This is all i want, to help and for you to know that this can be done, try and pinpoint what brought you to drinking and work on those…the real crux of the matter…ask yourself what were you using drink to escape from, comfort from, why did you want the oblivion in the first place…you dont have to answer that on here but try and work on those things, for me it was abandonment issues and self esteem, i found writing those things down gave me a good start…it helps to focus when you write things on paper…im here if u need me and il be watching your posts, vent as much as you can there are some super wise heads on here. Sending my love, i think you can do this 
Thank you. Nevertheless my experiences, life is easier without alcohol. I am one year sober. I encourage you to continue without the booze and being the best of yourself.
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“The absolute horror and shame as it keeps hitting me is just so intense and I feel utterly wretched.” Would you feel like that towards another who is going through what you went through? I.e ashamed of them, horrified by them? If no, then why are you feeling that towards yourself? Is it time to feel the same as you would feel towards another human who was going through that? If yes, what other deeper lessons have you learnt from that passed behaviour? Concentrate on building something NEW from your experiences, building on the already positive things that are going on, not on the negative feelings that they are giving you. Just remember that behind every action is a positive intention. We drink because we FEEL like its doing something for us even though we KNOW its bad for us. Suppressing something, makes me happy, feel invincible, brave, breaks down an emotional barrier etc etc and for some reason even though its fake we still except the consequences until one day we DONT except the consequences anymore and we begin our journey on sobriety. 
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Hi @Galen_82 . No, I would not feel that way towards another as I have no real understanding of what they’ve experienced and are dealing with. All of our experiences are unique. I understand mine in depth and on a level that I can only try to express with words. Yes, I feel horror and shame when reflecting. I am very honest about that and will never water it down. It hurts, absolutely, but also spurs me on. I hoped for advice here as I have begun to experience more occurences where the feeling of being pulled down is outweighing the feeling of being spurred on. I need to allow myself to feel what I’m feeling so that I can work through it. Tips on doing that are what are helping me. 
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Thank you. It really is easier without the alcohol, and the support is definitely necessary for working through all the new experiences and lessons that we face as we move forward. I look forward to hearing more of your journey, keep sharing!
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totally & completely understand this. oftentimes it was the guilt and shame for my regrettable behavior that drove me to continue drinking!! it’s a trap. the trick for me is sitting in that guilt and shame, feeling it, gleaning the most important lessons from them (# being don’t use the substance that made me act that way) and after enough rumination, feel into my heart for the forgiveness. we are human and we make mistakes. sometimes they’re awful mistakes. it feels bad, there’s no way around it. but by meeting that shame with the love that is at the core of forgiveness, we can embrace ourselves and shift the energy forward. i’m with you!
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Hey, lovely. I’m ok so far today. Thank you so much for checking in. Things are rather hectic and frustrating but I’m dealing with the incredible rawness of it all by burying myself in better things every spare moment I get.
How are you? And how is the week treating you so far? I really do hope you’re ok. Message me anytime 
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It’s god to hear you’re finding good things to occupy your time. I’ve started sewing again and its amazing how lost I can get in a project! I’m doing good thank you, this week is flying by though and feel like I shoukd gave done so much more…progress not perfection though, I’m chipping away at stuff.
