it 
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That song has now become my soundtrack to sobriety. I happily sang along to it for years without thinking about it and then, in that drunken moment last week, the words brought a lump to my throat too.
It’s so heartening to able to share this with people from all over the world
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I’ve never shared this with anyone or at this forum, but I had a song too.
Chandelier, by Sia.
Used to sing it happily along when it came out in 2014…was happily married, two small kids, partying and happy-houring with friends and then slowly it became a song that hit too close to home…
“one two three, one two three drink - throw them back till I lose count…”
" Help me, I’m holding on for dear life
Won’t look down, won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light
'Cause I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight
Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame"
Just had a listen and got choked up again.
I hope to never get back to that state. Very grateful to be alcohol free for over 500 days. 
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U may know this but Sia herself is sober…i love her voice x
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Welcome to the forum, you’re in the right place! I shared your inability to moderate the amount or the frequency of my drinking. And I suspect you’re like me, that I fully intended not to drink in a day but at some point, I “changed my mind”. These things were the hallmarks for me of my alcoholism. And I was told early on in sobriety that a functioning alcoholic was in fact a drunk. That deflated whatever pride I was desperate to preserve.
What helped me the most to get sober was to recognize that I did not know how to stay dry nor how to be happy being sober. I sought people who did seem to be happy and comfortable with being sober and did what they suggested to me. Following through with each suggestion, with rare occasions of declining them, helped me change three things; how I thought, how I acted, and how I felt. I encourage you to find people who seen happy, serene and sober, to check in with them frequently, to try sincerely what they suggest. Trusting others and believing that everything is going to be alright have been attitudes that helped me grow a faith that I too can be sober and serene.
What I did to get and stay sober was to use medication (disulfiram, Antabuse in the US), individual counseling, participation in AA, and personal direct accountability for my sobriety. After some time I found this forum and it has become a pillar of my sobriety.
Blessings on your house as you begin your journey.
Here’s a couple of threads full of solutions.
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Wow I never knew this, love that song but never really looked into the lyrics. The power of music is amazing and a huge help I find, thannks so much for sharing, that’s being added to my sobriety playlist.
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hi i am from the uk i will be celebrating 50 years of sobriety next year so it shows it can be done you seem to have taken the first step accepting you have a problem with alcohol i think a visit to your nearest aa meeting would be my advice we all have the same problem this is the most exclusive club in the world because you have to be a alcoholic to be a member good luck
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Yeah, I thoroughly get your story man. I’ve spent the past seven years going through the cycle. Cutting back, lapsing into being a lush, starting over then I finally just felt fat, sick and tired. My wife has been very patient dealing with my affair with alcohol. So far, lost about ten pounds and feel great. This app has been great. Seeing my time without booze makes me feel good. Hand tough @OldRedEyes. We’re all together on this ride. 
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Wow what a journey, that’s amazing! I had an assessment with my local help centre yesterday, they have referred me to counselling (which I did back in 2018 and it worked really well, but as it’s a free resource they can’t help you indefintely so I stopped after a month and lasted sober for a further 2 before relapsing).
A big problem I find is, in my everyday world I feel like a freak as everyone else seems to be able to drink sensibly or not at all and my problem is obvious but I can’t discuss it. Then I find myself having imposter sysndrome when I seek help - like the counselling or forums like this one - when I come across people who seem to be suffering much more than me. I start to think: am I overreacting? But I know deep down I’m not. I’ve promised myself that, after this round of counselling if I feel myself struggling, I’ll go straight back to them again rather than leave it as I did before.
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Hi, u.k person here as well. Pretty new on here but great people. I spent over ten years saying I wasn’t an alcoholic because I didn’t drink everyday! Unfortunately when I did drink, it was usually for 4 or 5 days non stop. I even started going to Sainsbury’s local or Tesco express at 7 a.m for another litre of vodka. That was until I found websites that delivered it to me at about £35 instead of £15 at Lidl!! So I made the more financially sensible decision to just buy 2 litres every time I went to the shop!! On day 162 today and actually had a bad craving earlier but managed through it. It’s bloody hard but I know I am a happier person without alcohol!
