I find myself back to square one, yet again. Went from teaching Sunday School and attending church multiple days a week and having 2 years under my belt to waking up 7 months later screaming what did I do again?? Why can’t I just get it right? Weight gain, health at an all-time low, late to work with huge bags under my eyes, wondering when I’ll get the next bag. Fighting desperately to hold onto my career and not have anyone notice. They’re definitely catching on, nobody gets sick this much… weekend warrior turning into staying up until 5am on a Wednesday and leaving work early. Desperately needing help without having anyone know at the same time.
Filled with shame, praying to God to see my potential and get me out of this mess.
Hi there, I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. I’ve been there uncountable times. But you know you can do it. You have stayed on the sober path before and can do it again! Have you tried AA? I would suggest you go to a meeting, in person, might get some phone Numbers you can call and get in touch with people. Might find a sponsor and start working the steps? For me the only thing that worked is to get active and to really work for my sobriety. AA was the last thing that I tried and fought so long against it but it’s the only and first thing for me that works.
For me if I smoke the weed pen now and said yes I’m doing it, id bring it to work and sneak it jeprodising my job. Id be high more often then not. Waiting for that next high is the worst. What’s worse to me though is looking for scraps when I’m out. I feel so low when I do that
Welcome the community. You have not lost your tools from your 2 years. Start today - its not too late to get your health and life back.
This is a wonderful space filled with great advice, support and to meet peers in addiction who understand the struggle!
You can also do online meetings / recovery groups where you can leave the camera off until you feel comfortable so that you can get some support and get started with your day 1.
