Getting a grip on my alcoholic brain

One thing I’ve always been is honest with everyone of you. Yup, my talking sober family. I haven’t been on much because I’ve been letting alcohol take over since things went south with my marriage. I’ve only posted once or twice when my thought process was clear for a couple days. Truth is my life is stabilizing again and I’m ready to have that feeling again. Y’all know of that that sober and clean feeling I’m thinking of. I’ve made it through the worst of things I hope and even though I haven’t been sober all the time, I’m posting for a reason here. It was not long ago I was 52 days sober and feeling as good as I ever have. I’m ready to get back to that place. I’ve been telling myself this for the last couple weeks, but today I made the right choice. There’s a liquor store on my way home from work and every couple days I’d fight with myself on that short drive from work past it. My alcoholic brain would take over every time. Today I just kept on driving. I came home and instead of drinking the rest of the booze in the house “to get rid of it”, I dumped it all down the drain. Not much in regards to the big picture, but it’s a first step and has a symbolic meaning to me if anything. I let myself slip back into the swamp and I’m ready to drag myself back to freedom. Being a part of this forum was a huge part of my success when I was living right. I want that back.


You got this. Stay focus.

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Hi again @alpine_1975 . Very glad to hear you feel ready to commit again! :relaxed: I’ve been through two big relapses over the past 15 months, and feel like I learned something each time. The challenge is to get the support and thinking and planning in place to survive something like it next time. Anyone can stay sober on a good day right? But there are only so many good days in a year. Life happens.


@alpine_1975 yes, you’ve been through some major sh#& in early sobriety. We’re glad to have you back and see you on the right track. You’re a huge asset on here, when you’re working your recovery.


Glad to see ya back on here!!! I was with you in having a rough time latley… but like a fighter ur back! Hopfully u can add something to ur sobriety bag so you can stay on track. For example, after this last weekends huge fuck up i finally gave in and went to aa and i love it. Find something else to help ya brotha in those tough times. We are all here for ya!!


We want you back, never forget that!!

Kick ass of you to keep driving past that liquor store AND dumping everything down the drain. That’s seriously a great start. I’m excited for you to feel that happy sober life again and sometimes not so happy sober life, but hell, it’s sure as shit better than being drunk and unhappy. F that! :laughing:

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I love the fact that you put alcohol down the drain, it shows strong character. I always finished last drop before committing

@Shattered_dreams, I know you pulled your post and I get it. I will say I’m glad I’m not trying to deal with the same thing. We basically have grown apart and I let alcohol change me into a person who was less than desirable over the years. She’s a faithful wife, I just need to find out if I can win her love back. We agreed to start marriage counseling shortly after our meltdown 6 weeks ago and all I’ve done is look into it, but not follow through with making it happen. My pathetic relapsing has made me useless in the follow through and motivation category, but that stops now.

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@JustL, thanks. It wasn’t all that much, but probably enough to get me buzzed. Like I said though, it symbolized a fresh start without another reset/relapse as I had about 36 hours under my belt when I dumped…

Another motivating factor was remembering how I was starting to look after some extended sobriety. Although I gained weight in early sobriety and haven’t lost any while relapsing of course, I remember how my face, skin, and internally how much better I felt. Lately when I look in the mirror, I just shake my head and go back to the bottle. Yet another trigger. At least while sober, I have the energy and motivation to work on my self image and fitness.

Best wishes brother! You got this. I’m an expert at relapses. I’ve done a lot of research in the last two months. Once I dive in and commit! I’m committed!

Need anything hollar!

@Melrm, I love what you said on @Adam_Vibes thread recently. I meant everything I said on this post from last night yet we feel differently depending on our surroundings or even at different times throughout the day. I can’t make promises and I won’t anymore. I can only keep fighting to be well. I felt good all day today at work until I got off early. I even have the weekend off and plan on spending time with my family. But guess what I did? Drove past my turnoff and pulled into that liquor store I mentioned last night. I sat there with the truck running for about 45 seconds waffling. I then slapped myself in the face figuratively and drove home without going in…


@alpine_1975 that’s my boy :punch: How do you climb a mountain…one step at a time

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