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Yay to a sober Saturday morning 
I agree they feel totally amazing! It is unreal how much you can do/enjoy over a weekend as well, even if that is just using the time to properly rest and recharge (which is totally different from recovering from the previous night/nights excesses).
I hope to see you around on here
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I can relate. Great start getting here.
Personally I think functional alcoholism is a perfect term. it’s the worst type of alcoholic too. I’m one. After all people who go to the gym every day, have nice homes, nice cars, great spouses, a career could never achieve all that if they had a drinking problem?!!!
Only those living in cars or on the streets have drinking problems is what your inner alcoholic self tells you. I know so many functional alcoholics who outwardly appear super successful. Good thing you’re here and have identified you’re actually an alcoholic and want to do something about it!!! Great start!
Action plan!
Don’t mess around with all that just a little BS. If you’re doctor says you’re healthy enough to quit or if you’ve done weeks before without issue just quit. No more just a sip Or Saturday nights.
Drinking is latent. When you actually fall off the wagon may have started days or weeks before. You have to change your routines and habits in order for that latent behavior to not sneak up on you. Take Friday after work drinking. Everyone wants to have a few pops after work and then maybe go to dinner and have a few more, come home and tie one on. That’s how it goes.
To stop that behavior you can’t have the same habits because you have the same thought processes that may start on Monday looking forward to drinks on Friday. Instead start something new or two to replace the drinking and replace that latent thought process.
I don’t know what you enjoy but near my home is a wonderful free summer concert venue. Thousands of people show up every Friday evening. Sign up to work something similar. You’ll be exhausted from parking cars, hauling cases of water, selling food, walking around picking up donations and cleaning up after. When you finally get home you’ll be exhausted but feel amazing because you didn’t think about booze, enjoyed amazing music and made new friends. Saturday morning you signed up for a new hiking club and there is a hike at 6am. You sure and shit don’t want to be hung over for that 10k hike.
Get the idea? Train your brain as cliche as that is. I filled my idle time with 2nd 3rd or 4th trips to the gym. Midnight walks. Books, yesterday good old printed books. They are great friends. Spend time on here helping people who are day one.
I wish I could thank the woman who told me or someone else on this board when I was maybe a week or two into this “stay busy, busy busy, eat whatever you want the first 90 days just don’t give into your alcohol craving and exercise a lot you won’t gain a pound but feel great” and that was what worked for me and it still works.
Good luck brother me and thousands are pulling for you!!
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I am also a functioning alcoholic. I relate to your story. I am only 6 days into this journey but apps like this and youtube and podcasts have helped so much. I know around 4 pm today, i will get an urge and i will rely on this app, walks, and any outlet i find to beat the cravings. I trust in the comments that say over time it will get easier. I am an open heart.
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In Ireland, I’m functioning too… my limit would be a bottle of wine a few times a week. But its enough to effect my life. Just started yesterday so nice to see more starting too… I am driven by the desire to not need a drink, no headaches from drink, no guilt from snapping at my kids because I’m moody…
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So much of what you wrote there is so relatable. Except, I’m doing this on my own for now…its my thing to sort. My husband will probably continue to drink, but hopefully maybe more moderately like your wife.
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Hi Clara, my wife is a ‘sensible drinker’ but one of my fears is that she tends to drink more when I’m drinking and I would never forgive myself if I became responsible for her drinking becoming a problem. Ultimately I have to do this for myself, but the happiness of my loved ones is also a big part of my motivation. I have a 16-year-old daugjter and need to set her the right example too. Best wishes to you on your journey, always here to chat if you need to.
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Impressionable daughters are so motivating, our recent family holiday seemed to revolve around a few drinks every evening. Not next year. I’m sure your wife will probably mirror your behaviour, if she’s naturally drinking more when you are. If she’s a sensible drinker, she probably wont miss it. Most of my friends are sensible drinkers… one or two dont want to hear about abstinence because its uncomfortable… so its lovely to have here